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Ewan's face was bronzed from the Turkish sun. His hair smelled of sea salt from many days out on the water. He was tied with sailor's twine, rather uncomfortably, to the mast of the boat that he and his new bride Jimson had rented. The boat was named The Eternity.

There were some brutish-look men standing around the pole that Ewan was tied to. "Siz alan sevimli," one of them growled to him.

"Uh, what did he say, honey?" Ewan called out to Jimson, who was lying belly-down on the boat's sundeck, sipping a cocktail. She flipped through her English-Turkish phrase book. "Oh, he said that you're pretty!" she answered.

"Great," said Ewan. He felt a hand being placed on his shoulder from behind. "Uh, sweetheart, are you sure this is really a Turkish tradition?"

Jimson held up her phrase book, open to the 'Local Customs' section, so that Ewan could see it. "You see, sweetie," she said, "it says right here. It's customary in Turkey for newly married men to be raped by pirates. It's the tradition here."

"Really?" he asked. He could feel someone's breath on the back of his neck.

"Yes, honey," Jimson said. "Come on - it'll be fun."

"Oh well, " Ewan said. "When in Rome, I suppose." He closed his eyes and held on tightly to the pole.

"Yut hazir," someone whispered into his ear.

"That means 'Get ready'," Jimson called out helpfully.

Date Written: July 03, 2002
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4.1667

07/3/2002 anonymous (5):
07/3/2002 anonymous (3):
02/23/2004 Mr. Pony (5): I never forgot this one, but I forgot how it started, so I could never find it! Now that I've found it, I'm here to vote on it! Here's my vote!
02/23/2004 scoop (5): Pony's right. This is great. Especially the end. It feels like somewhere out in the azure sea someone named Ewan is still suffering in a Turkish paradise. And the best part is you could slip in any old names and it would still be really funny.
06/7/2004 qualcomm (2): hmm, i like this ok, but i'm getting revenge for disney's revenge votes
03/14/2005 The Rid: I'm giving this a five in retaliation for that two.
03/14/2005 qualcomm: in all fairness, and for the sake of posterity, i actually think this kind of sucks.
03/14/2005 Dylan Danko (5): My god, QC, you really are something.
03/14/2005 qualcomm: what do you mean?
03/15/2005 The Rid (5): Forgot to effing vote.