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Mac Joad was a comer fresh out of the Indiana corn fields with fair hair and honest hands. He was a simple kid, but he could put a sentence together all right and he knew something of men's hearts, so he got into the advertising game. He was proud to be a real salaryman in the big city.

"How do you like Hartford?" Mac's new boss Dave asked. He sat on the edge of his desk with his legs splayed.

"A little scary at first, but I'm getting used to it," Mac figured Dave wanted to hear.

"Yeah. Listen, I'm going to get up and close the door."


Mac's boss shut the door and stood behind him.

"I don't want to sound all paranoid, but we have to stick together," Dave said. "All these business school jerks. We're the only English majors on the floor, the only creative types." He put his hands on Mac's shoulders and spoke close to his ear, his breath malty with PowerBars. "You know, a young kid like you, new to the city... there are a lot of opportunities that wouldn't necessarily come your way out in the sticks."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying, lots of times when you're young, opportunities present themselves to you, and you don't take them. You figure they'll always be there for you. Well they won't. See what I mean?"

"Not really, Dave. What's your point?"

Dave went to the window and closed the blinds.

"Your, uh, resume says you almost made All American in wrestling."

"You bet I did."

Dave cleared the chairs away from the center of the room and got down on all fours, thrusting his boxy, late 30s ass into the air.

"Let's grapple," he said.

"Gee," said Mac, looking at the door.

"Aw, come on. It's not gay to have a little grapple, is it?"

"No, of course not."

Mac knelt, grabbed his boss' elbow and laid his ear between his shoulder blades.



"Suppose I grapevined my leg around yours in the starting position?" Dave said, doing so.

"It'd be an illegal move, Dave. What's your point?"

"Well, now... suppose I just reached back and put my hand on the inside of your thigh," said Dave, taking that liberty. "What's to stop a fellow from doing that?"

"The rules of the sport, Dave. What's your point?" Mac said, irritated now.

"Doesn't make a man gay, does it?"

"No, Dave, I suppose it doesn't in and of itself. What's your point?"

"And massaging those big farmer's balls through your slacks. There's no law against that, is there?"

"Can we please get to the point?"

"I mean, just because your penis is responding to my touch, growing hard as... as... hey, you're a country boy, Mac, what's a nice hard wood?"

"Northern red oak, Dave. What's your point?"

"Well, it's not gay is all I'm saying. You'll concede that, right?"

"Dave: what is your point?"

Half an hour later, pulling the tacky threads of his boss' semen from his lips, Mac had to allow that it wasn't necessarily gay, what had happened in there. For the life of him, though, he just couldn't figure Dave's point.

Date Written: January 21, 2005
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.46154

02/1/2005 Jawbreaker (4): Ha!
02/1/2005 Ewan Snow (5): It's sort of a rip-off that you never explain what the fuck his point is.
02/1/2005 The Rid: As a midwestern boy who can put a sentence together - and in a sense works in advertising - I'm not sure how I feel about this short.
02/1/2005 anonymous: Turned on?
02/1/2005 The Rid: Not turned on per se, but there's a certain truth to the boy's innocence.
02/1/2005 TheBuyer (5): hey, great treatment!
02/1/2005 Mr. Negative: Yeah, Rid. The midwest is a breeding ground for guys who "bat for the other team."
02/1/2005 TheBuyer: The Mets?
02/1/2005 The Rid: Mr. Negative, why are you attacking me?
02/1/2005 Jon Matza (5): G.O.A.T.
02/1/2005 cuntry (4): titters in the office for this one. his breath malty with PowerBars is excellent. the last line though, bit of a let down. and is "grapple" the correct wrestling term for a rumble?
02/1/2005 The Rid (5): Like Jawbreaker said, "Ha!"
02/1/2005 Dylan Danko (4): You mean a tumble, Cuntry? Anyway, I don't know about this. It seems so very familiar, this particular bit of schtick. Still, nicely rendered.
02/1/2005 Litcube (5):
02/1/2005 Phony Millions (5): Very...gay. Very funny. I like "boxy, late 30's ass" - that's quite a visual. And the whole thing has a consistency to it that I think is what makes it so funny.
02/2/2005 qualcomm: fans of this short may be interested to learn that mac is based on a friend of my brother who once told me a story in which he reacted to forward homo advances in this fashion.
02/2/2005 Dick Vomit: you mean with confusion/cocksucing?
02/2/2005 Dick Vomit: +k
02/2/2005 qualcomm: no, by repeatedly saying "What's your point?" to each not-so-subtle advance made by his gay aggressor. i believe he ended up submitting to a few seconds of a handjob before realizing that, despite the fact that it felt good, it was in fact gay.
02/2/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Dave sounds a little like qualcomm when he's had about one third of too much to drink. On a somewhat unrelated note, "Yeah. Listen, I'm going to get up and close the door" was real Mjolnir.
02/2/2005 qualcomm: dave is based on an old boss of mine who came on to me with that line about opportunities. also with that creative stuff. he had this terrific, sneaky, long con implication that it would be uncreative to not experiment with homoism.
02/2/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum (4):
02/2/2005 scoop (4):
02/3/2005 John Slocum (4):
02/8/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum: I wish I'd given this 5 stars now. Sorry QC. That opening alone is worth it. I owe ya one.
04/15/2011 scoop: I'm worried that I have one of these late-30s box asses now.