home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


How about I butcher your sac with a pack of domestic fighting cats? Yeah. How about I cram your face into the grill of an oncoming truck?
How about I plumb the depths of your rectum with an augur?
How about I yoink out your vertebrae one by one with the gnashing teeth of the chupacabra?
How about the next time you come to Brooklyn I glass you?
How about I drag a filet knife across that muppety neck and give you a real smile!!
How about !!!



One short per week tyrrany!
New cruelty!
Whoops! Demotions!!!
Now look!

Smoke pole, guy.

Date Written: April 07, 2005
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 3.8571

04/19/2005 Will Disney: Hey, buddy!
04/19/2005 The Rid: Sorry, Disney. I laughed. Hard.
04/19/2005 Dylan Danko: This is Vomit, right?
04/19/2005 John Slocum: anger management?
04/19/2005 anonymous: Tyranny?
04/19/2005 Dylan Danko: Rusty trombone?
04/19/2005 TheBuyer: The oobleck?
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: The New Cruelty.
04/19/2005 Turgid (4):
04/19/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs: What is the meaning of the verb "glass"? Is it like icing someone, or waxing them?
04/19/2005 Klause Muppet: Look out!
04/19/2005 TheBuyer: I think broken bottle/glass twisted into the face then punched.
04/19/2005 anonymous: Take your pint glass. Smash fellow in face/head. Glass.
04/19/2005 The Rid (4):
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: This is very fancy, author.
04/19/2005 John Slocum (3): solid 3. Enjoy some of the constructions, some of it is funny and I feel fond of the Vomitian bile-creativity (particularly enjoyed 'How about I butcher your sac with a pack of domestic fighting cats' (say it outloud like eminem raps) and 'the gnashing teeth of the chupacabra' (whatever that is).
04/19/2005 anonymous: Sloc, did you just THREE me? Whoa, bro. WHOA.
04/19/2005 John Slocum: I just think you can do better, Dick. Maybe you should organize your time with a view to getting your shorts in on time, Dick. This is embarrassing for all of us, don't make it worse, Dick. I'm concerned, Dick.
04/19/2005 Turgid: Chupacabra ripoff.
04/19/2005 anonymous: I'm not even gonna click on that link, guy. I knew about Chupe before you was born.
04/19/2005 anonymous: Sloc: yes. I mean, I wrote this last night, thinking, uh God! I got nothin! Whatever happened to quality not quantity?!
04/19/2005 Turgid: I wouldn't click that link either, guy. It'll send you into an abyss of shame and uncomfortable self-awareness with regard to your wrongdoing.
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, Turgid, I like that you're saying more things. The usual way you lurk in the rafters is kind of creepy.
04/19/2005 anonymous: Tour-heed, you are a big dummy.
04/19/2005 Turgid: Oh, I've got more to say, horse man.
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: You know I'm not actually a horse, right?
04/19/2005 Turgid: This is not you?
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: You know he's not a horse either, right?
04/19/2005 Turgid: ?!?
04/19/2005 TheBuyer (5): Promote Dick Vomit.
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: I disagree with these votes. I think this work makes you look very, very bad. I was not planning on voting on this, but everyone is voting on it. I understand that this is a placeholder that ran out of time. If you like, I will take that into account when voting on it.
04/19/2005 Klause Muppet (3): This made me giggle.
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: I am talking to YOU, author. Can you see the flames behind my head as I say this?
04/19/2005 Jon Matza (4): "How about the next time you come to Brooklyn I glass you?" disgorged an inadvertent childish snigger from my gullet.
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: yoink
04/19/2005 Turgid: Why is Disney often characterized as a muppet? Is someone pulling his strings? Or does he really resemble a muppet?
04/19/2005 Dylan Danko (4):
04/19/2005 TheBuyer: Turgid, from the message board, "muppety" defined.
re: disneyby qualcommPosted 2/21/2005 9:38:56 PM
cookie monsterish lack of appreciation for situation's gravity. small pupils floating noncomprehendingly in bulging, oversized whites.

04/19/2005 anonymous: Hey yeah pony you should definitely vote this down, man. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. Especially since you are not bound by the laws of New Cruelty. So vote down a short that was born out of the New Cruelty! YES!!!
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: You know I'm bound by the laws of the New Cruelty, right?
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: If I run out of credits, I get demoted.
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: In fact, I started out not being subject to the rules of the New Cruelty, but I eventually demanded that my exceptions be lifted. It was just the right thing to do.
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: Funny story, actually.
04/19/2005 TheBuyer: No dude, it's not. You killed my dad.
04/20/2005 John Slocum: I owe you a star for this one, Vomit. Great Vomit personality coming through here in places.
04/20/2005 Dick Vomit: This short is shit!
04/26/2005 Dick Vomit (5): FUCK!!!!
04/26/2005 Turgid: Hey - settle down.
04/26/2005 Dick Vomit: Sorry, guy.
04/26/2005 Turgid: No problem.