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“A man’s sense of self worth is intimately tied to his sense of control over the movements of his colon.”

This seems a simple enough statement, but…

Take the case of Jimmy, a man of inimitable qualities. On the surface he possessed the cocksure stance of a frat-boy organizing a series of keg stands. Underneath lay a crippling low self-esteem. Not surprising then that his colon had taken to inverting, detaching itself and going down the pub for a few pints while Jimmy slept. It ran with fast women, capricious women, dark women, women who would touch a man’s sphincter and even stick a finger in to at least the depth of one knuckle. Many of these women enjoyed lavishing Jimmy’s colon with undo oral attention. They would lick his colon clean of excreta and finger fuck one end while stroking the other end with closed fist, pumping it as if they were milking a cow. Jimmy’s colon, in its semi-intoxicated state, would almost purr like a cat.

Date Written: September 13, 2004
Author: John Slocum
Average Vote: 3.1667

09/17/2004 qualcomm (3):
09/17/2004 Joe Frankenstone (2): This short takes John Harvey Kellogg, bends him over, and fucks him in the ear. This is a one star short, +1 for a colon purring like a cat.
09/17/2004 TheBuyer (5): A drunk colon runs around getting laid; fuck me, I laughed out loud at this.
09/17/2004 Will Disney (3): this one *is* kind of horny
09/17/2004 anonymous: A clever and incisive critique, Mr. Frankenstone. You're obviously a good guy.
09/17/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Thank you! I crave approval!
09/17/2004 anonymous: I can tell from your comments.
09/17/2004 qualcomm: Do you play soccer?
09/17/2004 anonymous: who's askin'?
09/17/2004 TheBuyer: Joe, what does your first comment mean? Seriously, I'm pretty but not that bright. Actually come to think of it, I'm a bit confused by your last few comments. Are they gobbledygook or really obscure references that may possibly have something to do with something? I don't get it, are you an absurdist, an obscurist, what's going on? Why would you one star disembodied drunken colon assfucking at all? Do you have pretty eyes?
09/18/2004 Mr. Pony (4): I think the first two "'graphs" only hurt this otherwise fine piece of machinery.
09/20/2004 Joe Frankenstone: I do have pretty eyes.
09/20/2004 qualcomm: hey pony, you voted too high for this. you are incorrect. there is right, and there is wrong. good/evil.
09/20/2004 qualcomm: wrong, pony. dead wrong.
09/20/2004 Mr. Pony: Summer, I've decided to ignore you out of pity when it becomes clear that your words are driven by what I can only assume to be some sort of Catholic guilt/superiority complex, combined with a subtle case of poison oak.
09/21/2004 Jon Matza: I think I might've found this more succu if I got to see Jimmy watching the colon's exploits from the sidelines, consumed with humiliation/envy.
09/23/2004 scoop (2): Two stars, sure, but not for any reasons overlapping with Frankenbone.