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Benjamin McGory didn’t believe in second chances. As far as he was concerned, first impressions were all that counted. So when he accepted an invitation to Judy Lizner’s birthday party, he spent the afternoon preparing his toilette. But after hours of hair gel and facial cream, countless outfit changes and a thorough nose-hair clipping, he was still not the most prepossessing sort. His head was too big and too bald, and his ears stuck out. His legs were too long, and his body was too short. His eyes were nice and big, but his teeth were much too small. In short, no matter what he attempted in the arrangement of his toilette, it was all for naught, because he was a disfigured and hideous young man.

Benjamin threw down his curling iron in disgust and stormed out of his boudoir. He ran downstairs, to his rec room, which was tricked out with arcade style video games and beanbag chairs. He played about five games of Centipede, but failing to get high score, gave up, flopped down on a bean bag, and cut off his hands.

Date Written: September 21, 2002
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4

09/21/2002 anonymous (5):
09/21/2002 anonymous (1):
02/25/2004 Dick Vomit (5): Hooray for the Three Random Shorts function! I just read this and laughed at my cats. Nobody's voted for this? Is anyone here? Hello? Anyone?
10/21/2004 TheBuyer (5): Dick? I'm here. I'm late, I'm sorry. I've been busy. I love this short. I also love Nanaimo Bars.
10/21/2004 Litcube (5): Whoah! Cut off his hands! WHOAH!