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I've got a number of facts at the ready. Statistics designed to make otherwise disinterested women perspire with passion; their labias swelling in the primal heat of ladies thirsting for a man with knowlege. That man is me. My name's Lucifer. Take for instance the fact that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Trident. You may think that this neat little stat was concocted in a board room by Madison Avenue suits wearing too much brill cream and you'd be right. What you don't know is the role I played in its birth. That's neither here nor there. When I tell ladies that statistically their teeth will be whiter, healthier and perfectly aligned they instinctively go for my thingamajig, my thingy...whatever. But when I tell them that statistically the tighter the shirt and, by extension, the bigger the titties, the greater the chance of attracting an appropriate mate, well...out come those titties! "Suckle, Lucifer," they say. "Drink of my earth bound purity." And when I tell them that 4 out of 5 women will contract cancer of the cervix - I think that's what it's called - and 3 out of those 4 will die painfully, they take to the pole with a desperation I've only seen in victims of the Holocaust. Jewish victims of course. Not the gay ones or the gypsy ones. But that too is neither here nor there.

Date Written: April 12, 2005
Author: Dylan Danko
Average Vote:

04/12/2005 Jon Matza (1):
04/12/2005 Pix (4):
04/12/2005 TheBuyer (4):
04/12/2005 Jon Matza: Sound all the way through.
04/12/2005 Litcube (3):
04/12/2005 Will Disney (4):
04/12/2005 Ewan Snow (4):
04/12/2005 Will Disney: Buyer?
04/12/2005 Mr. Pony (6):
04/12/2005 Jon Matza: This fellow's train of thought has a hydroponically pure organic flow.
04/12/2005 Klause Muppet (3):
04/12/2005 Jon Matza: Danko?! Fine work.
04/12/2005 Dylan Danko: Thanks, Matza. I'm just glad I finally remembered to show up to one of these.