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The man cockroach was fucking the lady cockroach. “Give me a thousand fucking babies” he screamed as he began to feel the grand finale welling up inside him. “Unhh, unhhh!” said the lady cockroach. They were into asphyxiation sex, these cockroaches. He had a small measure of dental floss around her neck. Just as he was finishing, he pulled on the floss too hard and her head popped off. “Ah, crap”, he said. Luckily for him, her eggs had already been fertilized. In this circumstance, they would just hatch inside of her and eat their way out. He picked up her head and gave her one last kiss. He had really loved that crazy fucking broad. And at least she would live on in those thousand fucking kids that would eat their way out of her. And what was he supposed to do about it now anyway? And what’s your problem exactly?

Date Written: April 24, 2005
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4.6

04/29/2005 The Rid: Wow! Sounds like this cockroach knows his priorities!
04/29/2005 Will Disney (4): This is a fine send-off in advance of Guest Month!
04/29/2005 qualcomm (4): 4.49
04/29/2005 qualcomm: kind of weird to have asphyxiation sex while you're trying for babies, isn't it? did any of the child-having members of our site have kinky sex for conception?
04/29/2005 Mr. Pony (5): 4.5
04/29/2005 Ewan Snow (4): qualcomm: no comment
04/29/2005 The Rid (5):
04/29/2005 qualcomm: "Ah, crap" -- it's what the cockroach says when he decapitates his wife, and what acmeshorts says when it experiences error. interesting...
04/29/2005 anonymous: Are you accusing me of copying Disney? It was subconscious, I assure you.
04/29/2005 TheBuyer: Is it because you *love* him?
04/29/2005 TheBuyer (5): Either way, shyboy.
04/29/2005 Jawbreaker (5): This was Great!
04/29/2005 Front (5): generously laughed out loud.
04/29/2005 Jon Matza (4): This one is so egg sac
04/29/2005 scoop (5):
04/29/2005 Klause Muppet (5): Last line killed me!
04/29/2005 Dick Vomit: This is an entertaining short. However, I think you are all suffering from a post-Acme drought, pre-Guest Month mania with all these 5's. No offense, author.
04/29/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): It was sobering, in a Darwinian sense. For once our offspring are able to fend for themselves, what use are we?
04/29/2005 John Slocum: I'm with you, DV. I feel this is very good but being rated way higher than it should be. Not that I'm not happy for the author. DV makes a lot of sense.
04/29/2005 TheBuyer: It's not a three star short, so 4's and 5's so what?
04/29/2005 Dick Vomit: An excess of 5's, one might argue.
04/29/2005 TheBuyer: Or lack of tasty apple fritter half-stars.
04/29/2005 John Slocum: What DV said.
04/29/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum (4):
04/29/2005 Mr. Pony: Dick, Slocum, perhaps you should spend less time thinking about what final cumulative rating you think the short deserves, and more time thinking about how this work affects you, both as writers, and as men. I myself like very much the fact that the narrator is drunk.
04/30/2005 Dylan Danko (5): Had me and held me all the way through.
04/30/2005 John Slocum (4): This affects me in a good, solid 4-star way.
04/30/2005 cuntry (5): 4.5 because the last line doesn't work for me. it rolled until there and then jarred me in a confusing way. lovely use of dental floss. and many other things good.
05/2/2005 Dylan Danko: i think it's the use of 'measure' that does it for me.
06/1/2005 Jon Matza: Disney: I'd've given you a 4.5 if they'd existed back in those days.