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Troy sat pantsless on a park-bench and fiddled with his tink-tink. He jumped up when he heard the church bells, "Oh boy!" he exclaimed, "Lunchtime!" He reached back into his asshole and pulled out a paper sack. Troy ignored the apple and went straight for his strawberry jam and butter sandwich on white bread. The jam was all soaked through the bread but Troy didn't care, he wiped his hands on the grass and dug in anyway. He shifted uncomfortably and then remembered his drinkin' box. He reached up and pulled and pulled but the little foil circle where the straw goes gave way with a pop. The drink box was pointed north and ruined his oreos. Troy finished his sandwich and started on his apple. He would try to remember to only bring soda from now on.

Date Written: July 09, 2005
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 1.5

Comments:
07/13/2005 The Rid: Um...
07/13/2005 TheBuyer: Every Troy I've ever met has kept his food in a vinyl sack.
07/13/2005 Jon Matza: Enjoyed this, esp 1st graf--but why (if I understand correctly) didn't Troy keep the juice box and cookies in the same paper sack as the sandwich and apple? Seems fishy...
07/13/2005 Joseph Yurndt (1): just above contempt
07/13/2005 Jon Matza: Hey, Yurndt!
07/13/2005 anonymous: Fake user-name revenge vote.
07/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Revenge for what?
07/13/2005 qualcomm: for making us read this crap
07/13/2005 anonymous: The incedent. The thing is, he's got the wrong author!
07/13/2005 Will Disney: I really enjoyed that first paragraph, thur.
07/13/2005 TheBuyer: Author, what?
07/13/2005 qualcomm: author, whom do you think joseph yurndt's alias thinks you are?
07/13/2005 Will Disney: Aren't most revenge votes targetted at you, QC? I know most of mine are...
07/13/2005 TheBuyer: This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the half-star here and revenge vote here, would it?
07/13/2005 anonymous: Yes, it is qualcomm. I have deduced this through complicated scientific methods such as guessing.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: i didn't write that first one you linked to. and no, revenge has nothing to do with my yurndt vote. i didn't know this was you (i suspected, but i wasn't sure - it could also have been benny m.), and i don't think the short is good. i think it is bad. honestly. it's a real stinker.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: well, now i'm really not sure who wrote it. or laid it, more accurately. i mean, seriously, who farted?
07/13/2005 TheBuyer: I thought I wrote this for a minute there, maybe I'll up my meds. You didn't write the first short that I linked to you torpedoed the first short that I linked to. Anyhow, I apologise for my revenge vote, that was a good short. f u for the half-star but still, revenge voting is bad.
07/13/2005 Mr. Pony (2): I tend to agree with JY...I particularly didn't like how the potentially interesting image of cookies being soaked with apple juice inside a kid's butt was hurt by what I see as unintentional misdirection ("...the little foil circle where the straw goes..." and the unusual use of the word "north"). I do feel that something good could have been made by reconfiguring the first three sentences.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: i stand by my half-star on your inside short, thebuyer. that thing is terrible.
07/13/2005 anonymous: Huh, I thought all that stuff was the stuff that worked the best which makes me want to say, 'take your two stars and go fiddle your tink-tink' but on second thought, if those elemnts fail, then the whole short fails and that would be a wrong, rude thing to ask you to do - unless you were going to anyway. fiddler.
07/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Fiddling!
07/13/2005 Mr. Pony: Here's the thing: Using "North" to mean "up" doesn't add anything to the description. It doesn't help you get across any details about the action, or make the scene more vivid or anything. It just sort of calls attention to the narrator, who seems to have chosen an arbitrarily unusual (and possibly witty) way to say something; the way I see it. I don't hate you for it, Hawthorne; in fact, it endears me to you. I just feel it hurts your story, is all.
07/13/2005 qualcomm: north means up? jesus, that's a shitty choice, author.
07/13/2005 Mr. Pony: My apologies if you actually meant magnetic or geographic North, author.
07/13/2005 TheBuyer: qualcomm, that one missed on a couple levels - mainly the levels which are resposible for 'quality' and the ones responsible for 'humour' but I didn't think so at the time.
07/13/2005 anonymous: Great veinous thrombosis! This is what I'm saying - north, tink-tink, and drinkin' box are all goofy in the same way, you prune(s).
07/13/2005 anonymous: And in regards to buyer, qualcomm and the inside short - you are invited to take your half-star-pity-party the fuck out of my office, please.
07/13/2005 TheBuyer (4): ya, ya
07/14/2005 Anal Sex: How does one pronounce that? Dude?
07/14/2005 TheBuyer: ya, ya, you mean? ever see the movie Fargo? Like that.
07/14/2005 Anal Sex: Thanks, that's been nagging at me. I had an idea in my head that it might be an alternate spelling of "yeah".
07/14/2005 TheBuyer: Yes, it is, but I talk funny.
07/14/2005 Nigel Griffiths: Vat yew dew, moi widdow plahm; vat yew dew.