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I finally had the balls to do it.
I finally did it, I gave a girl a chilidog! It was awesome!
She told me I had permission to titty fuck her, so I just stood up, assumed my position, and proceded to take a big diarrhea all down in between her boobs!! I must have had the runs all day, because this wasn't no log, I pissed crap out my ass onto her tits. It just made a big pile right in between her boobies. Then I sat my fat hairy ass right down in my own pile of soup, and started shaking my ass like the jitterbug. I don't know if I imagined it or not, but I swore I heard the blues playing on a juke box somewhere. That shit smelled like the devil too. You wanna talk about the smell of sex, this wasn't no sex smell. This was the smell of shit from a man who ate Taco Bell earlier.
Anyway, I got up, hocked a lugie onto her tits, and then smeared it in with my hot brown soup. It was like butter baby, yummm!!
Then I put my woody-wood pecker down in my pudding, and started to tittie fuck the shit out of my dick. My shit was running all down in her neck, and now she had jizz shooting all in her face. I actually aimed it so some got in her mouth. Then my runny ass shit got on my dick, and I asked her to lick it off! She did too, she licked that sucka clean as a whistle. While she did it I was shitting on her bed; my shit was spreading like a wild fire all over the room.
Date Written: September 01, 2004
Author: Streifenbeuteldachs
Average Vote: 3.5714
Comments:
09/6/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): For some reason, this seems to come from a narrower place than the OSS short posted on the author's page. Both shorts taken together are an interesting study of hardcore porn masogony writing that does and doesn't work. This one seems to be what I like to refer to as sophomoric; slightly heavy handed and wasting comedic opportunities. The rythym didn't hook me and none of the words surprised me, save "jitterbug" and "Chili-dog". For some reason it just didn't make me laugh, possibly because I got the feeling that the author was trying too hard. The last line was good though, when the guy shits on the bed.
09/6/2004 Mr. Pony: Wow, that's really gross!
09/6/2004 qualcomm: "masogony"
09/6/2004 scoop: Isn't that a type of rare wood?
09/6/2004 Benny Maniacs: "ol'"
09/6/2004 Benny Maniacs: Everybody knows it's not Ol', but Ole', so don't get on me about spelling, the Lerpa.
09/6/2004 qualcomm: you're correcting how i spell slang? asshole.
09/6/2004 Mr. Pony: That's "Lirpa".
09/6/2004 Mr. Pony: "Lirpa."
09/6/2004 qualcomm: yes, i wasn't referring to the star trek weapon, but to a 6,000 year old sumerian creature.
09/6/2004 qualcomm: nor was i referring to a coaxial cable adaptor
09/6/2004 Mr. Pony: That's crap. We all know you were talking about the Lirpa 1 Wireless Cable. Now, learn to spell, dammithead!
09/6/2004 Benny Maniacs: Hey, Ole' Summer Sausage: That's cool how you posted a link to the dictionary, as in "Here's my dictionary, Mr. Smartypants, so take a look yourself". My question is this: how did you get to be such a nerd? When you were in grade school, were your nerd beginnings already showing? Are your brothers nerds? Possibly you have nerd parents.
09/6/2004 Mr. Pony (4): While this short kinda seemed like a one-dimensional gross-out, I found lines like "This was the smell of shit from a man who ate Taco Bell earlier" inexplicably charming. If the author had invented the term "chilidog", this four-star rating would be more deserved, and furthermore, it would be a five-star rating. Next time, author, please take the time and make the effort to invent the word "chilidog".
09/6/2004 Benny Maniacs: Now that I think about it, I'm almost positive you brought to high school the Dungeon Master's book of monsters to settle a quarrel or two.
09/6/2004 qualcomm: man, i'm tired of being right all the time. how about you, benny? does it get tiring being wrong all the time?
09/6/2004 Benny Maniacs: Dear Lerpa~ You have every right to be mistaken, as there are many people who are mistaken, every day, throughout the free world. Your case is is a little more embarrassing, as you are unattractively nerdy in your mistaken state, but you are nonetheless free to be that way.
~Love B
P.S. 'Member how you were certain you were going to beat me in arm wrestling that time? Boy, were you mistaken.
09/6/2004 qualcomm: masogony
09/6/2004 scoop: Isn't that a type of rare wood?
09/6/2004 Litcube: Can I just sneak in here? It might be personal taste, but I found nothing in here appealing besides a whole bunch of shit, which, as I see it from the author's eyes, is supposed to be a whole lot more appealing.
09/6/2004 Mr. Pony: But isn't that the joke?
09/6/2004 Litcube: OOOoohhhh!
09/6/2004 TheBuyer: I'm gagging on this.
09/6/2004 anonymous: Wow, tough crowd. You don't derive amusement from a childish story of intentionally poor bowel control?
09/6/2004 TheBuyer (5): I think this is Dick Vomit and disgusting.
09/7/2004 Mr. Pony: Welcome, Streifenbeuteldachs!
09/7/2004 John Slocum (4): Is 'Streifenbeuteldachs' german for 'chilidog'?
09/7/2004 Will Disney (5):
09/7/2004 qualcomm (2):
09/8/2004 Dick Vomit (2): I had nothing to do with this. This has Litcube written all over it. Shitten all over it. Whatever.
11/16/2004 Mr. Pony: This page is totally worth re-reading, both because of the short (which, in retrospect, should have gotten a five from me) and also to watch Benny totally burn Old Summer Sausage; before he was qualcomm; before he was nice.