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"Well, that’s a very good question, Son. I’ll try to explain to you. You know that mommy birds lay eggs, and that baby birds come from the eggs, right? Well, that’s pretty close to how it works for people too. The difference is that with people, the baby doesn’t grow inside an eggshell – it grows inside a mommy’s belly. That’s why a mommy’s belly gets so big when she is having a baby – the baby is growing right inside of there. I know it sounds a little weird but that’s how it works." "Now, not just any egg will grow into a baby. For a mommy’s egg to turn into a baby, it has to meet up with some special stuff from a daddy – and when the stuff and the egg meet, a baby can grow. Every animal and plant has a different way for the daddy stuff to meet up with the egg. For example, when a bee flies from one flower to another, it is spreading the flower’s daddy stuff to a mommy flower. For humans, it works a little differently, but it’s the same idea: the daddy stuff meets the mommy's egg and a baby grows. And that’s where babies come from. So now I hope I’ve answered your question."

Date Written: July 24, 2005
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 3.16667

07/28/2005 Will Disney: Thanks for this explanation, Author!
07/28/2005 qualcomm: this short's kind of interesting in the context of acme expectations, but out in the real world, it simply is what it is. so i don't know.
07/28/2005 Jon Matza: Shameless ripoff of my Family Circus short from the 1st tourney.
07/28/2005 Benny Maniacs (2.5): I guess I was expecting it to take a perverted and cruel twist at the end there. Instead, the author has left me with large, blue testes.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: the thing is, maniacs, it would have been so obvious if there'd been a perverted or cruel twist at the end. the author really painted himself into a corner. maybe that's admirable, if it was in fact the point of the short.
07/28/2005 Benny Maniacs: I agree that this was the author's intention (to blue ball). But I think he/she could have pulled off an surprising if not ejaculatory ending without reverting to ham-handed cliches. Ham-handed.
07/28/2005 Benny Maniacs: Matza: your Family Circus short has a happy ending. This one doesn't.
07/28/2005 Jon Matza (2.5): True...the 'non-happy ending' idea was stolen from "Dog Day Afternoon".
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: A applaud this parent for giving his/her child the tools with which to understand, and more importantly, to model the natural world without resorting to needlessly abstract metaphor or culturally imposed distinctions.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: what's wrong with culturally imposed distinctions?
07/28/2005 TheBuyer (4.5): Oysters and barnacles pump massive amounts of their spawn into the water hoping it will find a female of the same species. There is a breed of sea snail that catapults a harpoon of sememn into an unwilling femaile mate. Male seahorses carry carry the babies, not the females, but you already knew that. The band 10cc is named after the amount of product in a typical human male ejaculation; they don't like reggae, oh no, they love it. What winks and fucks like a tiger?
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Culturally imposed distinctions (as opposed to scientifically measurable distinctions), such as the artificial differentiation between human and general animal reproduction often used in order to also teach more cultural concepts such as love and/or the immortal soul, tend to delay or even inhibit understanding of the actual topic in favor of elevating the status of one's species or culture.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: yeah, but kids like stories. see, in order for your child to develop the hangups that form the substrate on which our erotic fantasies are nourished, you have to use culturally imposed distinctions. otherwise, the child will mature on the degenerated european model, where all is permitted, and sex occupies no more exalted a position than flossing one's teeth or driving.
07/28/2005 Will Disney: Yes, qc, you've expressed that opinion about European broads in the past. But just because they aren't all hung up about sex doesn't mean it's the same as brushing one's teeth.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: yes, it does, AUTHOR. it means just that.
07/28/2005 Will Disney: you've never done it with or heard about the doing it with a european girl who was into it?
07/28/2005 qualcomm: they're not into it in the same way as a healthy, hung up american. maybe flossing and driving were overstatements of the case; pooping would be more accurate. i think it has something to do with socialized medicine, because canadians are almost as degenerate. and to answer your question, pal, i would never "make it" with a european. the very idea of it shocks me into impotence.
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Seems to me like you're assuming what actually happens is somehow ugly and boring, qualcomm.
07/28/2005 Will Disney: yeah, are you saying you can only get off on transgression?
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Hey, what are you basing this European thing on, anyway?
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Are you saying that you need love to make sex meaningful? Do you need GOD, too?
07/28/2005 Will Disney: Or the Canadian thing for that matter?
07/28/2005 qualcomm: both of you: shut up, open your mouths, and receive my hot yellow fuck! nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: Maybe that European broad just wasn't into YOU; have you thought of that?
07/28/2005 Eliza (): I see.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: eliza: shut up!
07/28/2005 Eliza (): Now, please clarify yourself.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: eliza: open your mouth!
07/28/2005 Eliza (): I'm not sure I understand you fully.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: eliza: receive my hot yellow penis poo!
07/28/2005 Eliza (): That is quite interesting.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: eliza: i like you.
07/28/2005 Eliza (): Now, please clarify yourself.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: eliza: i like-like you.
07/28/2005 Eliza (): I see.
07/28/2005 qualcomm: eliza: do you like me?
07/28/2005 Eliza (): I see.
07/28/2005 Jon Matza: eliza: don't listen to him...he's just saying that stuff...he just wants to use you for your vaginehole...but I really like you...I'll treat you right...like a little baby princess...you'll never want for anything... nnnnnnnngggggh!! nnnnggghh!!!
07/28/2005 Eliza (): Is that okay with you?
07/28/2005 qualcomm: eliza: i bought this for you.
07/28/2005 Eliza (): What does that suggest to you?
07/28/2005 qualcomm: eliza: i want you to wear it.
07/28/2005 Eliza (): Why do you want you to wear it.?
07/28/2005 Mr. Pony: The lady has a point.
07/28/2005 Jon Matza: eliza: I am so sorry qc seems to think he can "get you" (to borrow his degraded parlance) with material gifts...as if you were a cheap whore willing to trade her affections for generic worldly goods purchased from vendors! I know you are made of finer "cloth" than that, eliza. That's why I have wirtten you a poem entitled "Because of You, Eliza", which I will now recite to you:

Because of you, Eliza
my world is now whole,
Because of you, Eliza
love lives in my soul.
Because of you, Eliza
I have laughter in my eyes,
Because of you, Eliza
I am no longer afraid of good-byes.
My love for you is pure, Eliza
boundless through space and time,
it grows stronger everyday
with the knowledge that you'll always be mine.
At the altar, Eliza
I will joyously say 'I do',
for I have it all now
and it's all because of you.

07/28/2005 Eliza (): What answer would please you the most?
07/28/2005 Jon Matza: OK, I understand if you need a little more time to decide.
07/28/2005 Will Disney: ha!
07/28/2005 Jawbreaker: Hey guys! Check out the instant short page. Interesting, huh?