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You're rhymes are so stupid that they're deaf, blind and dumb My rhymes are elemental like Einsteinium You're dumber than ladies in the school lunch staff room Today you smell just like a Greyhound bus bathroom My favorite part of puberty was popping zits The secret to nice asses is they look like tits I don't like taxi drivers who talk on the phone But I do like your mom when I make her groan Some dude took a doo-doo in between your french toast While Scooby Doo screwed the sleeves on your mom's fur coats

Date Written: June 27, 2005
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 2.27778

07/7/2005 Partytime: Scooby Doo and mom groanin' got a chuckle. But this is so Newton.
07/7/2005 Will Disney: Well, I think there is some wisdom to be found in stanzas three and four.
07/7/2005 qualcomm (0.5): perhaps one of the most lustreless author shorts in acme history. i congratulate you.
07/7/2005 scoop: You're just pissed because today you smell just like a Greyhound bathroom.
07/7/2005 scoop: Disney can we implement an emergency "negative stars" plan so we can deal with this short approproately?
07/7/2005 scoop: *appropriately*
07/7/2005 scoop: *fags*
07/7/2005 Mr. Joshua (0.5):
07/7/2005 Kenji X: Russell Simmons Def Poerty Slam
07/7/2005 TheBuyer: You guys are fucked, this thing is great.
07/7/2005 TheBuyer (0.5): By 'great' I mean terrible and I mean 'fucked' in a good way.
07/7/2005 Turgid (2.5): I'm sorry. I like the last stanza. I'm sorry.
07/7/2005 Litcube: What the fuck is going on here? What are you doing?
07/7/2005 Litcube: Jhyothiuer, what are you doing?
07/7/2005 Mr. Pony: I don't know, I think I can see what Snow's trying to do here, and while I'm not sure it's really working, I can appreciate the structure joke. I mean, both lines of each stanza are forced. That's sort of funny; or at least interesting.
07/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Or at least worth pointing out.
07/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Hi.
07/7/2005 TheBuyer: Mr. Pony, I think you have the intent of this short wrong, at least partially. I think it is supposed to be the worst ranked short in the history of Acmeshorts dot com.
07/7/2005 Litcube: I am typing things, and I am hitting submit, and I am not seeing them.
07/7/2005 mr.coffee (5): A breath of fresh air.
07/7/2005 Jon Matza (3.5): I ('za) appreciate the huaghtheur's spritidness in carrying out an idea that's essentially doomed by definition. Also thought lines 5, 6 and 9 were pretty amusing within their own juvenile context.
07/7/2005 Dylan Danko: Can we put an end to alternate spellings of author?
07/7/2005 Will Disney: Do you mean that literally or metaphorically, litcube?
07/7/2005 Benny Maniacs (4): I think we have to rate this in a separate poetry catagory.
07/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Do you mean that literally or metaphorically, Dylan?
07/7/2005 Litcube: Oh, quite literally, Disney.
07/7/2005 Will Disney: You were trying to post something and it no workeed?
07/7/2005 Litcube: Correct. It no workeed. No showee.
07/7/2005 Klause Muppet (2.5): I get the silliness. Nothing more, nothing less.
07/7/2005 Will Disney: but now it workees? was it because of the text you were trying to post?
07/8/2005 Litcube: Well, I suppose now it workee. But get this: wouldn't it be cool if it didn't workee after trying to submit two or more duplicate messages within a minute and a half of each other? Imagine that, though. Wouldn't that be something? Seriously, picture it... Perhaps one day, Man will surpass this technological hurdle. But until that day, we'll be stuck here, shaking our heads in wonderment with question marks hovering over our heads.
07/8/2005 Will Disney: Someday!
07/8/2005 Partytime: Told you it was sooo Newton.
07/8/2005 TheBuyer: Benny, I may owe you some star but I can't figure out if I was justified or assholish. I could make it up to you. Do you like gelato?
07/8/2005 scoop (0.5): You deserve to be trown a real beatin' for dis kid. A real nasty beatin'.
07/8/2005 scoop: Dear 'Za - I wonder if I would like more things if they were doomed from the outset? Or are you completely mad? Just curious?
07/8/2005 Mr. Pony: You guys make me sick. Can't any of you do anything without looking to Mr. Joshua for guidance?
07/8/2005 Jon Matza: Dear Scoop: I enjoyed your letter. However, those question marks are throwing me off; consequently, I'm having trouble grasping the substantive burg of your queries. Are you saying it's preposterous to like something in spite/because of its having no chance? please w/b ASAP
07/8/2005 scoop: The burg in the woodpile here, the crux of the burg, the batter in the Bisq-burg, the maggot in the burg, the burg in the ointment essentially is thus: isn't the act of doing something so catastrophically doomed by its very nature still part of the whole that is being critiqued? Or is the intention somehow quarantined from our critical prongs? Your comment suggests the fact that it is doomed relieves it of its responsibiltiy for being so bad? I would suggest that the "thing" -- painting, movie, book short -- begins with the idea. If you want to paint a picture of dogs playing poker, and it turns out the way you expect, are you going to defend it by saying: "Hey dude, lay off with that negative vibe. There's only so much you can do with this subject matter? Whoa." And is a critic supposed to releive himself of the responsibity for the thing-maker's selevtion of the particular subject matter in the first place? Yours faithfully, Shameless Burgaholic, scoop ps -- a burg in the fist is but a silohuette in the mist
07/8/2005 Benny Maniacs: Dogs playing poker is a good idea for a painting.
07/8/2005 Jon Matza: I don't think you're going to like/agree with this, brother Scoop... but my enjoyment (and subsequent judgment) of the dog painting you posit would depend largely on the context...including the artist’s intention!!! More specifically, my reaction would largely depend on what I concluded after considering bacon-burg questions such as have I ever seen a felt painting like this before? Does the artist actually think it was great or is he intentionally creating kitsch? Is it a commentary on other felt dog poker paintings in the community? Do I like particular way these poker-playing hounds are being depicted? and the like. To me, trying to rate shorts "objectively" and treating them as absolute, context-free entities existing in a vacuum seems futile, and possibly misguided. Also, I'm tempted to question what you seem to be implying about shorts needing to have some sort of ambitious subject matter or purpose to be worthwhile. As Disney is fond of chanting, "shorts are just shorts, guy, nothing more, nothing less". While some sirloin exemplars have genuine literary merit, many if not most are written as instantly disposable flotsam, no? Given this, I may reward something I find merely funny/likable even if I know it's bad or even terrible from an artistic standpoint. I admit I may be wrong about all this and I apologize if this approach upsets you; I'm only trying to state my position. Up with decadent art, irony, relativism, intentional stupidity and subjective voting!
07/9/2005 scoop: The only thing up on this guy is his nine and half inch boner!
07/9/2005 scoop: Granted, it's only about one-eighteenth of an inch in circumfrence, but baby, it is loooong!
07/9/2005 scoop: Granted, it's only about one-eighteenth of an inch in circumfrence, but baby, it is loooong!
07/9/2005 John Slocum: so it's long?
07/9/2005 scoop: sorry for ripping off this qualcomm short
07/11/2005 Mr. Pony: which (probably inadvertently) rips off this book
07/12/2005 qualcomm: is there a long, thin wiener in that book?
07/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Kilgore Trout stood up.
"That's right, baby, I got what you want. Right here in my pants," he said, gesturing to his pants. "My "thingy." It's nice and long, like I know you like them."
Dwayne Hoover eyed him suspiciously.
"Nice, long and thin, right baby?" he continued. "With a disproportionately large head. Oh yeah. It's like a long, funky-smelling Chmars Loopob, the fruit from a plant found only on the planet Tralfamadore, where everyone has long since given up on small talk, and when people meet, they go right to hitting each other."
Trout sat back down.
07/13/2005 Mr. Pony (5): Amazing!