home authors guest shorts graphical shorts

AcmeShorts

“Your problem here is that you’ve been stuffing too many bunnies into the intake vent at once,” Joe said with the slight condescension of a teacher correcting a pupil. He wiped his oily hands on the front of his stained, weathered Carhart workman’s jacket and scratched the back of his head even though it didn’t itch. He assessed the Bunny Compression Mincing Shredder XL-2017 with the concern of a doctor examining a beloved patient. “You’ve got a clog here,” Joe said more to him self then to Clareene who stood smacking on a piece of gum. “Yes indeedy you got yourself a clog.”

“Well can you fix it,” Clareene barked impudently. She was young, heartless and brash. One of the new breed. All steel no magnolia.

“I’m gonna have to aren’t I,” Joe whispered, the crags in his face echoed in the deep scars gouged in the husk of the old machine. “These bunnies won’t shred themselves.”

He opened his tool case and took out his favorite tool, wrapped with care in a worn rag, to keep it separate from the others. On some level Joe understood that no amount of magic was going to fix a machine. But that didn’t keep him from being superstitious. Hell no. He still believed in the old ways, even though they were dying a slow death like this old XL-2017 wheezing and sputtering before him.

“Wait a sec. What is this?” Joe resented employees who didn’t respect the machines. I mean if you won’t have respect for the damn machine at least have it for your self, for your trade, for your craft. “Have you been shoving dyed bunnies down this thing? You can’t do that, ma’am. No, no, no. These old models can’t handle it. We’ve got an XL-2017 here. This old gal’s got her own set of needs.”

“Listen, bub, my boss say we need 500 gallons by Friday. He says they have to be dyed. So I start filling the old antique up.” She kicked the machine

Joe winced. “Her up,” Joe corrected her.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Joe muttered. They were speaking a different language.

Clareene was growing impatient with the old timer. “Can you fix it or not.”

“Her.” Joe clenched his jaw. “Yeah I’ll get her up and running by the end of the day,” Joe said.

"Whatever." Clareene rolled her eyes and stomped off.

“I can’t tell you how much more she’s got left but she’ll give you all she’s got," Joe said mistily to the empty room. "They don't make them like they used to.”

Funny thing is you could say the same about Joe.

Date Written: January 02, 2005
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 3.8182