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Date Written: February 17, 2005
Author: Mr. Pony
Average Vote: 4.4

02/25/2005 TheBuyer: Panel 8.
02/25/2005 The Rid: I'm glad I finally know what The Fyornch looks like, but panels 9-12 don't work for me. Seems a predictable conclusion, but I'm not sure what a different outcome would accomplish. For that matter, I'm not sure what other outcome would've worked. Maybe if he hooked them up to a car battery, shocked them to life and they ate Ava? Who knows. Feels like a three.
02/25/2005 Partytime: Entities like Fyornch are often condescended to and underestimated. It's clear that Fyornchie is more than capable of holding his own, and doing something with it too. Author, I applaud you for having the bravery to confront the unintellectual scooby doo monster stereotype with this lovable green sasquatch.
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow (3): Ava's last line sort of spoils this one for me.
02/25/2005 Dick Vomit (5): I'm not reading the comments. I don't care about Pony voting trends. I don't give a shit. This short went to the "place" I hoped it would go. Fiver.
02/25/2005 qualcomm (4): i thought the ending was sort of "leapt to" without sufficiently earning it. as a result, the fucking felt a bit (i hate to use the word) cheap, maybe easy. ana's reaction was a great break in tone, though.
02/25/2005 The Rid (3):
02/25/2005 qualcomm: ava
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: My problem with Ava's reaction is that it was a too-standard comic strip device -- last panel character looks away and makes a dry comment despite zaniness going on. Felt a little too Bloom County formulaic.
02/25/2005 Dick Vomit: All's I'm sayin' is a corpsey buttfuck really jumpstarted my otherwise scheisse Friday morning.
02/25/2005 qualcomm: snow, there was more to it than that. because before that last panel, she (and the rest of the strip) are all dickensian and twee. then suddenly you realize it's crappy old 2005.
02/25/2005 Dick Vomit: Last panel rulezz becuz it radically changes Fyornch. At first he's just a lump of simpleton gravy. "FI-AH BAAAD." Then you realize he's actually a sick fuck and a rascal.
02/25/2005 qualcomm: i didn't get that. i think he's still a lumpen retard; ava's just using her "coping tools" to make the situation less monstrous.
02/25/2005 Sergio (5): Fyornch is all pissed at Ava for panel 5. Condescending bitch. I also love the no-neck Fyornch.
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: Yeah, that's exactly what I found low-earth-orbital, although put a different way: last panel as matter of fact aside/tone shift.
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: that was in response to qc at 10:46.
02/25/2005 Klause Muppet (5):
02/25/2005 TheBuyer (5):
02/25/2005 John Slocum: look at the hollow, otherworldly ecstasy in dad's eyes as he receives the fyornch's green truncheon.
02/25/2005 Dick Vomit: Disagree with coping tool idea. I think they have a far more complex/sick relationship than the reader initially suspects. Lil girl brings her lumpen tardball to the gravesite and has to explain the concept of death? Not so. Also: dad's flopping jaw kicks ass.
02/25/2005 Dylan Danko (3):
02/25/2005 qualcomm: yeah, that is a sweet jaw
02/25/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (5): Ha, got a real fuck in the ass out of this one!
02/25/2005 qualcomm: hey snow, what's so bad about a low-earth orbit?
02/25/2005 John Slocum: And look at Mummy's dirty, stinky hot panty. I hope the fyornch gives it to her good and hard. She's totally asking for it.
02/25/2005 qualcomm: attention: i have more feelings than anyone on the site.
02/25/2005 Litcube (5): If one were to see this piece in more or less the same light as Qualcomm, I can't see how they’d offer more than 3. If one were to lean Dick's way, this is a possible five. I feel the joke here, is that Fyornch is revealed to the audience in the last panel (or so) that he's, all of the sudden, not some lumbering golem. This is evident here, because he's making intelligent jokes. Jokes are funny! I can hear school children giggling at the monster/Ava relationship dynamic, and at the silly (otherwise scary) monster being a silly pants! What a silly pants this monster is being by making jokes! He’s a Silly!

But at the same time I hear the light gurgle of a hall full of 6 year olds, Fyronch is pounding Ava’s dead father in the rectum.
02/25/2005 qualcomm: if your read on him is right, he's making intelligent jokes. that read is debatable, i think. the only evidence for it is ava's last line, which could be interpreted (see below) in at least two different ways.
02/25/2005 TheBuyer: No way, I've got more varieties of 'shame' in a single tear than any of you frozen meat puppets can even begin to comprehend and they all count individually.
02/25/2005 Dick Vomit: Except I'm right.
02/25/2005 Litcube: I wholeheartedly agree that it's very debatable.
02/25/2005 Litcube: @Buyer: WHAT!?
02/25/2005 qualcomm: i wonder what words would belch out of disney's mouth if these images entered his lifeless, muppety eyes and interacted with the matter in his skull.
02/25/2005 TheBuyer: just go about your business.
02/25/2005 John Slocum (4): We're all neglecting (or ignoring) panel 6. That's the crux of this whole thing (and really funny). Ava just got through a long winded and condescending diatribe about how mummy and daddy are dead as if she were talking to a child, a dumb fucking child. The Fyornch is not having it. He's like, 'god, what a bitch.' And he comes back at her with his own brand of condescension. He's like, 'hey dumbass, maybe they're not coming back because they're buried! I mean, they're old, maybe not strong enough to dig their way out. But I am, I'll dig them out. Look, look you condescending, mothering asswipe, I dug your fucking parents up, here they are. See? They ARE coming back, here they fucking are. This is the LAST time you talk to me like I'm a helpless child. I'll show you, you bitch, Imma fuck your goddamn dead fucking parents.
02/25/2005 qualcomm: anyone else turned on by the peek of pink panty we get in the second to last frame? anyone else think pony was inspired by the small strip of poon-swaddling fabric visible in the sexier of the two 50s swimsuit photos above his toilet?
02/25/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: Unfortunately, Slocum, panel four would seem to dash your thesis to shards.
02/25/2005 John Slocum: au contraire, my budding young sommelier. Or maybe not au contraire.
02/25/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: Yeah, panel 6 was the keystone. It's preceded by the wheels in the FYORNCH's brain slowly creaking, grinding, birthing a kernel of an idea that, nurtured by Ava's repetitive persistence in panel 5, finally springs to life: voila! Maybe it's because they buried!
02/25/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: it's --> it
02/25/2005 qualcomm: still, one has to wonder what words would belch out of disney's mouth if these images entered his lifeless, muppety eyes and interacted with the greasy matter in his skull (the very same matter responsible for the illusion of his sentience).
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: qc: um, it's not geosynchronous, try?
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: Big deal, everybody's skulls' contents is responsible for the illusion of their sentience. That's, like, what it means to be human: to seem so.
02/25/2005 qualcomm: no no no, you don't understand. disney has no consciousness (what a semantic niggler like you would call a "consciousness"). there's no inner life there, no self-awareness. just pure, muppety noncomprehension. an autopilot program designed to appear human.
02/25/2005 qualcomm: i'm saying, this is independent of your opinion about free will.
02/25/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: Well, that autopilot can sure cook a tasty goulash!
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: Yes, that's what we humans are: an autopilot program designed to appear human.
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: except "evolved" not "designed".
02/25/2005 qualcomm: and wanda is just a bundle of molecules designed to appear feline. she's not actually a cat: she only seems to be one.
02/25/2005 scoop (5):
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: evolved, not designed.
02/25/2005 anonymous: Disney's a replicant?
02/25/2005 qualcomm: no you idiot, replicants can develop their own emotional responses
02/25/2005 Ewan Snow: so can autopilot programs designed to appear human.
02/25/2005 anonymous: How do you feel, QC, if I tell you that a tortoise has flipped over onto its back and cannot get up? Well? What do you have to say for yourself?
02/25/2005 TheBuyer: Eliza: Can they?
02/25/2005 Eliza (): What does that suggest to you?
02/25/2005 qualcomm: ewan: not yet, they can't
02/25/2005 Jon Matza: This was 'roni, but I strongly agree w/Snow about Ava's final, Something About Maryish line. To me, the "blase reaction to the unspeakable" joke competes with (distracts from) the primary, "monster violating Mom & Dad's corpses" joke, which is so strong it demands its own moment in the spotlight. That's just my opinion, granted, but it is also inviolable fact. What I'm unclear on is whether it's important enough to deduct a star. Any thoughts are welcome...
02/25/2005 qualcomm: deduction question depends on whether you think it's a four or five without the error. i strongly disagree with your approval of the sodomy gag, though. it was predictable "acme transgression".
02/25/2005 Jon Matza: Are you sure you disagree? You don't seem sure. I detect doubt beneath your posture of certainty. But I'll answer as if you really were sure, just to humor you. I agree the necrophelia-incest-sodomy-bestiality thing is nothing new. In fact it instantly reminded me of Mr Tusky's violation at the end of Pony's first acme toon. But the picture itself was a lovely sight gag (or would have been without the Ava reaction shot, as per last comment). In short, I fear your paranoia & perpetual suspicion has robbed you of the ability to respond to shorts from a pure, natural, childlike perspective. I urge you to "let go" of the preconceived notions and prejudices that cloud your mind and make it impossible to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, e.g., trees, the air, the way sunlight shimmers off the ripples of a stream, butterflies, the musculature of a fifteen year old boy gymnast, &tc.)
02/25/2005 Jon Matza: "have"
02/25/2005 scoop: Etampersantra?
02/25/2005 Jon Matza: Just KIRing, brother.
02/26/2005 Phony Millions (5): I would like to not always five Pony's shorts but this is damn good. I loved the ending; didn't seem pedestrian at all in light of the subject matter - Fyornch is fucking her corpse-parents! Plus it's visually got some real beauty, this one - the monster himself, Ava, the snowy graveyard scene...
03/2/2005 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): "muppety non-comprehension" Ho, choice...
03/2/2005 qualcomm: matza: i just saw this latest response of yours. yeah, i don't want to respond to shorts from a childlike perspective; for as you yourself know so well, children are stupid and ignorant. i on the other hand know lots of stuff, stuff that helps me determine when this sucks, when that's a ripoff, etc. re the sight gag of the fyornch fucking the corpses, why should it "tickle me" any more than the sentence, "And then the Fyornch fucked the corpses." (were this a text short, that is)? i understand that pictures are worth a thousand words, but honestly, there's just nothing very surprising/original about the way the corpses are drawn here, nothing especially interesting about the doggy-style positioning, etc.
03/3/2005 Jon Matza: Hey! I just wrote a long response to this & it got erased.
03/4/2005 Mr. Pony: What did it say?
03/31/2005 Front (5): Non-surreal somehow. Did this all begin here by accident or are you following a grand pre-planned love story?
04/1/2005 Mr. Pony: Hi, Front! Ava started out as a victim of the FYORNCH's well-intentioned cruelty. Once I realized who she really was, everything fell into place.
01/22/2007 TheBuyer: