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1. Dale stooped under the low archway of the crumbling ruins of a church in an old, abandoned village in Mexico. He stood upright, marvelled at her glorious, crumbling buttresses and sighed 'the sigh'. THIS is what it was all about. The church stood at the top of a slight rise, the steeple was long gone, wooden doors bleached white and fallen, holes on top of holes honeycombed the walls, but to Dale, she was hot. Every centruries old Mexican church he encountered was like greatness itself opening her slick maw to him, and he fucked the living shit out of greatness in return. Something about the smell of these places maybe, but whatever it was, it really got his sanctuary pounder rigid. Like rebar. Pants off, his worshipping cock stabbed the clay wall with his arm through a big gap, pushing from the other side. Dale fucked the church so hard part of the celing fell down behind him. 'Yucatan Yucatan Yucatan,' ran through his head in cadence, cock like fucking rebar, I said. He thwacked deeper and deeper into the earthy, terra-cotta shades, fingernails clawing for purchase in the crumbling clay of the wall. He licked two fingers on his left hand and rammed them into the church's asshole. 'Yucatan Yucatan Yucatan.'


2. 'The best thing about fucking William Shatner is the orgasms; he comes six ways from sunday, I tell you what, I mean that guy can ejaculate. All the tendons on his neck pop way the fuck out and he blasts that hot Shatner trog so hard it pitches him around the room. Tinnitus makes your nuts work better or something, or maybe it's just some unexplainable Shatnerness, there isn't enough research on fucking William Shatner, not yet. Just the same, he once hit me so hard in the head with his powerful gobs of Shatn, it was like the patented two fister to the brain stem; I blacked the fuck right out. He loves bran too. Bran.'


3. Robert Service smacked his new favorite hooker on the ass with his writing pad and she released his member. 'The Painful, Scabby Handjob of Dangerous Dan McGoo' was done and perfect, he couldn't have finished without her. His cock was fine, it's just a story.


4. Jayson has all these cocks. He has six or seven of them including the one he was born with. The other cocks he found, or probably stole. He carries them around in his pockets all day. And this is gross - the first or second time he found a random cock on a bathroom floor, Jayson picked it up and licked it like it was the last muffin on the plate because some guy walked into the can right when he found it. Jayson got to keep the cock but he got crazy sick and had to take prescription pills for like a week, so now he 'pits' them; that means he rubs them in his armpit. He could just hide the cocks in a bag or something, it is a fairly paraniod thing to 'pit' a cock, I think.

Date Written: December 28, 2004
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 4.875

01/10/2005 Mr. Romance (5): i say we promote whomever this is
01/10/2005 qualcomm: my thoughts precisely, mr. romance
01/10/2005 The Rid: First two: Good. Second two: Not so good. Not sure how to vote. But "He licked two fingers on his left hand and rammed them into the church's asshole" made me laugh out loud.
01/10/2005 qualcomm: i would lose the title
01/10/2005 Mr. Pony (5): Posting all four like this was a bold move. This vote is not for boldness, however. It is because I liked the shorts!
01/10/2005 The Rid (5): Well, I want to three this because shorts three and four kind of suck. And the chutzpah of posting four shorts at once is annoying as hell. But damn it, author, I admire your moxie!
01/10/2005 Jon Matza: Posting multiple shorts is a total rip-off of hagit. You should be ashamed!
01/10/2005 anonymous: clearly the shame is his for cutting my grass.
01/10/2005 Litcube (5): Nicely done.
01/10/2005 cuntry (4): 4 because I can't help feeling like these are packaged together as a result of an author not being able to stomach the wait of pending shorts? If I'm all wrong, I sincerely apologize and owe you a star. and a muffin.
01/10/2005 Litcube: Can I have a muffin?
01/10/2005 Stomach Foot: Stomach Foot here. I would argue that the packaging of these items into one short is highly honorable. Sort of like a band putting a bunch of great songs on one album, rather than dispersing them over several to maintain an illusion of creative fecundity. Sort of like the Replacements did throughout their lifespan. You take a song like Skyway; man, you could build an entire career on that one heartfelt ballad alone.
01/10/2005 Ewan Snow: Yes, SF, putting a bunch of shorts in a single post is good. It goes back to the rich traditions of writing shorts one after another in a notebook and/or Word document.
01/10/2005 anonymous: cuntry, the opposite. it was going to be a solid, two day block of me me me me morning and afternoon, and with 18 shorts in q I thought, "well, that's a pretty bullshit thing to do with such a long line, I'll just post them all at once! Hey, and they're all about cocks and fucking, that'll be perfect." So I deleted them, and posted them just as you see them here. This comment is kind of running away on me so, I'd like a seasonal-berry bran muffin, the big head kind, please.
01/10/2005 cuntry: duly noted. and the big-headed muffin will arrive when you least expect it. still think you could lose the title, but, no harm no foul.
01/10/2005 qualcomm: title feels like an apology/explanation, guy. without it, this short would have an extra layer of kremlinological lustre; people would study it for clues, something other than cock and fucking to tie it all together.
01/10/2005 anonymous: huh. let's try it your way then, it's just a title, no one will miss it and there is more to the package than just the cocks and the fucking.
01/10/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (5): A series of vignettes? Anyway, this is the best short I've ever read on this site.
01/11/2005 qualcomm: on behalf of acme, thebuyer, you're welcome for priceless education you've received here.
01/11/2005 TheBuyer: colour me honoured and humbled to receive it.
01/11/2005 John Slocum (5): I like 1 and 4 the best, but nice work overall. 5 'pit' cocks for you.
01/11/2005 Dylan Danko: So QC, wants to promote TheBuyer. Thoughts? Vomit and Mr. J. aussi?
01/11/2005 Jon Matza: Take it to the message board, bro"ther".
01/11/2005 scoop (5): Good stuff. Title is filled with fucking all kinds of eRRor. But good stuff.
07/13/2006 scoop: Yeah I forgot about this/these. Good stuff.
07/13/2006 TheBuyer: i forgot how long ago that was