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Bob was talking to the hot admin from accounting. "Baby, you wanna help me out with something?" he purred. "Yeah, wanna help me jerk off into a cup for my doctor so he can tell me why I can't have kids? How about I just jerk off into a cup and you drink it, huh? BOOYAH!"

As he yelled BOOYAH!, all heads in the office turned to look at him.

"Wow," said Bailey. "That guy is good. He can really talk to tha ladiez."

"No doubt," agreed Morgenstern. "Who would have the balls to just lay it all on the table like that!"

The conference doors swung open and an icy gust blew through the room. There was the new VP from Engineering, Sheila Benson. Tall, blonde, huge tits and a killer smile. She was no match for Bob.

She walked toward him, head held high. Bob caught her swagger and eased off the admin.

"What have we here?" mused Bob. "Some naughty cunt who wants to piss with the big boys?"

Sheila glanced down at her flawless manicure. "Just a question for you, Bob. When you jerk off at night, do you think of your mom or your sister?"

The Asian kid from Ft. Lee laughed. "Score one for Benson!" he yelled.

Bob straightened his tie. "Funny you should mention mothers, Benson. I pile drove yours in the ass so hard that my cock came out of her mouth."

"Touche, Bob." said Sheila. "Another question."

"Oh, sure, baby. Hit me."

"Can I see your memos for the Goldman account?"

"Absolutely. They're in my office. Come on."

When they got to his office, Bob leafed through last year's files and came up with the memos while Sheila undid the buttons on her blouse. When he turned around, he was surprised to see her bulbous breasts, nipples hardening in the crisp recycled office air.

"Whoa. Benson. Jesus, what are you doing?"

"I though you might want to titty-fuck me and give me a pearl necklace."

"No, no...I'm married." He held up his left hand, then pointed at his wedding ring. "See, it's just, uh..."

Benson felt her face flush. "God, I'm sorry." She put her tits away and buttoned up her shirt. "I didn't mean to embarrass you like that."

Bob said, "No, it's fine. Fine."

Benson forced a smile and said, "Well. Thanks for the memos."

"You're welcome. And uh, don't forget the company picnic Saturday. Everyone wants to meet your husband."

"Uh-huh," she said, and quickly left the room.

Date Written: December 20, 2004
Author: The Rid
Average Vote: 4

01/6/2005 TREE (4): SWEET!! I like the realism of everyone in the office having just a last name. Also was a pleasant twist to steer away from the porn ending.
01/6/2005 Will Disney: I'm surprised they stopped, once they had crossed that threshold, and all.
01/6/2005 TREE: Bob always talked a bigger game than he played.
01/6/2005 anonymous: Blueballs.
01/6/2005 anonymous: Better watch out anon. TheBuyer thinks we are all homo's.
01/6/2005 Turgid (4): Strong.
01/6/2005 anonymous: Disney, there's a time and place for things, you know?
01/6/2005 Will Disney: True dat. True dat.
01/6/2005 TheBuyer (3): the office dirty talk to her face was a bit too far over the top for the ending to work fo me.
01/6/2005 Litcube (4): The ending here worked for me because the lead-up was over the top.
01/6/2005 anonymous: Buyer: Honestly, I'm a little disappointed in your vote. Jeez.
01/6/2005 hagit mizrachy (5): Love it. Much more erotic for what doesn't happen. I got three fingers in me already.
01/6/2005 TheBuyer: Busy working, author, but I'll give you a decent explaination in a bit. Prometo.
01/6/2005 anonymous: Gracias.
01/6/2005 TheBuyer: You know what, I actually don't have a decent reason, I rounded 3.5 down. Your disappointment is noted, I'll round up some other time.
01/6/2005 TheBuyer: good news is, it's still a 4 avg Hooray!
01/6/2005 cuntry (3): Didn't buy the ending. And I'm holding this to a high standard due to the fact that I quite enjoyed it up until the office part. It was on a 5 course. But then the wife surprise transition didn't quite work and the crappy dialogue bothered me and then the husband surprise was lost.
01/6/2005 anonymous: I know I'm the author and I know I like my own short and I know I'm not gonna change anyone's mind...but Cuntry, what the fuck is your problem?
01/6/2005 cuntry: Author, if you can't take an honest assessment, don't submit yourself to peer review. And I really liked 86% of it. Jesus.
01/6/2005 anonymous: Cuntry: Humpf. I really liked this one. But you make a good point; such is life.
01/7/2005 John Slocum (5): Here you go. My adrenalin was going. I thought about whacking it.
01/7/2005 Litcube: Rid, what in cuntry's comment warranted "what the fuck is your problem?" exactly? I'm not asking because I'm judging you; I'm sincerely curious. I'm debating this whole "you and me" camping soirée, now. Not sure I want to go camping with you anymore! What if I drop the smores in the fire? What if I did? If I dropped the Smores in the fire, you'd fuckin' flip right the fuck out! Wavin' yer arms and shakin' your fists like your balls are on fire, screamin’ yer head off with your dancin' and yelling and your "what the fuck is your problem" and gettin’ your crazy spaz on! Anyway… So I’m debating.
01/7/2005 The Rid: Lit: Dropping the smores in the fire is just an accident, therefore no berating is necessary. But the thing about shorts (or mine anyway): I think some are really good, and some are just average and some are pretty fuckin' bad. This one I stuck in the category of "No one can give this less than a four. Yeah!" So when Cuntry gave it a three, I went a little batshit. But rest assured, short of you losing the McCann's oatmeal on purpose, I would never react that way while camping.
01/7/2005 The Rid: Thanks, Slocum!
01/8/2005 anonymous: This things' a total peace of shit if im the author i wood just shoot myself.
01/8/2005 Ewan Snow: "wood" anon_c?
01/8/2005 John Slocum: Yah, I got "wood" too.