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Ol’ Summer Sausage was sitting in a coffee shop across the street from a hospice. He was eating a bagel and pretending to read the paper but was actually just sitting there daydreaming about how much he loves looking at his hands and hates weddings. The door swung open letting the outside inside along with a pissed off looking djini. He walked straight over to OSS and double-checked his notes.

“Are you...uh The Lerpa?”

“what’s lerpa? asshole.”

“Sorry, long day, Mr. Feldspar. I have some wishes for you.”

“what’s feldspar? asshole.”

“Dude, listen to me. Wishes. Real wishes. You know, pennies in the fountain, blown eyelashes, I’ve got about a half-dozen wi-‘

“stop,” he paused and held up a jaded, New York middle finger, “asshole.”

The djini, not in the mood, snapped.

“That’s it, I’m taking your New Yorkiness and Judaism away, “
“There! Now you’re just another twatty wasp. Enjoy your latte, Summer, I fuckin quit” he said as he dropped his clipboard and bashed the door open with a Whap!

“asshole” thought OSS, but was surprised to hear himself say, “Golly!”

“fuck?” he tried to say, “Darn it?” came out.

"Holy Heck!"[christing fuck!]

He gagged and swooned and fell to the floor, the red-hot Soul Asylum hit from the 90’s Runaway Train suddenly screaming through his head in a horrid, pleasant wave. He crawled on his elbows suddenly horrified his shirt was not WrinkleResistant.

“Sweet Lord Baby Jesus Same Me!!” he wheezed, crawling toward the barista, “Ziiiiima!”

Date Written: August 30, 2004
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 4

09/3/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): Right on! Revolution! Although, I've heard talkin' 'bout a revolution sounds like a whisper. I like the satire and immitation of the 'Sauce's disparaging voice.

F.Y.I.: WASPs are better than Jews, not something Jews turn into for the worse.
09/3/2004 qualcomm (4): i liked this till the end
09/3/2004 anonymous: from what point OSS?
Note: I had meant to cut from "Holy Heck!"[christing fuck!] but have been un-hooked from my Acme IV drip for two days.

09/3/2004 qualcomm: i guess just the last word is what bugged me. that joke. also, is my consternation over my shirt not being wrinkle-resistant: 1) an indication of my new waspiness, concerned over matters that OSS wouldn't be; or 2) some joke about OSS wearing wrinkle-resistant shirts before the transformation?
09/3/2004 anonymous: It's a Dockers trademark which I have a vague idea you wouldn't wear because of a wasp comment about Dockers and beach houses. I also had you pining for a Saffron VW Bug, ordering a BLT on toasted white bread with no crust, vomiting lox, etc.
09/3/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Yeah. I would think that the djinn could have easily been goaded into arguing with OSS long after the point had been made. Also, I think you might mixing in some scoopisms. But yes. First two-thirds aces.
09/5/2004 Jon Matza (4): truff premise.