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I have peculiar habits and am curious in a wonderful variety of ways. For instance, when I do my banking, I always ask the teller for eighty dollars in two dollar bills and twenty Susan B. Anthony’s. I prefer to pay for things with atypical coins and notes. I like to see the look on a clerk’s faces when I hand over five two’s and an S.B.A. I always pretend I can’t understand what they think is so unusual. Or else, if I didn’t get a chance to stop at the bank, I wander into stores and say, “Do you have five twos for a ten?” Usually, they laugh and say, “You mean two fives for a ten” as the try to hand me two Lincolns. I put a confused and disappointed look and my face and say, “Thank you, no. I don’t want fives. I want twos. Five twos. What would I do with two five dollar bills? I’m not a collector.” In this, and several other wonderful ways, I am peculiar and curious.

Date Written: July 29, 2005
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 3.7

Comments:
08/1/2005 Will Disney: This guy sounds like a real fun guy to hang out with.
08/1/2005 Will Disney: shortwise, i appreciated the elaboration of the concept here.
08/1/2005 anonymous: Could this be any weaker?
08/1/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (3.5): Last line was solid, bro!
08/1/2005 Jon Matza: What a singular fellow!
08/1/2005 qualcomm: i'unno why, but i think this maybe would have been better if the narrator didn't express his awareness of his own peculiarities quite so explicitly and/or repetitively. and so, the qualcomm version:

I prefer to pay for things with atypical coins and notes. When I do my banking, I always ask the teller for eighty dollars in two dollar bills and twenty Susan B. Anthony’s. Shoppe clerks are always taken aback when I hand over five two’s and an S.B.A., but I don't indulge their prying with any explanations. If I don't get a chance to stop at the bank, I wander into shoppes and say, “Do you have five twos for a ten?” Usually, they laugh and say, “You mean two fives for a ten” as they try to hand me two Lincolns. I put a confused and disappointed look and my face and say, “Thank you, no. Call me fussy, but I prefer to register my purchasing power with twos. Five twos. I've no need for fives. I’m not a collector.” In this, and several other wonderful ways, I am peculiar and curious.
08/1/2005 scoop: I am peculiarly pecuniary.
08/1/2005 anonymous: Well, the thing is, qualcomm, it's not just awarenes of but self-satisfaction with. After all, his habits aren't so much peculiar and curious as contrived and gay.
08/1/2005 anonymous: "purchasing power" change was good, though.
08/1/2005 qualcomm: what about shoppes? was shoppes good?
08/1/2005 anonymous: no
08/1/2005 Mr. Pony (3.5): I liked this okay, author. I myself am quite proud of some very stupid things I do, and I appreciate the wake-up call. By the way, Pony version:

I am this guy and I am a total weirdo involving things. Because if I ask the teller for eighty dollars, I get it in a eighty dollar bill, and in a coin that is worth nothing. The teller of the bank. I pay for things with the money. People see the weirdo money I use and they have farts. OFTEN THOUSANDS OF FARTS People say to me, Hey you weirdo, why can't you be regular like me? I simply smile mouthwards and say Hey listen I'm not the FARTING ONE! (Except when I eat iced cream) Did I mention how entelligent I am? I am usually the most entelligent person in the room IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF!!! sometimes I can fart coins.
08/1/2005 The Rid: Pony: Five stars!
08/1/2005 Partytime (4): The first line is a good short on its own. Overall, The side splitting roller coaster ride dark comedy of the summer.
08/1/2005 Jon Matza: Author: please recap what have you learned about writing shorts and comedy from these suggested rewrites.
08/2/2005 Ewan Snow: I learned to always trust my gut and never let the bozos get me down. You might do well to learn a similar (though not necessarily identical) lesson, Mr. Matza!
08/2/2005 Jon Matza:                                       "Thanks for the suggestion brother!"
                                                                         

08/2/2005 Litcube (4): 3.87. Very dry. Was sure this was Matzaur.
08/3/2005 Kenji X (3.5): For prompting Mr. Pony's wicked assault on QC's insecurities. Bravo, Pony, bravo. You should write shorts for this site here.
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: What site? I can't see your link.
08/3/2005 Kenji X: This one right here.
08/3/2005 Mr. Pony: Still not working.
08/3/2005 Kenji X: F.U. link helper. You're no help to me than those blue dinglberries I keep digging out of my asshole hours after I've carelessly wiped myself.
08/4/2005 Mr. Pony: What? Dude, just type out the link.