home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


September 11, 2001 lives in the consciousness of most Americans as the most horrific day in recent memory. How bizarrely ironic that few if any recall the even more terrifying day that occurred less than two months later!

The day the real heinous acts of terror took place—not just in New York City, mind you, but in every city, town and hamlet in the US of A—was October 31, 2001.

Forget hijacked planes, collapsing skyscrapers and people plunging to their death—we're talking vampires, frankensteins, mummies, witches, goblins, ghosts, scary pumpkins—you name it… roving through the streets at night in packs, ringing our doorbells and giving us the heebie-jeebies with one spooktacular costume after another.

Heart attack, anyone?

You want to tell me about spine-tingling, CBS? How would you like to find half a dozen kids wearing Scream masks on your doorstep? Course, any one of them could be the real murderer—or murderers, as we found out in Scream 2.

No, when it comes to 'ween, I for one am gonna have to take a pass. Don't bother coming to my door this year, trick-or-treaters. I'm not trying to come across like an "October Grinch” here—but when it comes to the war on Halloween terror you’re looking at one soldier who’s goin’ AWOL!

Date Written: October 20, 2004
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 3.6

10/25/2004 qualcomm: author, aren't you trivializing 9/11?
10/25/2004 scoop: More importantly aren't you diminishing the efforts of people who truly trivialized 9/11?
10/25/2004 qualcomm: like whom?
10/25/2004 Will Disney: There's also Scream 3.
10/25/2004 qualcomm: spooktacular was a massive error, author. shame. SHAME! yeah, otherwise it's pretty good.
10/25/2004 scoop: Oh I don't know OSS, maybe like the firefighters who stole goods and products from downtown stores and shops and then lied about it. Now that is funny.
10/25/2004 Mr. Pony (4): I think we need to see this performed live to get the full effect, maybe.
10/25/2004 qualcomm: maybe you could pretend to draw it, pony.
10/25/2004 scoop: Hey, I'm pretending to draw it right now.
10/25/2004 Mr. Pony: I think we all could be, scoop, very easily! That's a cool point that Summer made! Pretending is fun! That's when you use your imagination!
10/25/2004 scoop: But Mr. Pony, sometimes when I use my imagination I see terrible, terrible things.
10/25/2004 Mr. Pony: Fellas, please; fun is fun, but now I think we should all direct our attention to this short.
10/25/2004 qualcomm: i'd give this a 3 or 4, but don't think it quite deserves either. i mean, how can we arrange our very complex reactions to literature along such a simple, digital spectrum?
10/25/2004 Mr. Pony: For those of you who haven't heard Summer make this joke before, he is making fun of an assertion I made a while back that arranging everything in the universe in a single-file line from worst to best is a meaningless activity. If you'd like to hear it again, stick around! He'll be making the joke about once every four days in this very forum until he dies at the age of 39! (ironically, of kidney failure!)
10/25/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs: Which comes right before pancreatic cancer, and after dropsy.
10/25/2004 qualcomm: pony's correct: i'm making fun of this assertion he once made a long time ago, only once, and very far back, in the mists of gauzy "time". once.
10/25/2004 Mr. Pony: Must have made quite an impact!
10/25/2004 Dylan Danko (2): Sorry but this is no good. Sorry.
10/25/2004 TheBuyer (4): Like Jean Teasdale but better, not as blog-like.
10/25/2004 Dylan Danko: 39??? I got plans long before that, Pony.
10/25/2004 anonymous: OSS: why'd "'tacular" excite your canker so much?
10/25/2004 qualcomm: 'cause it's 'cient (ancient), brother, even as you use it here, as a way to mock the narrator's lame sense of humor/aesthetic.
10/25/2004 qualcomm: hey author, was your intention that a) the narrator is actually scared of these halloween costumes, or b) that he is misguidedly using 9/11 as a segueway in this terrible small-town newspaper column he has written?
10/25/2004 qualcomm: (humor column, that is)
10/25/2004 anonymous: As I envisioned it, he's actually scared of the costumes (and a fantastic moron).
10/25/2004 TheBuyer: Funny you say 'he' for the narrator, I read it as if the narrator were a 'she' or "woman".
10/25/2004 anonymous: Must you always try to emasculate my characters?
10/25/2004 TheBuyer: Keeps my hands busy when I can't get out for a cigarette.
10/25/2004 qualcomm: that's what i thought, author, and therein lies another problem with spooktacular. would someone who's actually scared of the costumes use that word? you just couldn't resist using it, no matter what the cost, could you?
10/25/2004 anonymous: OSS, who do you think wrote this?
10/25/2004 Litcube (4): I think it's sad that OSS will die from kidney failure. Will it still be ironic even though we're expecting it? What's a segueway? I hate Jean Teasdale. I like this short. It is really good. I like bagels. They are really good.
10/25/2004 qualcomm: anon_a: shut up, you filthy, useless foetus- fucker
10/25/2004 Mr. Joshua (4): I think the inconsistencies are part of the charm of the short, oss. You don't really know where the author is coming from. Did remind me of Teasdale, too, though.
10/25/2004 anonymous: Hey, OSS, what are you doing tomorrow?
10/25/2004 qualcomm: i'unno
10/25/2004 anonymous: OSS: is it possible you were subconsciously predisposed against "spooktacular" because you found the short was raising--or should I say "HAIR-raising"--certain feelings you were reluctant to face?
10/25/2004 qualcomm: yes