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"Hi, my name is Susie and my best friend Amy is my girlfriend." "Okay, Susie, so you have a girlfriend, big deal. Every chick on the block is experimenting nowadays. Playing for the other team, eh? Switch hitter, eh? Cleaning the carpet, hmmm? Waxing the beach. So what's so special about your girlfriend?" "Well, she plays with me." "Right, she diddles your Skittle, she gets your rocks off, she puts the cream in your creampie, she strokes your kitty, she lets the cat out of the bag. Tell me, cutie, do you love her long time?" "Yeah, I do love her for a long time. Since we were little." "Oh, well now, this is turning me on something fierce. I'm pitching a tent here, I'm sporting wood, carving a totem pole, I've got ants in my pants, I'm rising to the occasion. So, wanna tell our listeners just what you two kids do together?" "Okay. We play dolls and then we play tea party." "... What?" "Susie, dinner's ready." "Who the hell is that? What the?" "Susie, are you on the phone? who are you talking to, grandma?" "I'm talking to the funny radio man." "Well tell the funny radio man you have to eat before your bath. Say good bye." "Good bye funny radio man." "Commercial, goddamnit, cut to commercial. Jesus I need a towel and a psychiatrist."

Date Written: June 13, 2005
Author: Kenji X
Average Vote: 2.5

Comments:
06/17/2005 Klause Muppet: things that make you go hmmmmmmm
06/17/2005 Will Disney: Welcome to AcmeShorts, first time Guest Author!
06/17/2005 The Rid (1): Bad. Forget that it's a stupid excuse to euphemize sex acts, but the DJ can't tell it's a little kid on the phone? A guy who listens to voices for a living can't tell it's a kid and not an adult? Sure. Plus .5 for a first timer.
06/17/2005 Mr. Positive: Oh, The Rid, it's not that bad!
06/17/2005 Kenji X: It could be. Having written the next one, I'm quite disappointed with this. All apologies for crap.
06/17/2005 Jawbreaker (2.5): I think it was a good first effort. But I do agree with Rid's earlier comments.
06/17/2005 The Rid: Yes, Mr. Positive, it's really that bad.
06/17/2005 The Rid: Jawbreaker, you overvoted.
06/17/2005 Yahzick (4): The execution's a bit over the top. Maybe try being really clever in moderation next time? However, since I hate Tom Lycus and other shock-jocks and this short made them look retarded, I liked it. Plus, Rid assholed all over it so I'm giving it 4 stars.
06/17/2005 The Rid: Yahzick, you moron, the point of this short is not to make fun of shock jocks but to say things like "Waxing the beach." Your vote makes you look retarded, you dumb fuck.
06/17/2005 Li'l Summer Sausage: Yeah! Heeeenh! FU!
06/17/2005 Klause Muppet: Hi Author! Welcome to the best place on earth: The Guest Page! Let me know if you have any questions or if I can show you around. I have not been around as long as The Rid or Litcube, but they can come across as a little stand-offish. Not me, though. I'm your friend, New Guest Author. So... this short of yours.... Thanks for submitting it.
06/17/2005 Kenji X: Okay, I've stopped crying enough to type now. Rid makes an excellent point, one who listens to voices over the phone and on the air for a living should be able to discern a child from an adult or a hot barely legal teenager. However, I having worked as a DJ for a few years in college would often find that a sweet and sensuous voice was frequently attached to a body and face from the opposite side of the spectrum. Indeed I was attempting to shine a light on the grubby titilations of the lowbrow material of shockjocks as well as clarifying the boundary between flirtatious educational dialogue about sex and dirtfuckporn. I thank everyone for reading and anticipate all comments.
06/17/2005 Kenji X: Okay, I've stopped crying enough to type now. Rid makes an excellent point, one who listens to voices over the phone and on the air for a living should be able to discern a child from an adult or a hot barely legal teenager. However, I having worked as a DJ for a few years in college would often find that a sweet and sensuous voice was frequently attached to a body and face from the opposite side of the spectrum. Indeed I was attempting to shine a light on the grubby titilations of the lowbrow material of shockjocks as well as clarifying the boundary between flirtatious educational dialogue about sex and dirtfuckporn. I thank everyone for reading and anticipate all comments.
06/17/2005 Kenji X: Okay, I've stopped crying enough to type now. Rid makes an excellent point, one who listens to voices over the phone and on the air for a living should be able to discern a child from an adult or a hot barely legal teenager. However, I having worked as a DJ for a few years in college would often find that a sweet and sensuous voice was frequently attached to a body and face from the opposite side of the spectrum. Indeed I was attempting to shine a light on the grubby titilations of the lowbrow material of shockjocks as well as clarifying the boundary between flirtatious educational dialogue about sex and dirtfuckporn. I thank everyone for reading and anticipate all comments.
06/17/2005 Litcube: So, what are you saying?
06/17/2005 Kenji X: Okay...
06/17/2005 TheBuyer: Author, for the most part The Rid can be safely ignored but in this case he's right, this is pretty poopy. If Jon Matza has taught me anything, it's the value of having a huge heart and I will therefore withold my ugly, low vote on this short and look forward to your next, better effort. Also, I will look forward to Yahzick's response after he's got a couple drinks in him.
06/18/2005 Yahzick: Sorry to let you down, TheBuyer. I was gonna get drunk and then post a really angry reply to TheRid's latest bout with diarrhea but I got too drunk to type so I couldn't. I figured I'd just let the little mutant get all angry and belligerent on his own. Y'know, see how that pans out.
06/18/2005 Klause Muppet: Are you guys brothers?
06/18/2005 Yahzick: Who, The Rid and TheBuyer? It's possible. Maybe they're like the Chinese, where their family name comes first. Theirs' being "The."
06/18/2005 Klause Muppet: oh.
06/19/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, that's not a bad start, Kenji X. I think the idea was good, but this goes on a little long for what it is. I would have liked this more if it had been a bit more surgical--in and out of there faster; and more decisively. Like my ex-husband!
06/19/2005 Kenji X: You just gave me the subject for my next unwritten short. Thank you Pony. Thanks for all the comments, everyone, they inspire me to do better. The next one is long, though I hope worth the read. Should post Tuesday.
06/20/2005 Litcube: Hey, Rid. It's Litcube. How ya doin?

It's sunny in Vancouver, and I'm going to hangout at the pool after work!

So anyway, I just read this whole thread here, and I was wondering if you see anything interesting with regards to your response to Yahzick's vote/comment.
06/21/2005 Klause Muppet: How was the pool?
06/21/2005 Litcube: I didn't go.
06/21/2005 Klause Muppet: oh. how come The Rid didn't respond to your comment?