home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


"Yeah. So I had sex with Jack and Meg White - in the mouth. You get it now?"

The sheriff was perplexed. "You have a funny way of talking, son." In a vaguely menacing tone (of which he was unaware), he offered up the following: "How would you feel about a work furlough program?"

"I don't know." The youth looked right into the sheriff's eyes. "How would it feel, Mr. Policeman?"

Spontaneously, the sheriff unzipped his fly and removed his genitalia so that it unspilled to rest comfortably on the table top's surface. The table wasn't nearly as cold as he had anticipated. He was thankful the department had spent a little extra money on the table. He deserved better than particle board.

The sheriff, in a bit of a panic, had to improvise. "Well, see, it's on furlough."

The youth, lacking in vocabulary, was quite confused at this point.

"And now," said the sheriff, slapping the member up and down against the table (which he suddenly wished were comprised of a less dense material), "it's a'workin'."

For some reason, the kid couldn't get the intro of Seven Nation Army out of his head, its pulsing rhythms moving perfectly in time with the repeated impact before him.

Date Written: December 15, 2004
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 2.8

01/2/2005 anonymous: Those work furlough programs can be pleasurable.
01/3/2005 The Rid: Mluh.
01/3/2005 hagit mizrachy: Sheriff bangs dick to kid's internal White Stripes. Funny. But is the kid intentionally leading on the sheriff or is it a generational miscommunication?
01/3/2005 qualcomm: whoever wrote this is secretly texxx
01/3/2005 Will Disney: I like how Texxx has become Qualcomm's personal Questing Beast. Everwhere you look you see Texxx, qc!
01/3/2005 Ewan Snow: Yeah, but I thought he was crazy the last time he suspected somebody of being stash or snack bar or whatever and it turned out he was right.
01/3/2005 The Rid: Qualcomm, I didn't find this funny. Does that mean you no longer think I'm Texxx?
01/3/2005 The Rid (2): P.S.
01/3/2005 Will Disney: Ewan, that was three times ago that he was right. His paranoia has come up empty the last few go-rounds.
01/3/2005 The Rid: Hey, just out of curiousity, what if I was Texxx?
01/3/2005 qualcomm: it's not paranoia, disney. i don't think anyone's conspiring against me. i'm simply convinced that texxx cannot resist rising from the ashes.
01/3/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): I didn't quite get this one, though it had some good parts.
01/3/2005 anonymous: No, no, no. Everyone's got it all wrong. He's not hearing Paranoid in his head, it's Seven Nation Army. Please re-calibrate your votes.
01/3/2005 The Rid: Can I take a star off my vote for the author's lame comment?
01/3/2005 anonymous: No.
01/3/2005 The Rid: Pucky!
01/3/2005 hagit mizrachy (3):
01/3/2005 Will Disney: Everywhere you look you see Texxx! Qualcomm, why don't you just get over it and ASK HIM OUT ALREADY?
01/3/2005 qualcomm: so now i'm a paranoid homo with rotten taste in boyfriends?
01/3/2005 TheBuyer (3):
01/3/2005 Will Disney: Yes.
01/3/2005 Litcube (3):