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When I came back to my car and saw that orange paper on the windshield, I was like, No! No way did I get a parking ticket! I closed my eyes tight, certain that when I opened them again, the ticket would be gone. No such luck, amigos. Even after I picked it up and read it, I was still like, No fucking way!

Then I was like, Please, God, please make this ticket go away. I promise to be good and believe in you. Please. Please? I'll cut off my own wiener. Then I was all, You fucking cunt, you never do anything for me! Don't I have enough problems?! Man, why does everything have to happen to me?

Suddenly it struck me: this wasn't even my fault, it was that asshole in front of me at the supermarket, the one who took all that time with his goddamned coupons. I ambushed him as he loaded groceries into the back of his Windstar. You inconsiderate jerk, I bellowed, breaking an unripe canteloupe over his stupid head, This is your fault! I spun around and threw a can of soup at the closest person I could find, a stubborn-looking elderly woman. It struck her soft skull with a satisfying thud, but my rage, confusion and fear only increased.

I got real low after that, like, Oh man, I'll never be able to pay off this ticket. Never! This is God's retribution for that time in high school when I bullied that kid. My life is ruined! I'm so stupid, I've always been stupid. I can no longer trust in the goodness and mercy of God -- first he let me bully that kid in high school, and now this!

Finally, I was like, You know what? I got a ticket, and there's really nothing I can do about it, so deal! With this acceptance of my situation, I felt renewed calm and emotional control.

When I looked down at that orange ticket in my hand, though, I felt the ungovernable rage and confusion welling up in me all over again. But by then I had gotten such a healthy perspective on my grieving process, I realized that cycling through the same emotions twice or even three times was totally normal and okay. All part of the process. I looked around for someone smaller and weaker than myself.

Date Written: November 18, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.4286

11/24/2004 Will Disney: It's nice to read a story about someone who is really in touch with their own emotions.
11/24/2004 The Rid: Another title for this short: "Rid's Biography."
11/24/2004 The Rid (5): Fuck it. I loved it.
11/24/2004 Mr. Pony (4): I found the execution to be quite pleasing! Author, please consider this four out of five to be more like an eight out of ten.
11/24/2004 Will Disney: Why is this the Latest Controversy?
11/24/2004 TREE (5): I liked this a lot. It was violent and self exploratory.
11/24/2004 John Slocum (4): nice
11/24/2004 Mr. Pony: This is the Latest Controversy because some dummies picked it as the Latest Controversy! The system works! Hooray!
11/25/2004 Dylan Danko (3): But then after that you felt that rage again, right? And then after that it went away again
11/25/2004 Litcube (5): This was some funny shit, QC.
11/28/2004 cuntry (5): melon therapy. good stuff.
12/5/2004 scoop: "No such luck, amigos."