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Butch pulled off his cap and grabbed a bottle of milk from the ice box. He found some cookies in the pantry, and then went to the living room and flopped down in front of the radio. The Shadow was about to come on, so Butch slipped his hand down his slacks, ready to mash mutton, when his mom came in from the kitchen. Rats! He was always pulling boners like this.
“Butch! You know very well you’re not supposed to heave hose before your father comes home.” Butch’s mom sat on the edge of the couch and smoothed the pleats of her dress. Then she spread her legs wide open and showed off her tangled, swampy pubes.
“Golly fuck, ma’am, The Shadow’s almost on and I’m ready to pop!” He sulked over to the set and turned it off.
Just then, the sound of Butch’s father’s Studebaker crashing through the garage door drifted into the living room. A moment later, Butch’s father stumbled into the living room, his face bloody as usual from the crash into the garage door. He loosened his tie, glanced at his wife’s rat’s nest, noticing how her now-swollen, gray, protruding lips peeked out through the pubic underbrush, and how her wetness had dripped down and was pooling on her asshole, causing the stray tufts of hair there to curl together in clumps. He patted Butch on the head, parked it on the couch next to his wife, and pulled out his love slug.
“Now who wants to tune into The Shadow?” Butch’s Father said with a wink to the boy.
“Yay!!” squealed Butch. He ran to the set and turned it back on. And with that, they all settled down to masturbate like a family.
Date Written: January 20, 2005Comments:
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4.2857
01/27/2005 qualcomm: does butch keep the sleeves of his itchy turtleneck sweater rolled up?
01/27/2005 qualcomm (4): with this kind of home life, no wonder butch (who keeps the sleeves of his itchy turtleneck sweater rolled up) is such a bully.
01/27/2005 Phony Millions (4): Greying female pubes always stoke me heart strings.
01/27/2005 Ewan Snow (5): Hell, I laughed.
01/27/2005 The Rid (4): Solid.
01/27/2005 Cyrus (5): Agree. I laughed at this. First short of the week to achieve that reaction.
01/27/2005 qualcomm: by the way, is "slacks" really the right word for butch's pants? trousers, maybe? bagaloons?
01/27/2005 qualcomm: knickers!
01/27/2005 Mr. Pony (4):
01/27/2005 anonymous: Not sure, qc, but I assure you I thought carefully about the options. "Slacks" seemed like the least comfortable, which is why I chose it. Also, I pictured them as being neatly creased and made of thin dark wool. You know, school clothes.
01/27/2005 TheBuyer (4): "He was always pulling boners like this." may have actually winked at me.
01/27/2005 Litcube (4):
01/27/2005 John Slocum (4): loved this: 'tangled, swampy pubes' and 'how her now-swollen, gray, protruding lips peaked out through the pubic underbrush, and how her wetness had dripped down and was pooling on her asshole, causing the stray tufts of hair there to curl together in clumps.' WONDERFUL, okay? You've really captured the mid-century bush.
01/27/2005 cuntry (4): slacks or trousers, both are appropriate for period i think. "short pants" too. but, wasn't shadow a radio show in the time when they would have worn the trousers? whatever. good stuff.
01/27/2005 Dick Vomit (5): Rats! Also: peeked.
01/27/2005 Mr. Pony: could be either, no?
01/27/2005 Dick Vomit: Well, if the lips are playing pubic peekaboo, then no. Alternatively, if the lips are sort of becoming self-actualized at that moment...then....yes?
01/27/2005 Mr. Pony: Like a mountain above the clouds? Can you see the picture I'm thinking in?
01/27/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Is this Shadow a woman or a man?
01/27/2005 TheBuyer: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow Knows!
01/27/2005 Jawbreaker (5): 5 stars for grossing me out!
01/27/2005 The Lerpa: Lerpa!
01/27/2005 Ol‘ Summer Sausage: oh, really, pony? EXACTLY as good as this one? you asshole.
01/27/2005 Mr. Minstrel Show Pony: Hello dere, ol' summa sausage! You bes' be calm now, chil'.
01/27/2005 qualcomm: really, pony, now you've gone too far. that is just tasteless and not at all funny.
01/27/2005 Naked qualcomm: Look at me!! I'm naked!!
01/27/2005 Mr. Minstrel Show Pony: I cain't see, I cain't see! Hep me, Jebus, I gots shoe polish in ma eyes!
01/27/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum (5):
01/27/2005 quaIcomm: relly pony. please stop. your makeing an ass out of yourself!
01/27/2005 The Rid: I think Acmeshorts just took a left turn into Hell.
01/27/2005 Jon Matza (4): While far less linguistically lugnut than today's other short, this 'un compensates well via its nausea-inducing visceral impact.