home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
The woman who sat across from Peter on the train every morning had been away the week before. It was Monday morning and she was back now. Peter noticed that she had a new keychain hanging from the strap of her work bag. It indicated: Cancun.
Peter had managed to broach the following topics with this woman, each on at least one occasion:
* the lateness of the train
* the weather
* loud person sitting near them (in this case he had actually only rolled his eyes at her but she had smiled directly in response)
Now came an opportunity.
"Cancun, huh?" he asked.
The woman looked confused for a second. Then she looked down at her bag at the keychain.
"Oh, uh, yes," she said.
Then she went back to her newspaper.
And then the next day she wasn't sitting across from Peter anymore!
Date Written: February 07, 2005Comments:
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 3.7857
02/16/2005 Will Disney: loser!
02/16/2005 The Rid: What a bitch. What a dork.
02/16/2005 qualcomm: are you sure peter's name wasn't really henry, author?
02/16/2005 anonymous: hmmm?
02/16/2005 qualcomm: nothing
02/16/2005 John Slocum (5): Dark, evil, lisping, satannic, scurvy-ridden, licey Disney.
02/16/2005 John Slocum: classic Disney final exclamation point!
02/16/2005 qualcomm (3): i didn't like this one so much!
02/16/2005 anonymous: surprise!
02/16/2005 Jon Matza: He should have been like, "go hang your poseur hipster self by the trendy Cancun key chain you wear from the strap of your work bag and spare us your endless comments!"
02/16/2005 anonymous: yeah! yeah!
02/16/2005 Dylan Danko (4):
02/16/2005 Mr. Pony (3): I'm not sure I can fully get on board with this "a short short is a good short" movement that's been sweeping North America, but the length of this one could have been significantly reduced with highly beneficial results. I like the joke, but the short; she is fattay. 3.45
02/16/2005 qualcomm: oh yeah, danko, you're just voting as a reaction to my vote. everything you do is a reaction to me.
02/16/2005 Phony Millions (4): Didn't seem to fatty to me. If it is in fact Slocum 'imitiating' Disney, which I wager it is, I'm going to give it a four, ironically, for being such a good copy of someone else's style. Is that your angle, Slocum - confusing our supposed sympathies?
02/16/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): The bullet list of conversation topics was cool.
02/16/2005 John Slocum: this one really is disney.
02/16/2005 John Slocum: this one really is disney.
02/16/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): I like the bullet points. I also like "It indicated: Cancun." This was probably somewhere between a three and four, rounded up because I'm nice.
02/16/2005 Litcube: Ahah! Look! Lookit! She wasn't sitting across from him after he did the thing! Because he asked about .. and he.. Aha!
Shirtless Steve: the first bullet, I think, could use a face lift.
02/16/2005 Litcube (4): Up my alley.
02/16/2005 Mr. Pony: Oddly enough, it was the bulleted list (and the sentence leading up to it) that struck me as unnecessary and kind of harmful to the joke. I mean, how important is it that they talked before? I thought it would have been funnier to highlight the inherent sad lameness of "Cancun, huh?" instead of making it the final straw in a longer series of weak attempts to start a conversation. Maybe I'm asking for a different short, and if so, I apologize.
02/16/2005 Phony Millions: I think so, Pony - we needed the list to establish that Peter really wanted to hook up with her, and we needed the final straw to pave the way for the slightly devestating ending.
02/16/2005 John Slocum: Mr. pony: the bulleted list is CRUCIAL to the execution of this joke!!!!!! (Unless you're saying disney could have disseminated the 3 topics in a normal sentence.) They (the topics) establish how pathetic peter is, and the bulleted list give an indication as to why.
02/16/2005 Phony Millions: beat you to it Slocum
02/16/2005 Mr. Pony: See, I think "Cancun, huh?" does all that just fine.
02/16/2005 John Slocum: Pony: the bulleted list potentiates the 'cancun,huh?' line, making it powerful enough to kill.
02/16/2005 Phony Millions: Minimalist indeed, that would be.
02/16/2005 John Slocum: damn, brad, quick on the trigger.
02/16/2005 Mr. Pony: Okay.
02/16/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum: Say, Pony. I think you won me over. I think it was the form of the bulleted list more than function that appealed to me. Also that Peter might be going over in his mind the lame topics he'd already covered. And that he might actually think that way--that is in a bulleted list. But you do have a point. I certainly wouldn't have missed it.
02/16/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: Yes, as others have noted, the form of the bullet list served to highlight Peter's ineffectiveness at conversing with women. Also humorous was the implied way that he had broached said topics with this woman perhaps more than once. The fundamental question, though, remains: was this woman within Peter's league? Are we right to feel sorry for him, or ought we to deride him for aiming high?
02/16/2005 qualcomm: i didn't feel anything for peter or the woman. hence, the three.
02/16/2005 TheBuyer: I used to be a total Peter.
02/16/2005 anonymous: Used to be?
02/16/2005 anonymous: Why the anonymous, Pix?
02/16/2005 The Rid (3):
02/16/2005 Dick Vomit: I don't think Peter's pathetic. What else can you talk to a strange lady about? I think he was laying some great groundwork until she decided to be a bitchface!
02/16/2005 John Slocum: He could have said: 'Have you read the new works by Van Kluyben?' Always worked for me.
02/16/2005 qualcomm: like dick vomit, i also believe that peter is really terrific with the ladies.
02/16/2005 cuntry (3): does someone want to explain why "indicated" is better than "read"?
02/16/2005 Ewan Snow: Because it's much, much stupider.
02/16/2005 cuntry: anyway, i'm with Pony - this left me wanting more and felt too abreviated. It was good writin' though, good writin'
02/16/2005 cuntry: oh, oops. pony said the opposite. i'm not with him at all!
02/16/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum: I would have said sillier, but, yeah, what Snow said.
02/16/2005 Jon Matza (4): I enjoyed this even though in real life she would've given him oral.
02/16/2005 anonymous: That's aural.
02/16/2005 Jawbreaker (4): I like DV's comment... "bitchface"
02/16/2005 Benny Maniacs (4): The simplicity was nice; a good authentic short. Did you like how I said authentic? This short is authentic.
02/16/2005 TheBuyer (5): This improved slowly throughout the day and just got a good laugh out of me. Nice job, scoop!
02/16/2005 John Slocum: good call, TheBuyer!
02/17/2005 John Slocum: Disney!Disney!Disney!Disney!Disney!Disney!
02/17/2005 TheBuyer: I'll get the next one.
02/17/2005 John Slocum: Scoop's not currently in the author's list.