AcmeShorts

home authors guest shorts graphical shorts

Sexy blonde 5'6" SWF smoker, 36, seeks financially stable, open-minded gentleman, 25-55, to settle down with. (No alkies or addicts please!) Hey we all got skeletons in our closet, mine is I was a professional sensual companion for 22 years. OK I ain't a virgin but look at it this way I know exactly how to float a mans boat. You want oral, anal fucking or handjobs, I know how to do it just right (maximal sensual pleasure). You treat me right (hint: I like vodka-tinis) I'll drain your plums daily. Its all yours, mister--I'm talking hot oral, anal fucking and handjobs, costumes, hanky spanky, lesbian wrestling, you name it, no bullshit--I do it all. Tits and ass still firm, stretch marks nearly invisible. Face ain't too pretty but as they say pussy has no face. All in all not bad for a party gal my age! Never had gonorrhea or syph, only one occurrence of genital herpes but that was a year ago and I'm on medication so just wear a rubber. (And if oral's all you want no worries mate!) If interested write Candy@box34311. Comfort with mentally disabled children a plus.

Date Written: July 31, 2005
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 2.5

Comments:
07/31/2005 The Rid (2): I think this is better.
08/1/2005 Dick Vomit: This makes me want to puke.
08/1/2005 Klause Muppet: I will contact Candy soon.
08/1/2005 Partytime (3): Some goodies, like the vodka tinis and pussy has no face. But I think we're seeing the run of the mill kosher side of the matza cracker.
08/2/2005 Dylan Danko: this slag is an aussie?
08/2/2005 Jon Matza: As I imagined it she was just repeating some slang she heard somewhere. Are you still in the land of our fathers?
08/2/2005 Mr. Pony: Seekonk?
08/3/2005 Kenji X: Dear Candy, My name is Artis and I have been confined to a wheelchair following a near-fatal accident involving a truck hauling pumpkins into the city and a Hispanic mother who was crossing the street with her three children against the light about ten years ago. I have had some difficulty in meeting women (obviously :) ) but I have never given up. The Serenity Prayer has been my touchstone for about seven years now, after mom found my former best friend John placing the shotgun into my mouth and sticking my toe into the trigger guard as I had asked him to do. Anyway, I'm very intrigued by your ad and would much like to meet you. Perhaps you're familiar with St. Jonas' Home for the Indigent and Physically Unable? No, silly, I don't live there, though they have a sweet hot tub for hydrotherapy (I go three times a week). Maybe some Monday, Tuesday or Thursday you could stop by between 12:15 and 12:45 p.m., that's my lunch break, and we could go get a guava smoothie around the conrer at the deli. I haven't been able to feel my penis in more than six years, the doctors say that's normal in my condition, but I'm willing to bet you could change that. Sorry to be so forward. I hope you're interested, please send me an e-mail at [email protected] and we can chat! Attached is a nude picture of myself in my battery operated wheelchair. The tube by my mouth is how I move around, you naughty girl. -Artis