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Dr. Seuss and scoop stand face-to-face in a seedy motel, nude.


Thereís a throb in my knob!
Ahoy! Ahoy!
My knobís all a-throb!
Oh, sir! Oh, please!
Get down on your knees!
If you pull on my knob
It lobs gobs and gobs!
Or wonít you please bob your face on my cob?!


Look, fella. Iím a hard-nosed reporter, and hereís the news: Me first. You second. Like we agreed. Take it or leave it. P.S. I bench 280.


Why surely youíre high!
Iíve got millions of sperms
And youíre changing the terms!
Oh me! Oh my!
Youíre smoking the sherm!
My nuts will run dry!
My fish need to fly
Or surely theyíll die

Youíre second. Iím first!
We agreed! We agreed!
Just chug on my D!
Let Seuss quench youró


Slow down, Geisel. Iím straight-edge, ass hole. And I make frequent typographical errors, so Iím gonna spell it out for ya: scoop ainít touchiní that Seussian schlong until scoop gets his. So whatís it gonna be?

50 years later, in the last panel, scoop and Dr. Seuss are standing in the middle of this platinum and glass mega-mall, each still waiting for the other to budge. Fuckiní Seuss.

Date Written: December 14, 2004
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 4.8889

12/30/2004 TheBuyer (5): LAR LAR LAR
12/30/2004 scoop (5): Scoop ALWAYS wants to be first!
12/30/2004 Moe-Ron (5): no shit....
12/30/2004 Litcube (5): 20 stars for Moe-Ron's comment. Scoop, do you really bench 280? How many reps is that?
12/30/2004 Dylan Danko (5): Shit. That last line was a downer. Oh, man, after QC's recent rants about voting I don't know what to do. Fuck it.
12/30/2004 TheBuyer: moooo
12/30/2004 The Rid: Yeah. I was a little nonplussed by the whole thing. Esp. the last graf. I'll re-read in a few hours. Litcube: "How many reps is that?" Clutch.
12/30/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Pretty good.
12/30/2004 The Rid: I admit it. I just don't get this one. I'll abtsain.
12/30/2004 The Rid: *abstain
01/3/2005 Dick Vomit: that's ok, the Rid. It's an inside job
01/3/2005 Dick Vomit: Just realized that I came close to a pure 5. I think I may never do it!!!!!
01/14/2005 Mr. Pony (5): Here's another five, which should get you even closer to a perfect five! The Seuss stuff was great, and you misunderstood the nature of the argument in question perfectly! I love that they're standing, actually.
01/14/2005 Dick Vomit: YOU misunderstood the nature of the argument perfectly.
02/2/2005 port jervis (5): why am I so sad? Because the Alliance is oh so bad. I have much remorse, they can eff a horse. Dick Vomit's a stand-up lad.
02/2/2005 Cyrus (5): Just to show the alliance recognizes a great short. and FU DV
02/2/2005 Dick Vomit: Man, I don't even know this port jervis cat!