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After sucking the last of the post-coital urine back into his semi-hard penis, Trevor rested the toilet seat back down on the bowl. He surreptitiously wiped sticky sex juice from his pubis with one of Jennifer’s face towels.

He walked into the bedroom and inhaled an exasperated sigh as he sat down at the edge of Jennifer’s bed. Jennifer was wondering if Trevor would hang around as millions of sperm squiggled with futility in her pill-protected uterus. A lank of her hair hung over her right eye as she sat in silence, as her breasts shrunk and skin lost its color.

A wave of emptiness ascended from Trevor as he climbed onto Jennifer thrusting his cock with excessive force into her damp vagina in an attempt to mask the fact that he already ejaculated. The quiet in the room was broken with a cacophony of gasps and grunts and bedpost squeaks.

The sounds soon developed a rhythm as Trevor’s slowed heart rate and normal blood pressure begin to increase. Trevor’s feeling of relaxation, guilt and fatigue disappeared as electrical signals carrying information of hardwired pleasure raced from his brain to his cock. He could feel his balls ascend his scrotal sack and grow tighter than cured hide.

Trevor’s sphincter opened and closed, retracted and yawned, his carpopedel muscles begin to spasm uncontrollably. His breathing became fast and irregular as his semen raced into the urethral opening on the head of his penis, like milkshake up a straw, and collected in tiny pools in the bulb of his prostate. This was accompanied by a tingly sense of tension and a familiar euphoric exhilaration.

Blood receded from Jennifer’s nipples as they softened, as well as from her swollen clitoris. Her vaginal walls, drenched with lubricating fluid, slowly dried. The pubococygeal muscles around her labia softened, ending vasocongestion.

Trevor began to haphazardly dress Jennifer and she did the same to him. They kissed returning their saliva back to its rightful owner.

Trevor awkwardly muttered. “I do either.”

Jennifer whispered, “Date first the on this do don’t usually I.

Earlier that night…



Date Written: February 27, 2005
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 3.3571

03/7/2005 Klause Muppet (4): it liked i
03/7/2005 Shomer Shabbas (2): Didn't really do me for it.
03/7/2005 Ewan Snow: Good thing you corrected the typo ("Trevor him") in the third graf by repeating the entire graph. And you meant "neither" not "either", right? Also, just because "A wave of emptiness ascended from Trevor" is a backwards cliché, doesn't mean it's not a cliché, or does it?
03/7/2005 Will Disney: Shomer shabbas, dude!
03/7/2005 deliciousbrains (3): This short seems to rely more on gimmick than substance. Overall, average.
03/7/2005 qualcomm: snow, i think a backwards cliche is different than a cliche. it's a deliberate joke: not only is action moving backwards, so are hackneyed feelings. also, that "either" comment's real nitpicky. it's a character talking; it doesn't have to be grammatically correct. not saying i think this is that great. however, i am saying.
03/7/2005 Litcube (3):
03/7/2005 BOOTIEANDTHEHOFISH (3): Backwards is cute, but only until you walk into a wall dude.
03/7/2005 The Rid (3):
03/7/2005 TheBuyer (4): Benny Maniacs has good ideas.
03/7/2005 Ewan Snow: qc, that's why I said "or does it?" Not sure on that one, but am willing to agree. But do people say "either do I"? And if it's a deliberate mistake, then what was the author trying to tell us about Trevor's character by having him say it? It's not like it's a bit of dialect that fits neatly into the rest of his character, because he doesn't have any character, there's hardly any sense of what he's like. So just because it's dialogue, doesn't mean that characters can make arbitrary grammatical mistakes.
03/7/2005 anonymous: Snow, most regular people say either instead of neither even when either is correct.
03/7/2005 Jon Matza: Liked the premise & physiological jargon but found those errors distracting too, esp 'either'. Even though I admit it is both correct and common to say "either do I".
03/7/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Interesting concept.
03/7/2005 Phony Millions (5): For originality. Also, clinical yet sort of hot description of this unsex.
03/7/2005 Benny Maniacs (4): I agree with the buyer, in that I have good ideas. This too is a good idea, but could have been executed more sharply, like an executioner with a sharp blade or something.
03/7/2005 Benny Maniacs: Scoop doggy dog?
03/7/2005 Mr. Pony (3): Were we able to bet on afternoon shorts, I would have bet on TheBuyer-Dog. I thought this was a neat idea, but I feel the clinical description was wasted on this particular theme restaurant. I think the approach would have been just as funny (and by that, I guess I mean funnier) shown forward. 3.4
03/8/2005 John Slocum (3):
03/8/2005 Ewan Snow: Most regular people say "either do I"? Are you kidding? By "regular" do you mean retarded?
03/8/2005 njaa: I haven't heard anyone say it that way, and with respect to Jon Matza, 'either' is more often used with a negative verb (as in 'I don't either'); while 'neither' is traditionally used with a positive or affirmative verb (as in 'neither do I').
03/8/2005 Jon Matza: Hey, I thought this was Slocum. Re 'either do I': I'm afraid I was joking. Assumed author was as well.
03/8/2005 John Slocum: Yah, you thought this was Slocum?
03/8/2005 Dylan Danko: Matza, maybe you didn't understand the point of Njaa's lecture?
03/8/2005 Jon Matza: true, but either did Quacko.
03/8/2005 John Slocum: I've never used 'either' that way and have never heard anyone use 'either' that way. Are you guys (whoever you may be) sure this is a regular guy/gal usage of 'either'? Not just in your imagination?
03/8/2005 Mr. Pony: Who's Quacko?
03/8/2005 Dylan Danko: But Hoffmeister did.
03/8/2005 Ewan Snow (3): Either have I, Slocum. Not a bad idea to write a short about sex in ultra-anatomical detail, so-so idea to do it backwards, but overall poorly executed, tedious, not funny, and not insightful/interesting. High-concept short sucked dry by the writing. 2.51.
03/8/2005 Dylan Danko: But Hoffmeister did.
03/8/2005 Dylan Danko: what happened here?
03/9/2005 Mr. Pony: Second.
03/9/2005 John Slocum: dnoces.
03/22/2005 mr.coffee (3): dude i gotta give you only three. you got me nice and hard in the beginning, but then I went soft with that weak ass ending.