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"If God really exists as described in the Bible, why doesn't He just prove it?" Pausing to sneak a glance at Yesica Antonieta, the callipygous Argentinean exchange student in row two, Professor Glansmear was startled to find the slinky Latina staring at him intently, her dark eyes rotten, smoldering pools of sex. Slowly, deliberately, she licked her lips at him with unmistakably filthy intent, making his beefy porkus balloon with blood. Her sinuous legs were splayed out at an obscene angle, and Glansmear had a sudden flash of intuition: she was stealthily fingering herself under the tight tweed skirt that cinched her robust thighs. Yesica winked at him and snapped her gum. With formidable effort, Glansmear cleared his throat and continued.

"Theologians have argued for centuries about the question of, uh, the question of..." His voiced tailed off. The sight of the girl (head now tilted further back, eyes slits of pleasure and abandonment) was profoundly confusing him. Perplexed, the class followed their prof's gaze. An uneasy shifting in seats and murmuring ensued as some of the brighter students began putting two and two together...

"I warned you, Ms. Antonieta--no creaming in class!"

Glansmear and his students jerked to attention guiltily as Vice Principal Jesticles grimly strode into 6A. His appearance and demeanor recalled that of an 18th century hellfire-and-brimstone preacher, and his nostrils were dangerously a-flare. Ms. Antonieta blithely ignored him, however.

Jesticles knew just how to deal with these situations. Marching across the room, he seized the girl's skirt with his prosthetic arm and, with a flourish like a magician's, brusquely flung it above her waist. A collective gasp arose. Under the silvery panties circumscribing the young lady's taut midriff her fingers were plainly visible; what's more, they were lasciviously caressing her supple cunt-petals.

If Jesticles had banked on shaming his adversary, however, he'd fatally underestimated the authority of the olive-skinned masturbatrix' erotic dominion. Indeed, public exposure of the young coed's velvety thigh, hip, vag and ass expanses only appeared to further fan the flames of her nether-cravings. Accordingly, she sprang forwards from her seat, adroitly landing on all fours and knocking Jesticles' plastic arm clean out of its socket. Sticking her rump into the air and emitting mewling noises like a cat in heat, Yesica seized the limb and slid it under the sodden fabric wedged between her plump thighs. Her tits jiggled like flan as she panted and gyrated frantically against the arm. Seconds later she began to cream ferociously, the first in a seemingly endless series of orgasms that made her buck and writhe across the classroom floor like a snarling, rabid marionette.

Jesticles watched in alarmed disbelief. The episode was certain to leave egg on his face come next faculty meeting; even so, on account of the spectacle his own respectable cock-portion had ossified and was turtle-heading from his trousers. Around 6A, the girls' red and blotchy faces conveyed shame, envy and arousal; a few fragile types were even sobbing. The boys, meanwhile, were bug-eyed, flushed and squirming in their seats; in vain, they tried to shield themselves with their textbooks as Glansmear and Jesticles walked around caning their (and each other's) erect penises. Strangely, this only seemed to act as a further catalyst on Yesica, who proceeded to undertake still more comprehensive auto-digital explorations of womanhood's most fragrant meadow...

Date Written: May 22, 2005
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 4.13636

06/2/2005 John Slocum: Just so the author knows, my first instinct is to give this a clean, cold fiver. I'm going to sleep on it and just make sure. No need to be hasty. This is not my last chance to vote or anything.
06/2/2005 Kenji X: Respectable cock portion.
06/2/2005 Will Disney:
06/2/2005 Will Disney: a tour de force. thank you!
06/2/2005 Dylan Danko (5): Absolutely first rate. The use of callipygous leads me to believe that this is the work of a Brookline monolithite. 5 supple cunt petals.
06/2/2005 scoop (3): Significantly less than the sum of its parts.
06/2/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Marveled at this piece's old-school vanity. Bothered (only slightly) by the co-existence of, in the same paragraph, the phrases "...the authority of the olive-skinned masturbatrix' erotic dominion" and "...like a cat in heat". Agree with scoop somewhat; but I think this is slightly more equal to the sum of its parts, and I might like some of the parts slightly better, which could at least partially explain this 4.
06/2/2005 John Slocum: Still a great read in the clear light of day. Still inclined to rub out a five spot on this one. I'm all about not voting quickly these days. It's my new thing. It's new.
06/2/2005 qualcomm (4): agree with pony. author, you shoulda made this cum full circle with the whole "existence of god" thing, maybe. also Professor Glansmear is a ripoff (unintentional, i'm sure) of snow's Dr. Glansmoore. disney, can we get quarter points already? this is ridiculous.
06/2/2005 John Slocum: Hey, auther, does 'jesticles' rhyme with testicles or antifreeze? Is glansmear a name made by removing the 'd' from 'gland' and smashing it with 'smear'?
06/2/2005 qualcomm: glans, you fucking moron. it's oversights like this that should make you reconsider ever voting before consulting me.
06/2/2005 John Slocum: God, that's hot.
06/2/2005 qualcomm: and i thought you were all sciencey
06/2/2005 John Slocum: So is 'Glansmear' formed by smashing 'glans' and 'smear' together for scatological hilarity (cum or quim), or is it a smashing of 'glans' and 'meer,' an alternative spelling of the Dutch word for lake, indicating "collective subconscious of penis and clit heads," which the professor represents?
06/2/2005 John Slocum (5):
06/2/2005 Klause Muppet: Do you mean "vadge" or even "vaaj", Author?
06/2/2005 Will Disney: Do we want quarter points?
06/2/2005 TheBuyer: That's totally outdated, go metric, tenths.
06/2/2005 The Rid (5): Above reproach.
06/2/2005 TheBuyer (4.5):
06/2/2005 Jawbreaker (4.5): Nice.
06/2/2005 Benny Maniacs (4): "Jesticles watched in disarmed belief"
06/2/2005 Benny Maniacs: "The episode was certain to leave cum on his face at the next faculty meeting"
06/3/2005 Litcube (4.5): I'm standing somewhere between Scoop and Pony regarding the value of this short when considering the "sum of it's parts". On the writing alone, most notably the various high fidelity descriptions of the "masturbatrix" ("masturbatrix" is fucking osim), this warrants a 5.

However, I'll employ Matza Methodology here, and cautiously submit that because I know this particular awethir's capacity in this area has already been demonstrated in the past with great proficiency, I don't feel that he’s wrapped these sweet morsels together as well as he probably could have; it doesn't make the awesomest sandwich, even though we're using the choicest of deli goods.

Paragraph number three is 7-hit combo.
06/3/2005 TheBuyer: Litcube makes an interesting point here. In general as well.
Litcube, you are a useful guest. If I give you a bumpersticker bought from the Acmelustre store will you post a short?
06/3/2005 qualcomm: litcube's a jerk. i fucked kids like that in the joint.
06/3/2005 Louise Fletcher: Rest, child.
06/6/2005 John Slocum: So...does 'jesticles' rhyme with testicles or antifreeze?
06/6/2005 Le Pinson: Zhestique.
06/6/2005 Jon Matza: Sloc: As I 'heard' it, the former. But now that you mention it 'Jess-tick-lee's' has a lumbar ring to it.
04/14/2009 scoop: A most righteous use of italics capping graf five. I undervalued this one I fear. My apologies, Matza dog. One of the many regrets, not unlike my children, that I am going to be stuck with for the rest of my mother fucking life.
04/28/2009 Mylittlepony (2): why use such big words, it makes it hard to read?