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Many adults complain today's youngsters lack respect for authority, but I've found just the opposite. In my years as Dorsey High's head guidance counselor it's been my good fortune to work with a diverse group of young people on a daily basis…and I can honestly state my students are among the finest people I've met--young or old.

Take Roberto Hernandez, one of my advisees. A few weeks ago Roberto, who is a sophomore, came into my office visibly upset. He was consumed with anxiety over his parents’ deteriorating marriage, he told me, and was concerned his volatile home situation might be negatively impacting his studies. It took a bit of coaxing to elicit the real problem from the boy: his "moms" had been refusing to provide oral release to his "pops" for nearly a week!

As you'd imagine, intervening in a married couple’s sex life is no easy task. But my job is helping youngsters remove obstacles and/or resolve conflicts that may jeopardize their future. Thus I spent several hours racking my brains for a way to settle the issue. At last I hit on a solution that seemed to me both elegant and efficacious...


"Can we do this fast, guy? I don't have a lot of time for this."

To get Roberto's parents into my office I'd told a white lie, saying their boy was having disciplinary problems. Already Mr. Hernandez' inability to see his son's alleged troubles except in terms of his own inconvenience bespoke an egotism that was more than likely the cause of his wife's oral uprising. But I wasn't here to pass judgment or take sides.

Moving swiftly, I circumnavigated the desk, took Hernandez' cock into my mouth and began giving his shaft a rigorous glottal massage, bobbing my head up and down like a chicken. Meanwhile I kept close tabs on his wife out of the corner of my eye. As I’d foreseen, the velocity and confidence of my approach had sent a seismic shockwave of lust reverberating through them both. Wild-eyed, Mrs. Hernandez ripped off her blouse and skirt and began grinding her tiny panties against the corner of my desk. Before long she was uttering weird, animalistic sounds and the air was filled with an aromatic, gamy pong.

As previously arranged, Roberto was crouching hidden under my desk. At my signal he emerged and just as I’d coached him, stole up behind his mom, pulled her panties down and buried his dork into her gaping, hot hole. At the very same moment Hernandez asked me if I was his little fucking homo slut, his face a grotesque caricature of sexual arousal. I nodded to appease him, though in reality I’m 100% faithful to my wife. Unless a child’s future is at stake, that is...

Now it was just a matter of tying up a few loose ends. With marvelous youthful agility Roberto wheelbarrowed his mom toward us, forcing her to walk on her hands even as he continued his dorsal assault on her undulating clam. When they reached us I placed my hand on the back of Mrs. Hernandez’ head and let her husband's gargantuan cock slide from my mouth. Right on cue Roberto plunged his index finger into the subterranean reaches of his mom's rectal chute, causing her jaw to flop open with astonishment. Instantly I jammed her mouth down over her husband's raw, swollen shaft. Bullseye! Hernandez didn't even seem to notice the switch. Breathlessly I gauged Mrs. H's state of mind. Would she willingly provide her husband with oral satisfaction?

Let's just say I needn't have worried. She fell on his pork truncheon like a half-starved coyote devouring roadkill. Mission accomplished and then some!

Roberto was still mounting his "moms", of course, and for some reason he was giving her the finger. I know it sounds sentimental, but in my book there's no gratification like seeing a family conflict through to closure--and I must admit I got choked up when he pulled out of her pulsating vag-cleft and blurted sperm onto her bare back. I felt so happy, in fact, I couldn't help myself from running over to the boy, knocking him to the floor with a heavy glass paperweight and having unprotected anal sex with him against his will. Flashing thumbs up signs with Mr. Hernandez as we lobbed paste in unison was merely icing on the cake. The only hiccup was discovering I'd been rougher than I'd intended with Roberto, who was sobbing and white as a sheet by the time his sodomy was complete. He also had an ugly welt above his left eye where I'd smashed him with the glass. But let's be serious--I'd just saved his parents' marriage.

Date Written: November 16, 2004
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 4.875

11/23/2004 John Slocum (5): Nice work, M**za. lobbed paste.
11/23/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (5): Last para was gold.
11/23/2004 Ewan Snow (5): At some point in the middle I started thinking this was going on too long, but by the end I was laughing out loud. Many fine gems throughout.
11/23/2004 qualcomm (5):
11/23/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Let's just pretend I quoted the whole thing here.
11/23/2004 TheBuyer: I don't get what's going on in the middle bit, did they leave the room?
11/23/2004 anonymous: ?? No, Buyer.
11/23/2004 Ewan Snow: test
11/23/2004 TheBuyer (5): whoop, let that sit there longer than I meant. Best one in a while; well marbled, centre cut.
11/23/2004 Ewan Snow: uh.. sorry. just testing. Uh, buyer, the first section is the narrator explaining his world view, the second is a scene in his office. what middle bit are you talking about?
11/23/2004 Will Disney (5): i wish i could give this 10 stars
11/23/2004 Will Disney: Man there are at least 5 laugh out funny lines in here.
11/23/2004 qualcomm: and like 6 cum out loud horny scenes
11/23/2004 Dylan Danko (5):
11/23/2004 The Rid (5): Let's be serious. This is the dirtiest thing I've ever read. And possibly the funniest. That last paragraph is genius. Sheer genius.
11/24/2004 Pix (5): Matza made me Log in. Nice piece of work!
11/24/2004 Litcube (5): A masterpiece, Matza.
11/24/2004 Dylan Danko: and for some reason he was giving her the finger
11/24/2004 qualcomm: one could make an argument, though i never would, that in light of certain comments you've made about certain other shorts, you have lots and lots of explaining to do.
12/2/2004 CrazyGuy (5): This is really funny, fellas!
03/10/2005 Dick Vomit (5): I read this again just now, saddened I could not 5 it again. Lo! What joy when I realized I hadn't voted in the first place!
03/10/2005 Blister Buddy (5): If all Penthouse letters ever written were this good, you wouldn't even have to make up a crappy excuse. "Uf, Yeah I'm buying it. I'm literate, bitch."
04/18/2006 Master Bates (5): I like this short like a dog likes meat.
09/8/2006 thecrutchofsociety (3): I would like to try this with my own family