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"Okay, I hang, then what the hell do I do, I die?" James asked. His hands were bound behind his back, there was a noose around his neck, he was sitting on a sawhorse made out of 2x4s in the red earth hills near Kamloops. His brother Randy held a rifle pointed at the dirt between them, he had a twig in his teeth. The bloom was early that year, soon the ground would be covered in pink apple blossoms but they still had a few weeks to be cowboys until that happened.
"No, you don't die, just make sure that knot isn't off to the side so your neck don't snap when Justin brings the stick-"
"Switch, and he's not here."
"Ya switch, we'll just fake his part. So when Justin brings the switch down to smack the horse, I shoot the rope and it breaks."
James looked up at the rope, then squinted back at his brother. If only Justin had felt like breathing when he was born he could be The damn Ugly, but no, he had better things to do, like staying dead; loser.
Randy shut one eye and whistled Ennio Morricone as James made the whip sound and swung off the sawhorse. 'Whatever Justin,' James thought as he twisted in the sunshine, 'Hope you're happy up in heaven with all the drowned kittens and baby birds that got touched, dumb stillborn jerk.'
Date Written: February 10, 2005Comments:
Average Vote: 2.5714
02/17/2005 TheBuyer: Kamloops has red-earth hills? I didn't know that.
02/17/2005 Mr. Pony (4):
02/17/2005 qualcomm (3):
02/17/2005 Jon Matza (2): Lets make a pyramid!
02/17/2005 TheBuyer (1): Sure!
02/17/2005 Litcube (3):
02/17/2005 Benny Maniacs (2): This one was like a wheel of brie, sliced and sectioned before its time. F+
02/17/2005 anonymous: Benny, I have no idea what you are talking about, but since no one else bothered to say what the problems in the short are, thanks for the note.
02/17/2005 Mr. Pony: Sorry for voting and running, Author. I agree that there are problems with this (it's a little too spelly-outie), and maybe I was being overly awesome by giving it a four, but I really liked the skewed sibling rivalry thing you were shooting for here.
02/17/2005 anonymous: No worries, my comment looks a lot more crybaby than I meant it to.
02/17/2005 Benny Maniacs: I apologize for the obscurity. I meant that the idea was appetizing, but that the product seemed half-developed, possibly under-matured, or too young, before it was shared with friends. Slocum please assist on these cheesological metaphors.
02/17/2005 The Rid (2):
02/17/2005 anonymous: why do you fear my brillaint, retarded mind?
02/17/2005 Jon Matza: "brillaint" is right.
02/17/2005 TheBuyer: thank you, finally someone recognises my brillaince, even if it is Jon Matza who is prababally just making fun of me.
02/17/2005 anonymous: Whoa, don't go picking a fight with Matza, idiot, he doesn't "trust" you.
02/17/2005 Litcube: Also, stay clear of Mr. Pony in the halls.
02/18/2005 Mr. Pony:
02/18/2005 Mr. Pony: Litcube, I'm sorry I thought you were a girl for so long. I'm sorry I pretended to think you were a girl for so long after that. I'm sorry I hit on you that one time. I'm sorry if it's unclear as to which of the two periods I hit on you in.
02/18/2005 John Slocum (2): Maniacs: the affineur didn't allow the curd to set and the baccillus cheesosaurus hadn't taken yet. Curd to set, taken yet...curd to set, taken yet....curd to set, taken yet...EVERYBODY!...curd to set, taken yet...CURD TO SET, TAKEN YET! I don't know much about cheese, maniacs, love eating it though. The Buyer: Good idea but didn't get much pleasure out of reading this because, first of all, it was difficult to read and understand, totally unclear, and second of all, once I understood it, it turned out not to be that funny.