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I once knew this Japanese girl who was in this little world of her own. I suppose she came from a typically Nipponese world of spirits, honor and insane conservatism. She was really young and innocent, and if you were to look at her in a sexual way, which was absolutely forbidden and unthinkable, you would find her to be really hot. She had these distorted ideas about the length of skirts. They were always showing pantie.

She was a girl, but she thought she knew about love. Hah. Lens flares, hazy white filters, etc. It was kind of nice, but then she would always flip into evil mode, or Tsakunasi in Japanese. Her eyes would grow enormous and would shimmer like vibrating gelatin. Things would move and bundle under her skin. You think I'm being metaphoric or something, but I'm not - this shit happens with her. Once she threw my mailman, just to get even with me.

Still, my lasting impression of her is one of yellows and pinks and beauty. Once she asked me “Have you not imagined your elders singing in perfect unison?”. I didn’t respond to that, but it was a lovely thought. Only when she said "elders", it sounded like "udders". Maybe that's why I didn't respond. We don't really talk anymore. I think about her though. I don't know.

Date Written: January 17, 2005
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 4.0909

01/25/2005 Phony Millions: This is true, I think. The second paragraph is downright weird. It sounds like someone speaking english as a second language sometimes - is that the idea? The last paragraph has a cool rhtyhm - sing song/poetic/makeshift.
01/25/2005 Phony Millions (4): Rhythm.
01/25/2005 Will Disney: enjoyable read.
01/25/2005 The Rid (4): Gently, goofily wonderful.
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow (4): Chary premise. Executive branch could have been more chary, though.
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: For instance "You think I'm being metaphoric or something, but I'm not - this shit happens with her." This was not chary and, in general, drained some of the chariness out of this otherwise chary short.
01/25/2005 Mr. Pony (4): You thought he was being metaphoric, didn't you? You've never seen this happen, have you?
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: No, I just thought the short would have been charier if the author hadn't felt the need to explain that it was literal, which was the whole joke and which I had thought was chary since the first line.
01/25/2005 qualcomm (4): interesting
01/25/2005 Mr. Pony: You're saying that that particular joke was inherent in the first line?
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: Pony, are you talking to me? If so, here is my answer: from the beginning of this short, I took it literally. I understood the joke to be that the narrator knows this Japanese girl who is actually like an anime character (or whatever). The point of this joke in general, as I understood it, was that the narrator wasn't making a metaphor, but was describing an actual girl with these characteristics. This is what I found so chary. However, when, 3/4 of the way through the short, the narrator informs me that he isn't being metaphorical, I'm like "no duh!" In short, I found this needless explanation (even though it was intended to be a little ironic maybe) to reduce the overall chariness of the short and, in short, make it less chary. If you have any further questions regarding my estimation of this shorts chariness, please let me know.
01/25/2005 qualcomm: my anime mistress' eyes are nothing like gelatin
01/25/2005 qualcomm: snow, i'm not sure the factuality of the girl's animeness is so chary. wouldn't it be just as chary if the conceit were that the narrator is making these metaphors without realizing that they're stereotypes/anime cliches, either because he has no knowledge of anime, or possibly just because he's an idiot whose brain has been infected by anime's aesthetic?
01/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Huh. Snow, I think you're focusing too tightly on that particular aspect of the short. I think there's more to this than just the anime thing. That's okay; a lot of white people seem to overgeneralize and fetishize when thinking about Orientals. Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing--so may white people do it, it's not even considered racist anymore.
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: QC, I think you meant to cite the following: Bearing thine eyes, which I will keep so chary As tender nurse her gelatin from faring ill.
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: Oh, shut up, Pony. I said "anime character (or whatever)". The "(or whatever)" should be more than enough to cover whatever primitive culture the yellow peril has beyond cheap cartoons! And besides, it has no bearing on the needlessness of the explanation re: non-metaphoric, nor on the subsequent chary deprivation in which it resulted!
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: QC, yes, and in fact that would have been more chary, perhaps. But that would have been a clever twist. However, at the very least, in the reality of the short from the beginning on, one assumes that the narrator sees the subject this way and is not being metaphorical. Hence the explanation is not chary. Good question, though.
01/25/2005 Mr. Pony: Snow, relax! I said that your overgeneralization and fetishization wasn't considered racist! I said that, didn't I? You're in the clear!
01/25/2005 qualcomm: i am the most likable author.
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: I wouldn't fetishize a Jap for all the tea in China.
01/25/2005 Mr. Pony: You're what?
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: No way, I'm the most likable author. And the most chary.
01/25/2005 qualcomm: snow, i have a question for you about a word you've been using.
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: Which word?
01/25/2005 qualcomm: no, never mind
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: Yeah, but which word were you referring to?
01/25/2005 qualcomm: no, forget about it
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: I can't read minds, you know.
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: In the name of all things chary, what word?! What was the question?!
01/25/2005 qualcomm: i told you to forget it [slurp, slurp]
01/25/2005 Ewan Snow: You've been doing a lot of this today and I don't find it cute.
01/25/2005 TheBuyer (4): Oishisou!
01/25/2005 Jawbreaker (4): Nice... very nice.
01/25/2005 Dylan Danko (4):
01/25/2005 Litcube (4): In particular, enjoyed the second paragraph.
01/25/2005 Pusher Robot: UNF UNF UNF UNF
01/25/2005 Jon Matza (4): 4 it is
01/28/2005 John Slocum (5): I didn't exactly laugh out loud on this one, but loved the tone, the far away tone. Well done! Quite chary. Hey, what does chary mean?