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Moribundo decided to glamourize the affair by serving piƱa coladas. The dark curtains were proving insurmountable when it came to enjoying the evening. I examined the tip of my forefinger to see if it had become infected. Moribundo had inadvertently (?) pricked me hours earlier with his sharpened #2. I then advertently examined the tip of my foreskin -- privately, of course -- as I was inclined to do. A nervous tic, I suppose. Memories of sharp sounds ricocheted inside my head. Accordions mixed with yelps of small dogs. Women screaming in Greek. Somehow Bastardo's voice came cutting through the chaos. "Would you mind?" He turned his back to me abruptly. I was expected to zip up his dress from waist to neck. Monica's elegance couldn't be ignored, but I did my best to focus on the drink that was soothing my sore throat. "Don't be sore," she whispered coincidentally as she passed, her long hair brushing up against my cheek -- with a few strands falling into my exotic beverage. I experienced an odd cramp in my pelvis as I attempted to focus on the entertainment at hand. I find the observation of juggling bowling pins to be about the most hackneyed way to spend a Saturday night in this decrepit province, but I had no choice...

Date Written: June 29, 2005
Author: Turgid
Average Vote: 2.71429

07/13/2005 TheBuyer: This is psychotic, processing...
07/13/2005 qualcomm: this is so turgid, it's not even funny.
07/13/2005 Will Disney (4): "A nervous tick, I suppose."
07/13/2005 Dylan Danko: I really hate this for some reason. I mean really hate. The tone of this leads me to believe that the author considers himself a 'writer.' Nothing could be further from the truth. Sorry.
07/13/2005 Anal Sex: This can't be Turgid--look at the North-of-the-Border spelling of "glamourize"! (Wait, should that be "glamourise"?)
07/13/2005 Anal Sex: Oh; hey, folks.
07/13/2005 anonymous: Hey, Anal.
07/13/2005 Kenji X: Province is a dead giveaway for a Kanadian. This leads me somewhere, but where I'm not sure. Is this part of an ongoing series? Should it be?
07/14/2005 Anal Sex: I'll be damned! It is Turgid! You know, our robots have you located South of the Border? Etc? Damnedest thing!
07/14/2005 Klause Muppet (3.5): I believe Turgid's having fun and not pretending to be anyone he's not.
07/14/2005 The Rid (2): Cluttered, pretentious, annoyingly stylized.
07/14/2005 Dylan Danko (0.5): I'm going to have to half star this. I wish I could give this zero stars. I am no longer an opponent of capital punishment. This is such an utter piece of crap. 'Author,' if your intention was to write something utterly inexecrable then I applaud you but still think your efforts might have a better life here.
07/14/2005 Dylan Danko: Disney, fix my html sharp like.
07/14/2005 anonymous: A half star? That's pretty harsh, buddy. Shouldn't half stars be reserved for a)lack of effort, b)plagiarism, c)utter ineptitude, etc.?
07/14/2005 TheBuyer: anon_a, I'll field this one. Yes.
07/14/2005 Nigel Griffiths: Naaaaow, vehs naoh neeed tou git deefehnseev, brahvah.
07/14/2005 Turgid: I was trying to respond as the author. I can't understand Mr. Griffiths. I'm sorry, etc.
07/14/2005 qualcomm: anon_a - i have to say no to that. fuck that shit. a short can be a piece of shit for all sorts of different reasons.
07/14/2005 Mr. Pony: Just like how a short can be worth five stars for all sorts of reasons!
07/14/2005 Dylan Danko: My comment below came off annoyingly QCish. I was just blowing off steam but stand by my desire to zero this. Sorry, Turgid.
07/14/2005 Ewan Snow (1): Should have named him Cumberbundo. Now that would have been funny.
07/14/2005 qualcomm: yeah, you hear that turgid? danko's sorry! doesn't that half-star feel better now?
07/14/2005 Poop (3): Poop!
07/14/2005 Partytime (5): Brilliantly irritating.