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“Damian’s taking a mental!” Tommy Carson's bulletin sent shockwaves of excitement through the Home Economics sewing area. Like a pack of bloodthirsty little hyenas we swarmed into the kitchen area and were immediately rewarded with the sight of a crimson-faced, wild-eyed Damian Cooke advancing on Dougie Pelusi with a molded plastic chair. Pelusi (already with hairy arms and six inches taller than the rest of us) later told us he'd done a trip-and-shove on Damian in hopes of inciting one of Damian's weekly tantrums. We'd all pulled something along these lines at some point--the urge to provoke a Damian-spaz was irresistible. Pelusi had possibly overdone it, though; blood was flowing freely from a wound on Damian's forehead. Utterly unprepared for Pelusi's cruelly uncalled-for attack, he'd taken a header into the radiator. “Aaaaaaaaaaargh!” Damian was now yelling savagely. He shook the metal-legged chair menacingly at Pelusi. In unison we gleefully started up our customary singsong chant: "MEN-tal! MEN-tal!" “You boys stop it right now,” burbled Mrs O’Toole, the feeble old crone of a Home Ec teacher, keeping a safe distance. In a single deft motion, Pelusi grabbed two of the chair legs, leant back, braced his legs, wheeled around hard and released. The momentum sent Damian (still foolishly clutching the chair) careening towards us. We scattered like pigeons and Damian went sidelong into the corner of a heavy wooden table, going down hard. An empty metal bowl got knocked to the floor in the commotion and began to spin around like a top, clonging noisily. “Aaaaaaiiiiiiii!” howled Damian.

Date Written: July 29, 2005
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 3.16667

08/5/2005 qualcomm (2): feels kind of pointless
08/5/2005 scoop: I know you have the right to an opinion, but it exposes a lot about you as a viewer of cinema.
08/5/2005 scoop: For many reasons but not limited to the following, these [shorts] serve as an examination of human beings under unusual, difficult, trying, and/or troublesome circumstances. For some it is a personal interest because it has touched them in one way or another, an extended metaphor if you will.
08/5/2005 Ewan Snow: I'm glad to know about the metal bowl and the manner in which it fell. Perhaps a careful description of what was happening over by the cubbies (or something else boring and irrelevant) would have rounded out the important details provided by this short!
08/5/2005 Mr. Pony: I actually like when metal bowls do that. It's one of my favorite things that metal bowls do.
08/5/2005 Ewan Snow: Well, Pony, I guess you are unfamiliar with the sweet, tropical sounds of the steel drum!
08/5/2005 Mr. Pony: You don't know what kind of metal bowl is mentioned in the short, do you? It's one of those small stainless steel bowls used for cooking. Some of them have small rings on either side of their rims.
08/5/2005 Redacto: or the sickly sweet odor of weed when it is oxidized in a metal bowl.
08/5/2005 qualcomm: Redacto!
08/5/2005 Mr. Pony: Technically, Redacto, that's something weed does.
08/5/2005 scoop: i just had a kind of spiritual, restive experience when i watched it. it surprised me and it suprised the girl i was with [who usually doesn't go for these [shorts]] but we had just had such a good day together walking in the park and around the city, not talking really just sharing some peanuts and hands and small experiences together, and the climate was good, not too hot like it usually is, and this meandering together really made this [short] a perfect conclusion to the day.. i mean, what do WE as humans do that is more 'important' than what [damian] does? did you really have something 'better' to do than [read] this [short]?
08/5/2005 scoop: {i meant to write "read" instead of "watched" of course, since it is a short.)
08/5/2005 anonymous: Whee!
08/5/2005 Mr. Pony (3): I actually kind of have to agree with Matza--Fun stuff happens here, but you don't do a lot with it, Author. I think it walks the line between accurate and predictable.
08/5/2005 Ewan Snow: I'm dying to know: is the molded plastic chair the same as the metal-legged chair? I would give this about 1 star, but qualcomm has told me that it's not nice to give low votes. "If you don't have anything nice to vote, don't vote at all," he's always saying. Forgive me, author, forgive me, but I found this short to be absolutely terrible. "scattered like pigeons" was pretty good, though...
08/5/2005 Dylan Danko: I was just going to say something quite similar, Mr. Snow. Yeah, that whole chair thing, jesus fuck!
08/5/2005 Intacto: The internet is hallowed for being a quick and easy way to communicate across the world and yet we have people who make semi-offensive posts, almost disregarding respect for another persons opinion, then we complain when they respond in a hostile manner.
08/5/2005 Intacto: And also, Intacto?
08/5/2005 Eliza: Now, please clarify yourself.
08/5/2005 Dylan Danko: Texxx, you wily little bugger!
08/5/2005 Dylan Danko: I am trying to rub one out to the sentence: "The internet is hallowed for being a quick and easy way to communicate across the world..."
08/5/2005 Mr. Pony: Ha ha
08/5/2005 Jon Matza (2): Ironic, isn't it Mr. Disney: your short seems to have incited what you've endeavoured to describe here, a bloodthirsty mob taking pleasure in attacking a defenceless jerk. Are you not, in fact, "Damian"?
08/5/2005 TheBuyer: Eliza: qualcomm.
08/5/2005 Eliza (): It's funny you should mention Will H. Disney, because I'd love to escape from Will H. Disney.
08/5/2005 Jon Matza: Eliza: is Disney in fact Damian?
08/5/2005 Eliza (): Yes, I remember a Disney. Disney. Disney, Disney, Disney.
08/5/2005 Jon Matza: I knew it!
08/5/2005 Litcube: Has anyone ever seen a non-molded plastic chair? What does it look like?
08/5/2005 Jon Matza: ?
08/5/2005 Partytime: mental
08/5/2005 Partytime: Hey Matza!! Mr. Purpell was right!
08/5/2005 Jon Matza: Holy F
08/6/2005 TheBuyer (4.5): You assholes, quit picking on Disney.
05/12/2006 Dylan Danko: Matza, one day you will have to atone for what you did to Jimmy Rose.