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Dr. Seuss and scoop stand face-to-face in a seedy motel, nude.


There’s a throb in my knob!
Ahoy! Ahoy!
My knob’s all a-throb!
Oh, sir! Oh, please!
Get down on your knees!
If you pull on my knob
It lobs gobs and gobs!
Or won’t you please bob your face on my cob?!


Look, fella. I’m a hard-nosed reporter, and here’s the news: Me first. You second. Like we agreed. Take it or leave it. P.S. I bench 280.


Why surely you’re high!
I’ve got millions of sperms
And you’re changing the terms!
Oh me! Oh my!
You’re smoking the sherm!
My nuts will run dry!
My fish need to fly
Or surely they’ll die

You’re second. I’m first!
We agreed! We agreed!
Just chug on my D!
Let Seuss quench your—


Slow down, Geisel. I’m straight-edge, ass hole. And I make frequent typographical errors, so I’m gonna spell it out for ya: scoop ain’t touchin’ that Seussian schlong until scoop gets his. So what’s it gonna be?

50 years later, in the last panel, scoop and Dr. Seuss are standing in the middle of this platinum and glass mega-mall, each still waiting for the other to budge. Fuckin’ Seuss.

Date Written: December 14, 2004
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 4.8889

12/30/2004 TheBuyer (5): LAR LAR LAR
12/30/2004 scoop (5): Scoop ALWAYS wants to be first!
12/30/2004 Moe-Ron (5): no shit....
12/30/2004 Litcube (5): 20 stars for Moe-Ron's comment. Scoop, do you really bench 280? How many reps is that?
12/30/2004 Dylan Danko (5): Shit. That last line was a downer. Oh, man, after QC's recent rants about voting I don't know what to do. Fuck it.
12/30/2004 TheBuyer: moooo
12/30/2004 The Rid: Yeah. I was a little nonplussed by the whole thing. Esp. the last graf. I'll re-read in a few hours. Litcube: "How many reps is that?" Clutch.
12/30/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Pretty good.
12/30/2004 The Rid: I admit it. I just don't get this one. I'll abtsain.
12/30/2004 The Rid: *abstain
01/3/2005 Dick Vomit: that's ok, the Rid. It's an inside job
01/3/2005 Dick Vomit: Just realized that I came close to a pure 5. I think I may never do it!!!!!
01/14/2005 Mr. Pony (5): Here's another five, which should get you even closer to a perfect five! The Seuss stuff was great, and you misunderstood the nature of the argument in question perfectly! I love that they're standing, actually.
01/14/2005 Dick Vomit: YOU misunderstood the nature of the argument perfectly.
02/2/2005 port jervis (5): why am I so sad? Because the Alliance is oh so bad. I have much remorse, they can eff a horse. Dick Vomit's a stand-up lad.
02/2/2005 Cyrus (5): Just to show the alliance recognizes a great short. and FU DV
02/2/2005 Dick Vomit: Man, I don't even know this port jervis cat!