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"Rub me there again, Aunty," said Self-Inflicted Jones, a consummate dilettante in the tradition of Hobarth and Seneca.

Aunt Gretchel was shaped to please. A cross between Self-Inflicted's mother and a supermodel, she seemed created specifically to fan his Oedipal needs.

"How long do you plan to live in my attic?," she asked, purring.

"Until the thought of you makes me sick, Aunty."

"You're so deep."

"Damn straight, sister. Faster."

Date Written: December 30, 1899
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.25

05/17/2004 TheBuyer: this is very strange. i shall have to consult the oracle. remind me; I'm constantly leaving my oracle at friends' houses and I can't find the bloody thing...
09/26/2004 scoop: I might miss the tournament. I'm busy fanning my needs.
01/27/2005 TheBuyer (5): damn straight, indeed.
01/27/2005 Mr. Pony (4): Hey, that's a really implausible name.
01/27/2005 John Slocum: I don't like this one.
01/27/2005 The Rid: An odd thing, this short. I don't like its structure at all but I like the idea and the dialogue very much. Don't know whether to three or four.
01/27/2005 TheBuyer: going back in history to put a three on a short may be considered dishonourable.
01/27/2005 The Rid: Buyer: You make a good point.
01/27/2005 The Rid (4):
01/27/2005 Mr. Pony: Really, dudes, you should vote what you honestly think the thing deserves. What good are votes, otherwise?
01/27/2005 TheBuyer: Yes of course, but with really old material I think the Gentleman wouldn't bother rating something at all if it wasn't a four or five.
01/27/2005 qualcomm: very old shorts (VOS's) like this one were created before the voting system.
01/27/2005 Mr. Negative: On record: I would have foured this even without Buyer's input.
01/27/2005 Mr. Negative (4):
01/27/2005 The Rid: Me, too.
01/28/2005 Jon Matza: Bollocks. It's fair jinkins to vote as low as necessary on an historic short if it comes up "naturally" -- i.e., is an author's choice or if someone links to it to prove a point in a current discussion. What persons of 'subst' frown on are johnny-come-latelies who randomly (or spitefully) start rootling through old shorts and lowballing them.
01/28/2005 TheBuyer: Yes! Thank you for rounding up my grunty, partial sentiment.