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"My work as a mammalian biologist is quite intellectually enriching. I regularly survey the experiences of my vocation to better understand human behavior and the social trajectory thereof."

"For instance, consider hippopotami. They may appear to be lumbering and dull-witted beasts of Artiodactylic descent, but they have evolved very complex social interactions. It is a regular habit of hippopotami to take shits - literally - on their social inferiors. It's called ``dung showering'', and it codifies the social order, a breakdown of which could cause the spiralling extinction of the species. It's a disgusting yet critical expression of superiority and ownership."

"So, my dear friend, this is the promised explanation for my behavior at your recent nuptials. I do hope the tuxedo wasn't ruined."

Now I understood everything. The bastard would pay. I clenched the letter and scowled, but the fury wouldn't come. I was already the beta male; I was already in his thrall.

Date Written: January 21, 2005
Author: Streifenbeuteldachs
Average Vote: 3.8

02/7/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: I bet if you had diarrhea you could really "dung shower". Too tired to appreciate short, will vote tomorrow.
02/7/2005 The Rid: I think that last graf is superfluous.
02/7/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): I don't mind the last graf. I think just the first two sentences of said graf could go. I like the guy's reaction though.
02/7/2005 Dick Vomit: I would not agree that the last graf is superfluous. I would not say that!
02/7/2005 TheBuyer (4): Hey, good one!
02/7/2005 Sergio (4): I hate those sneaky alpha males. The last graph is absolutely necessary to give the short it's intended direction.
02/7/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Yeah, that last paragraph is what turns this from an "and that's why I'm late for school" joke into something interesting. Agree with Jimson about the first two sentences, but yeah.
02/7/2005 Litcube (4): Hey, not bad!
02/7/2005 The Rid (4): On re-read, I laughed out loud at "I do hope the tuxedo wasn't ruined." Heh.
02/7/2005 Cyrus: Of course you did Rid.
02/7/2005 Mass Ass: I think this one deserves four stars. I thought the last graf was superfluous. Also, now that I re-read it, I think "I do hope the tuxedo wasn't ruined" is funny.
02/7/2005 The Rid: Wow, Mass Ass! What a coincidence!
02/7/2005 Mass Ass: Oh, you think it's a coincidence? Me too, then!
02/7/2005 Dick Vomit: HAW HAW HAW HAW
02/7/2005 Jawbreaker (4):
02/7/2005 Dylan Danko: Hey! Animals!
02/7/2005 cuntry (2):
02/8/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: I feel that after seven consecutive fours, that two requires an explanation of some kind.
02/8/2005 John Slocum (4): Good idea.
02/8/2005 Klause Muppet (4):