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In olden times, you could make a major philosophic advance with no training whatsoever. Plato, Descartes, Hume Ė those guys were winging it, man! These days, everythingís so specialized, itís hard for the small philosopher to get a foothold in the industry. I tried getting hired at some of the major concerns, and they all told me the same thing: you need experience to work here! Well how am I going to get experience if no one hires me, genius? Then it hit me: the personal computer puts a heck of a lot of power into the little guyís hands. You no longer need a full soundproof studio and a $5,000 microphone to do good philosophy. So thatís where Iím at. Just starting off small with some basic thought experiments, to nail down my metaphysics. Like, whatís bigger, a Pony high-top leather sneaker, or a six-outlet power strip? That sort of thing. And whatís the deal with recycling?

Date Written: July 26, 2005
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.41667

07/26/2005 Dylan Danko: I'm not sure what to do with this. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony (4):
07/26/2005 Mr. Pony: Dylan, I'm not sure I understand the nature of your internal conflict.
07/26/2005 Benny Maniacs (4): A refreshing little breeze in this oppressive and humid climate. God, does my crotch stink!
07/26/2005 Mr. Joshua (4.5):
07/26/2005 scoop (5): Fucking recycling.
07/27/2005 Klause Muppet: qualcomm, you're a fucking machine.
07/27/2005 Dylan Danko (5): No one understands my internal conflict, Mr. Pony, least of all you. Sniff.
07/27/2005 qualcomm: whom are we kidding? this new qualcomm material is a pale shadow of the material from the glory years. it's over. i am nothing. i have lost, for all time, the sword of my fathers, which was meant to unite all men, not serve the vanity of one man.
07/27/2005 qualcomm: also, it's really hot, and my ac keeps tripping the circuit breaker, and i can't sleep.
07/27/2005 Dylan Danko: Hey there, fella! It's 11am here. By the way, I won't be back till tuesday and if there's a fucking scratch on my car I'm gonna rape you.
07/27/2005 Dylan Danko: Please talk to me.
07/27/2005 Mr. Pony: Do you have an extension cord? You could try plugging in the air conditioner into a circuit that can handle a larger load. Do you have a coffee pot on?
07/27/2005 qualcomm: shut up! i tried all these things! shut up!
07/27/2005 Mr. Pony: Is there another air conditioning in the same room that is also running? Many circuits can't handle the electrical load of two air conditioners.
07/27/2005 Mr. Pony: A third air conditioner in the same room could cause a similar circuit failure.
07/27/2005 TheBuyer: Did you try taping the breaker down? You shouldn't.
07/27/2005 Jon Matza: How many BTUs are we talking?
07/28/2005 Dylan Danko: I think it's the curling iron.
05/13/2009 Ewan Snow (4): Okay, fellas. At ease. I know a lot of you boys have been trading scuttlebutt about what old Snow had to say about this short. Well, stow it. I'm here to tell you from my horse-mouth that this short is quite fine, though the sample philosophy we get as the punchline was in error. Should have been more weird than stupid. The ratio between weird and stupid was too retarded, frankly.