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The gruff, cigar-chomping private dick straddled the leaking corpse on the fifth floor of the flophouse. The apartment was in disarray, like an F5 tornado had taken up residence intent on making the Weather Channel’s Storm Stories highlight reel. Buffing his gun to a shine, like he was lovingly stroking a platinum penis that ejaculates Kevlar-jacketed anti-sperm, the private dick coughed and spoke. “The stiff is none other than Patty O’Leary, renowned drag queen and back alley cocksucker, age: 60; occupation: man whore. Looks like heart attack to me,” he droned, like a gravel conveyor belt ushering boulders to the pebblemaker. “Sixty?” his green partner cried, like a gymnast whose unitard bunches in all the wrong holes, “This guy looks no older than 25 – 30 at the oldest.” The grizzled veteran took a long drag on his stogie, like drawing every last drop of man-juice from a Cuban-rolled leaf cock. He exhaled like an industrial zone chimney belching cancer blemishes onto the skin of the world. “Check his hair, dyed black so no one can see the gray. Just For Men doesn’t make a pube-color packet to match the carpet to the drapes, I've checked. You can confirm by checking the front part of his freshly stained shorts.” The apprentice peeked into the body’s drawers, stunned by the sight of graying, woven natty forest of Brillo fingers. “Also, this downtown bitch has had the botox – you can still see the needle tracks by the cauliflower ears. “Plus, this vain tramp been harvesting little boys’ organs to stay young,” the ragged dick said with a sigh, deftly screwing the silencer end onto his pistol like twisting lovers in a bungee-suspended sex swing. “But how do you know all this just by looking at him?” the kid asked incredulously. “Because I live here with this queen and shewas late with the rent so I killed the bitch,” he said pumping two shots into the kid’s gray matter like ah whatever, make up your own shit here.

Date Written: June 18, 2005
Author: Kenji X
Average Vote: 3.6

06/27/2005 The Rid: Starts well. Ends not so well.
06/27/2005 TheBuyer (3.5): All the penisimile got a heavy smirk outta me.
06/27/2005 The Rid (3):
06/27/2005 Will Disney (4.5):
06/27/2005 Klause Muppet: author... What was the artisitc reason for ending with "make up your own shit here"?
06/27/2005 TheBuyer: Seems to me that's the last thing we have to do in "Private Dick Simile Training" is make our own shit up here like a freshly shaved penis shaft lying profusely to gain access to an uncooperative asshole.
06/27/2005 Klause Muppet: author, disregard last comment.
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony (3.5):
06/27/2005 Klause Muppet (3.5):
06/27/2005 Kenji X: I really wanted to explore the 'choose your own adventure' aspect of the story, which I feel has been laregly missing from the site, much like the black sucking emptiness where my soul should be.
06/27/2005 Klause Muppet: Do you want a hug?
06/28/2005 Kenji X: A full man-on-man with groin contact one, yes, please.