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Date Written: June 26, 2005
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote:
Comments:
06/27/2005 Klause Muppet: What are you really trying to say?
06/27/2005 anonymous: Aweuteihr: Seems like you merely "drew" a bunch of baseball panels, added cocks, then threw in some homo text lifted from Wikipedia with mediocre effects.
06/27/2005 The Rid: Seems underdone.
06/27/2005 scoop: These drawrings fill me with what I can only describe as an intense case of emotional Quinsy.
06/27/2005 TheBuyer: If the batter is getting a handjob at the plate, how many balls does he get before he takes his base?
06/27/2005 Will Disney: Wikipedia, huh?
06/27/2005 Will Disney: Or should I say, Wikipedia, huh?
06/27/2005 Klause Muppet: Thanks From Author, I didn't catch the "cocks" on my fist look. Even though the short says you can't pigeon hole sexuality, are you suggesting that all baseball players are fags???
06/27/2005 anonymous: I wouldn't go that far...some of them are merely bi-curious.
06/27/2005 TheBuyer: Sure, just look at their equipment list - bats, balls, underwear with a big, hard cock piece and no ass, what besides football is gayer?
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: Author, I believe that your final, Retardo-Nintendo-looking panel of the Pitcher kissing the tip of his own wiener is one of the finest images I've ever seen you create, no joke--reminiscent of Kara Walker's early work, with an iconic naivete rivaling Basquiat, and yet completely, unapologetically original. Ridiculous art criticism aside, when I say "no joke", I actually mean it. That picture is awesome. (I'm having a harder time figuring out what you're trying to get at with this damn short, though!)
06/27/2005 scoop: Whatare you insane Pony? Nothing that filthy media slut Basquiat did was "naive."
06/27/2005 qualcomm: and how dare you call kara walker's work "early?" you racist!
06/27/2005 qualcomm: no, seriously, great last panel, author.so artfully naive. i mean, we all know that you easily could have made a photorealistic drawing, but your decision to use a less representational style here was brilliant!
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: scoop, your dislike for all art forms aside, you must realize that a) Matza and I understand that any naiveté in Basquiat's work is, while effective, completely practiced, and b) Matza and I find your opportunistic attempt to hawk your poorly selling book "Basquiat: Jerk" completely disgusting.
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: qualcomm, are you suggesting that Matza didn't intend for that image to be awesome?
06/27/2005 qualcomm: i'm not sure what he intended. but something about your praise seemed on par with congratulating your son for the fecal rorschach in his huggies.
06/27/2005 Litcube: Ahah!
06/27/2005 Litcube: I'm not sure that this is Matza's best. Will comment later.
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: I should have left out the art noise from my comment. I actually thought Matza (and some of the rest of you jerks) might enjoy Kara Walker. I really do like that picture Matza made. I mentioned Basquiat just to piss scoop off. He's real sensitive about his book.
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: 
06/27/2005 Universal Mean: I look forward to exceeding your expectations.
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: What?
06/27/2005 Bugs Meany: Scram, four-eyes.
06/27/2005 anonymous: Don't let yourself be riled by the taunts of these Jews, Pony. As you'll remember from the Old Testament, they rejected the supposedly false icon of the golden calf and "heard" the word of God. They proceeded to construct an ideology and value system based around the embrace of the ear (i.e., language) and rejection of the eye (i.e., the hieroglyphs of their Egyptian taskmasters). It follows, then, that Semites such as qc and scoop lack the ability to grasp the subtleties and complexities of visual art forms such as those displayed in, for example, the Ava and the Fyornch cycle, the cubist 'It's a Pants' series and the above lithograph-painting. In short, our detractors feel instinctively hostile to the visual arts. Our craft, after all, poses a threat to the omnipotence of their word-based deity (the pictorial representation of whom, you'll note, is forbidden by Jewish law). But before condemning them I would ask you to remember one thing: they are untrained in something which, thanks to art school, has long been second nature to the likes of us--perspective.
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: I realize that this is off-topic, but Huggies really kinda suck.
06/27/2005 TheBuyer: You have to cut them a little at the legs or they don't fit right. If you're really getting it you should buy adult diapers, you don't have to be embarassed about it either. You just go grab the big, giant, obvious package from the well lit aisle in the busiest drug/grocery store closest to your home or office, wherever they're more likely to recognise you [or even know your name, if you're lucky!] plunk it down in front of the cashier, look her straight in the eyes and say, "They're not for me."
06/27/2005 TheBuyer: sorry, should have read *getting into it*. sorry again. sorry.
06/27/2005 scoop: Hey take that back eauthaire, I am no stinking Jew. I sir, am a dune coon. And for the record I like the quinsy-inspiring pictures okay but will either admit: a) it's over my head or b) it doens't make any fucking sense at all.
06/27/2005 Klause Muppet: I appreciated the Kara Walker link (never heard of her before).
06/27/2005 scoop: And I for the record, stand by my book, Pony, you frustrated art genius. It is, in the words of one Amazon critic from Takoma Park, Md., "totally awesome." Unlike your book, "HULLO! How many bees exactly? Dum di dum...Words are pictures that mean whatever I want: An autobiography" which has received less than stellar praise.
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: Yes, that book was a little ahead of its time, and I take full responsibility for that.
06/27/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, look, dude; I found an old copy of your album!
06/27/2005 qualcomm: actually, pony, read properly (that is, right to left) those hebrew characters spell (phonetically) Kisskul
06/27/2005 Kenji X: Art never "means" anything, it just IS you rudimentary faggots. I read that in an art texbook once, the art part, not the faggot thing.
06/27/2005 Klause Muppet: You read faggot textbooks?
06/27/2005 anonymous: Speaking of which, any further questions about this short can be answered here.
06/28/2005 Kenji X: Yeah, that's the one. By the way, the cock on the pitcher is quite dispropotionally huge. I can't imagine how his catcher feels.
06/28/2005 Kenji X: Yeah, that's the one. By the way, the cock on the pitcher is quite dispropotionally huge. I can't imagine how his catcher feels.