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Be warned, ladiesóIím like a pit bull when it comes to pussy.

Let me be as clear as I possibly can: when I see pussy I donít just fuck itóI pulverize it. My cockís like a battering ram, only harderóplus, itís sharp. The end's like a pine cone. So brace yourself, 'cause by the time Iím done with your snatch there wonít be anything left (taking into account a vagina is already an absence of space).

Do you crave romance, ladies? Do you yearn for a man to probe, lick and gently caress the delicate petals of your precious daffodil until you shudder in sweet climax? If so, I'm sure you can find some country club jerk happy to oblige. What you wonít find is someone to cock-slug your pussy the way Rocky pounds on a side of beef in a slaughterhouse. Someone like myself.

Incidentally, ladies, when I fuck pleasureís not part of the equation. I donít enjoy it. In fact it disgusts me. But I do it anyway. Why is none of your concern. All you really need to know about me is that any minute now I'm going to batter your vag with a frenzied sequence of jackhammer pelvic thrusts until I ejaculate inside you. Then I'll withdraw my rapidly detumescing penis. UNHH! UGGGH! UGHHH!

Date Written: October 20, 2004
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 5

10/27/2004 The Rid (5): Finally! Someone else with a pine cone shaped cock!
10/27/2004 qualcomm (5):
10/27/2004 scoop (5): cock-slug.
10/27/2004 TheBuyer (5): cock-slug
10/27/2004 Mr. Pony (5): cock-slug
10/27/2004 John Slocum (5): cock-slug
10/27/2004 John Slocum: 'a frenzied sequence of jackhammer pelvic thrusts' and 'detumescing' give this away to me as the Matzoid. He use 'Tumescent' in a poem about 10 years ago, and as Old Somber would detect, that gives it away.
10/27/2004 Dylan Danko (5):
10/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey Slocum, those very same points made me think it was the McScoopster! That's weird!
10/27/2004 qualcomm: this is not scoop. there is a lack of his newspaperman's attention to detail.
10/27/2004 John Slocum: Another piece of evidence is the famous Matza roundabout conceptualization of asking a question with the intent of the first answer being the opposite of what the character wants to say, all so he can eventually say what he wants to say (i.e. the pentultimate paragraph). Scoop has also employed this technique in the past, however combined with the other, previously mentioned Matzoidisms, I'm going with Matza. On balance, you'll find this logic and reasoning to be airtight.
10/27/2004 John Slocum: and let's not neglect the startling denouement: "UNHH! UGGGH! UGHHH!" Fence guy?
10/27/2004 Litcube (5): cock-slug
10/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Like I said; weird!
10/27/2004 John Slocum: maybe this is pony.
10/27/2004 anonymous: Interesting...but if I'm Matza and I wrote this, why didn't someone else write it?
10/27/2004 anonymous: (Sorry to totally burn you.)
10/27/2004 Mr. Pony: I wish this was me.
10/27/2004 John Slocum: I think it's ol' summer, snow, scoop or disney.
10/28/2004 John Slocum: I was right, I was right, I was right, I was right!
10/28/2004 Litcube: Well done, sir.
11/18/2004 Litcube: cock-slug.
11/18/2004 Ewan Snow (5): "Let me be as clear as I possibly can." I'll add my five to the pile.
11/29/2004 Jon Matza: The intensity of our enthusiasms can wax and wane over time, ILoveCock. Don''t be surprised if one of these days you find yourself REALLY loving cock again.
01/25/2011 Jon Matza: Not 100% sure what I was driving at there.
02/1/2011 Mr. Pony: Maybe Acme 2.0 is happening, and ILoveCock hasn't commented yet.