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Same shit, different day. That is my motto. Somebody told me once that I am a very negative person. Pessimistic. Gloomy. Hopeless. Fuck those positive, happy, go-getter fuckers. I live my life the way I want to. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. They can all lick my sweaty asshole for all I care. Everyday I do the same thing and this is how it goes (not like I care what you dicks think anyway):

Daily To Do List:

1. Feed dog
2. Kick the cat
3. Buy milk
4. Make the sales clerk cry by telling her she has a low life job and her life means nothing
5. Go to work
6. Spit in the boss’s coffee
7. Tell the old guy that says hello to everyone to fuck himself
8. Sponge up the old guys’s tears and use them as milk in my tea
9. Dwell on the fact I can make people cry
10. Go to gym
11. Tell the fat bitch on the stairmaster next to me that her form is wrong
12. Shower/Make sure to get athlete’s foot
13. Go home
14. Walk dog
15. Kick the cat

Like I said. Same shit, different day.

Date Written: January 25, 2005
Author: Jawbreaker
Average Vote: 2.875

Comments:
02/10/2005 The Rid: #7 rings true. #11 is also true.
02/10/2005 Sergio: Too bad the list was added to this. Graf at top is slick but you can not kick a cat and expect any acceptance you bastard!
02/10/2005 Mr. Pony: This, I think, is the bravest, boldest thing I've read today, and maybe ever. 12 is so awesome--I mean, this guy just doesn't care! But yeah, 7 is 'da fucking bomb'. Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
02/10/2005 "Banny" Maniacs: I totally agree!
02/10/2005 TheBuyer: Hey, Mr. Negative wrote a short!
02/10/2005 Litcube: So, you're not a very nice person, then.
02/10/2005 TheBuyer: I think he's just in a lot of pain, you know, 'complex'?
02/10/2005 Litcube: You mean, as an excuse to be a not very nice person?
02/10/2005 Mr. Negative: Actually, Mr. Negative didn't write this one, but thanks for the shout-out, asshole!
02/10/2005 Dark Pony: Oh, so Mr. Negative has taken to referring to himself in the third person? What a fucking douchetard. Holy fuck.
02/10/2005 Mr. Negative: Actually, Dark Pony, I referred to myself in third person because of the nature of the original comment. Way to not get it, assfuck!
02/10/2005 Dark Pony: Shaddup, ya mary. Goddamnit.
02/10/2005 TheBuyer: Litcube, I see it not as an excuse to behave in such a way, but more as an expression of his inner turmoil. Also, he could just be really shy.
02/10/2005 Mr. Pony: FU, Dark Pony!
02/10/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey looks like we can look forward to reading this short again in another week or so! Snow, is this your doing, you totally hardcore rascal?
02/10/2005 The Rid: Pony, which short are you talking about? "The world is bullshit"?
02/10/2005 The Rid (4): Forgot to vote.
02/10/2005 Sergio: That is f'n funny. On a different day! If it is the same short next week I'm gonna five it.
02/10/2005 Litcube: Do you think, perhaps, that society has failed this Author, Buyer? Were we lax in our obligation to the early recognition of a certain child’s fragile psyche, thereby guilty of his future crimes?
02/10/2005 anonymous: This might belong to the Rid...
02/10/2005 anonymous: Because he voted? He is pretty generous with himself pre-reveal.
02/10/2005 TheBuyer: No, Mr. Litcube I don't. I think it's a fault in his parenting and possibly some traumatic episode from his adult life that won't let him trust so he builds these walls and garnishes them with thorns, the pointy kind, he doesn't want anyone getting under his abrasive exterior because he fears that deep down inside he really may be an asshole so if he pretends to be one first, he can't be accused of having an asshole soul.
02/10/2005 anonymous: Frankly, I'm not sure the Rid is capable of writing a sizzler like #7.
02/10/2005 anonymous: sure he is
02/10/2005 Ewan Snow (2): forgive me, forgive me...
02/10/2005 anonymous: Whatever, ass hole.
02/10/2005 anonymous: Well, this sure *sounds* like The Rid!
02/10/2005 TheBuyer (2): Litcube, I was wrong, he's just bored, busy, and lazy.
02/10/2005 anonymous: This asshole is not The Rid. Actually I was writing this from a woman's perspective, which is really hard to tell. I seem to know from expereince that some women really do speak and think like a guy and this is one of those cases. It's pretty much a combination of what Buyer and Litcube are saying. She feels like her life is completley worthless therefore she has to go around and make everyone else miserable. I was going to add in a specific reason why she is a miserable bitch but I like seeing what the authors/guests come up with.
02/10/2005 The Rid: Well, guys, it seems there's a lotta debate over my possible authorship of this short. I can assure ya, it ain't me. Thanks for the lack of faith, anon_user-c (Asshole!).
02/10/2005 Litcube: I believe you’re spot on, Buyer. Really, crushing a man’s trust is a paramount catalyst with which he finds reason to enclose his vulnerable heart in dark brambles and barbed wire. Perhaps we’re gaining on reason.
02/10/2005 Litcube: Or he's lazy.
02/10/2005 Ewan Snow: Author, for what it's worth, I think you were right to not specify why the narrator is angry. And I don't think it matters if it's a man or a woman. The problem for me was that the "unreasonably angry" narrator shtick has been done a lot on this site, and the specifics of the narrator's anger (his/her actions) were not surprising or funny enough.
02/10/2005 Dick Vomit (2): this didn't soar
02/10/2005 anonymous: Let the eagle soar, Like she's never soared before. From rocky coast to golden shore, Let the mighty eagle soar. Soar with healing in her wings, As the land beneath her sings: "Only god, no other kings." This country's far too young to die. We've still got a lot of climbing to do, And we can make it if we try. Built by toils and struggles God has led us through.
02/10/2005 anonymous: I respect that opinion, Snow. I was trying to take the little things in my life that could really piss me off if I were an asshole. But I guess it just wasn't that funny to everyone else.
02/10/2005 Phony Millions (4): Nevertheless those twos strike me as a little low. This is a short that is not a happy go lucky affair and that's fine with me - variety is important and it's been a while since I've seen an unapologetically negative short. It makes you cringe, and maybe laugh.
02/10/2005 The Ride: *Evans for President!*
02/10/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): I laughed.
02/10/2005 Jon Matza: "Make sure to get athlete’s foot" was about the only moment that fed the babies that don't have enough to eat.
02/11/2005 cuntry (2): this feels like it's trying too hard to be mean-spirtied, without actually succeeding. did not ring true nasty.
02/11/2005 Mr. Pony: HARDCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
02/11/2005 Litcube (3): Hey, guy. How's it hangin'? Little to the left, eh? AAAAH HA HA HA HA HA... Ahhh.. .. Anyway.. I'm not sure what to make of this "list", so I'm three'n this puppy in hopes that I'm as close to a "correct vote" as possible.