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Katrina wore the pants in the family.

Also, Katrina was in the habit of rolling her eyes like an anesthetized cow whenever Thaddeus found the "place" deep inside her, though it should be noted for the record there was nothing even remotely bovine about her physique. Anyway, Katrina's eyes were currently spiraling out of control, turning and wobbling like hell in their mascara'd orbits as T-Bone dipped his t-bone rapidfire into her slick, buttery place where the penises go.

An Eilja-Wood-as-Frodo-Baggins-getting-stung-by-the-spider look filled Thaddeus's face then as he neared climax and withdrew! Katrina's mouth went Ohhhh with a rapturous moan as she gripped the sheets and yawned for his cloroxy rain!

Thaddeus botched it, though, and sent his information streaming into her eyes, scalding and sweet.

"AUUUGH! AAIIGGH!!! My eyes!!!! THADDEUS, MY EYES!!!" Typically, Katrina meted out a pretty swift and severe physical punishment for an eye-pasting in the budoir, but as she'd just had lasik three days ago...this was far more serious.

"Oh no oh no oh no oh no," thought Thaddeus.

Katrina kicked Thaddeus off the bed, planting her feet into his sternum with multiple thuds, which sent him reeling. He stood before her, naked and shamed, as she rose, eyes glued shut, making breast stroke motions in the air between them.

"Don't move, you clumsy son of a bitch," she hissed. Thaddeus didn't dare. She steadied herself and seemed to zero in on him with her sonar, like bats use sometimes to catch moths and, following a pause, leapt for him like panthers leap on impalas sometimes. She whislted past him, though, missing by more than a foot, smashing her face into the plaster wall.

"GURF!!" went Katrina.

You think Thaddeus didn't enjoy the fuck out of that one? Think again, bitch!

Date Written: December 06, 2004
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 4.4615

12/16/2004 qualcomm (4): this is pretty sloppily written, but it has some broadband jokes and insights.
12/16/2004 anonymous: Yep.
12/16/2004 Turgid (5): 4.5. Really funny.
12/16/2004 scoop (5): Lab Tested, Mother Approved descriptions and a heart warming last line.
12/16/2004 The Rid (4): GURF!!
12/16/2004 Will Disney (5):
12/16/2004 anonymous: ALL: My greatest hope for this short is that you'll think of it the next time you happen to see Return of the King and Frodo gets jabbed.
12/16/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Author: shush, we're trying to enjoy the thing you made.
12/16/2004 TheBuyer (5): I like this so much I just picked my monitor and spiked it.
12/16/2004 Litcube: I'm not feelin' what you're all feelin' with these fives yet.
12/16/2004 Mr. Joshua (4): End this thing at 'cloroxy rain' and it would earn a fiver.
12/16/2004 hagit mizrachy (5): I'm rolling my mascarad orbs like an anesthetized cow. Stunning work Gandolf!
12/16/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): Yeah, I enjoyed that mascara'd orbits thing, too. Also: "that slick, buttery place where penises go."
12/16/2004 Jon Matza: Enjoyed this overall...some nice turns of phrase. A few logistical/word choice issues with graf 7, however: "Planting" one's feet in someone's sternum doesn't seem like it'd result in "thuds", (or for that matter be something you could do multiple times to someone kneeling over you on a bed without a) overbalancing them or b) the person moving away voluntarily). Also if K's blows sent Thaddeus reeling/flying off the bed, how come in the next sentence he's suddenly standing before her? OK, some time could've passed in between, but it's awkward's my point. I raise these issues not to hurt you, author, but because I care. About CRAFT.
12/16/2004 anonymous: Mr. Matza: as far as the sternum thudding, I imagined something looking like that dance Snoopy does when he gets all pumped up. You know, she does a little drummy-tummy on him with her feetsies. Even so, mebbe plant is the wrong word.
12/16/2004 Phony Millions (4): Second graf with two exclamation points nice self-reflexive ironic touch by the author.
12/16/2004 anonymous: Heh!!
12/16/2004 Litcube (4): Those descriptions are funny, especially the bovine bit. Also the quick "notch-downs" from deft description to intentional half-lame-assedness, with the likes of "buttery place where the penises go" and "She steadied herself and seemed to zero in on him with her sonar, like bats use sometimes.."
12/16/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): A fine tale. "scalding and sweet"
12/17/2004 TheBuyer: I picture him doing a Jack Tripper type backroll off the bed with that thing to the sternum, but Matza has a [minor] point with "planting" - all told, this is Black Black Chewing Gum from China, hi-technical excellent taste and flavor.