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“Are you…a guest author?”

“I’m a writer.”

“You’re neither.” Kwal Kahm poured bourbon over his palms and oiled his scalp. “You’re an occasional quiz night attendee and daily grinder who eats his meals at the appointed hour. You like the wrong videogames. You haven’t memorized Star Trek esoterica, you misconstrue philosophy and you fail to live up to your potential. Write me a short!”

“Kwal Kahm. I—”


Kwal Kahm fell over on his face.

“Hi-ho!” said Vonnegut.

“Is he dead?” asked the Cat-Shitting Cat.

“Hi-ho!” said Vonnegut, again.

“HA HA HA,” went Percival in that robot font of his.

Then, the four of us sang the first Guided by Voices tune I could find on the internet:

I drew up back when mr. skate came back from the attack
The official fag saw the cake tossed into the lake
And he crossed that lake with his overpaid army
Of rats and snakes on whiskey ships
And they are right, they were alive
They were fools, making rules
For their entrance into the butchery pools
Let them be and that’s the lesson
An overworked dreamer and his cronies
On minitracks and motorbikes
And a contest featuring human beings
And other less sprouts
And other less sprouts



Date Written: January 12, 2005
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 4.5556

01/28/2005 The Rid: You know, I was a dedicated GBV fan in college. I've seen them a half dozen times. Now I find their music kind of hollow and pointless, if hummable. Ah, the carefree days of youth!
01/28/2005 anonymous: The Rid Posted 12/12/2004 1:37:04 AM Hey, any chance we can get a link that brings together all the inside shorts? I find them wicked funny, even if I don't know any of this info personally.
01/28/2005 anonymous: That is available to you in the convenient Browse Shorts by: pull-down menu.
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: so that's it?
01/28/2005 anonymous: Yep! Whimper. Not bang.
01/28/2005 Litcube: So. Anyone wanna makeout?
01/28/2005 Jon Matza (4): 1st and last episodes were minkest.
01/28/2005 The Rid: Yeah, I know about the "Inside Short" pulldown.
01/28/2005 Mr. Negative: Hey, these are all shorts about shit.
01/28/2005 Dick Vomit: was just answering anon_a, duder! what do I know from shit?


01/28/2005 The Rid: Cube: We still going camping?
01/28/2005 anonymous: rid how..dare...you[?]
01/28/2005 Litcube: Rid: For sure, dude. Know where I like to go? Northern Massachussetts. Crane's beach.
01/28/2005 anonymous: Aww, fellas.
01/28/2005 TheBuyer (4): Four for the whole series, Dick Vomit, totally worth the three or four days or whatever it was.
01/28/2005 Cyrus (4): Above average result for series. Some very crappy stuff but lot's of great shit to
01/28/2005 anonymous: TOO
01/28/2005 anonymous: .
01/28/2005 Cyrus: Yes too you are correct.
01/29/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Yes, four for the series.
01/30/2005 The Rid: DV, I think I'm going to abstain for a little while longer on voting for the whole series. Some time away is necessary before I give an objective vote.
01/30/2005 Dick Vomit: nyeah, bra. totally. s'coo
01/30/2005 Mr. Joshua (5): DV, I want you to know that I harbor no ill will. I really think that the alliance needs a third column....I ask you once again to be that column. How much longer will we allow the full authors to hold us back, grind us down, make us feel like the dirt that we are?
01/31/2005 Litcube (5):
02/2/2005 qualcomm (5): this is great
02/2/2005 scoop: The Rid: You know, I was a dedicated GBV fan in college. I've seen them a half dozen times. Now I find their music kind of hollow and pointless, if hummable. Ah, the carefree days of youth!
02/2/2005 qualcomm: what are you getting at there, scoop?
02/2/2005 The Rid (5): QC: Ditto.
02/2/2005 The Rid: Yeah, scoop, what the hell?
02/2/2005 port jervis (5): DV has a posse.