home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


My name is Chester. I fight babies to the death. I hurt the babies. I would be upset if I lose one fight against a baby, also I would be dead. I break their bones. It is a fight, this is what happens. They are weak babies. I am much stronger than a baby. They are not dangerous one at a time, not even in groups. Ever since I was a baby I would fight babies for purses and prizes; I would fight them. My name is Chester please, yes. My number is special, it is toll free. You do not have to pay money to call me. Chester will fight your baby for you, please call.

Date Written: April 08, 2005
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 3.9167

04/19/2005 The Rid: And my name is "What the fuck?"
04/19/2005 qualcomm (4): solid three, much better than yesterday's 2.5. "I would be upset if I lost one fight..." you speak the fucking english language?
04/19/2005 qualcomm: oops. lerpa's rusty. you owe me a star.
04/19/2005 Will Disney: I don't think Chester is a native English speaker, Chester. At least, he doesn't appear to have had a traditional upper middle class education.
04/19/2005 John Slocum (3): what's lerpa's?
04/19/2005 Dick Vomit: its lerpa is
04/19/2005 Mr. Pony: it's it is lerpa is
04/19/2005 Klause Muppet (4): Read it as if you were Antonio Banderas with brain damage.
04/19/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Here's a toll free four for ya.
04/19/2005 The Rid (3): Funny idea. Falls flat.
04/19/2005 anonymous: No it didn't. I will fight you.
04/19/2005 TheBuyer: *doesn't* you mean.
04/19/2005 anonymous: Doesn't. I will fight you too.
04/19/2005 John Slocum: I think Slocum writes this.
04/19/2005 Mr. Joshua (5): Nice work, Slocum.
04/19/2005 John Slocum: Thanks, Mr. J! You're tops!
04/19/2005 Mr. Joshua: It's a travesty that are you ranked a modest 6th in the author standings. I don't know what these jerks are thinking when they vote.
04/19/2005 Jon Matza: I got two mallo-mint laughs out of this: "I would be upset if I lose one fight against a baby, also I would be dead" and "for purses and prizes". Also enjoyed insistent repetition of "I fight babies". Easy four, am considering a five...
04/19/2005 Jon Matza: Just saw Lerpa's comment. I assumed "lose" was a joke (intentionally awkward phrase intended to reflect on speaker's moronicity).
04/19/2005 John Slocum: Thanks for your kind words, Mr. Joshua. I haven't been able to really focus on my short writing and am probably about where I should be. I appreciate your support through this dark time.
04/19/2005 Mr. Joshua: Give it a fiver, Z-Dog. Show that misanthrope QC that the BM cannot, and will not, be intimidated. Slocum: You're a good man. I've said it before and I'm not afraid to say it now. Your freeness with the libations, the magnaminity you show to Pfineous and the decency and forbearance with which you treat your fellow man offer firm testimony to the strength of your character.
04/19/2005 Jon Matza (5): OK, but my uvula tells me this is Snow.
04/19/2005 Dylan Danko (4):
04/19/2005 John Slocum: This could be ANYONE! OH MY GOD THIS IS SO EXCITING. Also, not for nuthin' (one of my favorite expressions!), I believe now that I lowballed this one. It has grows on me, this short, yes. I like the short. It makes me funny laugh now. Many thanks to Chester.
04/20/2005 John Slocum: An extra star to the Buyer sometime!
04/20/2005 TheBuyer: [small bow] Hthank'ya.
04/20/2005 Litcube (4):
04/20/2005 Jon Matza: Nice one, th'buyer. My only request is, end it after "I would fight them" next time.
04/20/2005 TheBuyer: Thanks and noted.
04/20/2005 Mr. Pony (4): This one does grow on you. Me, anyway.
04/21/2005 Ewan Snow (3): Funny and unfunny mixed in even portions. 3+.
04/21/2005 Benny Maniacs (4): This one is good but I thought it was mediocre while reading it. Does this help, author? No. Probably not.
04/22/2005 TheBuyer: It helps, sure. You're helpful. Everyone in Canada thinks you're swell. One of my friends thinks you have a learning disability or closed-head brain injury and that the other NY authors try to insulate you and protect you from harshness but I don't buy it. I think you *don't* have some kind of head thingy, and that wise vote of four and useful comment proves it. Glad to have you back B.M!