home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


It was Pat Sajak's last day at work. Finally.

They thought they could replace him with Rolf Benirschke, the Chargers kicker moonlighting as guest host, flirting with TV celebrity. But that guy could only carry the daytime show. The shitty version. Amateurs.

Sajak wanted to go out in style. And since he had input on the words or phrases selected for the show, he was going to make sure it all ended just right. Who do you think came up with the Mink Coat/Trip to Hawaii panel of the wheel? Merv Griffin?! Gimme a break.

The three contestants began making their way through the show's final round. "J," spouted the tubby bitch on the left. Duncan, the mildly retarded extrovert, chose "Z." Sajak grimaced. This was taking forever.

Finally, after several long minutes, the puzzle looked like this:

T H A N _ S

F _ R

N _ T H I N G

C _ C _ S U C _ E R S

Vanna's little aged heart fluttered in anticipation of the remaining letters.

Sajak envisioned himself a despot. But the producers wouldn't allow him to grow the wily pencil-thin moustache he fancied.

Date Written: January 06, 2005
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 3.875

01/17/2005 The Rid: Appealing. Gets better as it goes on. But something's lacking. Withholding vote until later. And I want it noted for the fucking record, Anon_a, that I voted first on the front page today. FU!
01/17/2005 Dick Vomit: K! Is there a K?!
01/17/2005 Dick Vomit: I'd like to solve the puzzle!
01/17/2005 TheBuyer: what's "cocosuckers"?
01/17/2005 qualcomm (4): ah, that's cute
01/17/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): It would be cool if Sajak did this.
01/17/2005 Jon Matza (4): Light & airy, cheerful, good-natured & crisp, like a '98 Chateau Diana chardonnay. Nice to have shorts like this in between the fecal explosions and jizz storms. Tidy punctuation, too.
01/17/2005 Mr. Pony (4): I'm with the #2 and #3 ranked authors on this one.
01/17/2005 TheBuyer (4): for "mildly retarded extrovert", as if there is a second kind of mild retard.
01/17/2005 Litcube (4): Funny. A few lines we could do without. "Vanna's heart.." etc. A gag like this, I feel, should punch hard and fast. Rounding up, othir.
01/17/2005 The Rid (4): 3.87 rounded up. That last paragraph is sweet.
01/17/2005 cuntry (4): Nice. 3/4. I want someone to write Shatner's exit next...