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George Cukor, Tallulah Bankhead, and I had just been seated at Musso’s best table. Georgey was in one of his moods and Lu of course was absolutely tight. She was still wearing her Salome costume from the set, and I’d been put in charge of making sure she didn’t soil it that evening (heaven forbid Edith Head simply prohibit Miss Lu from doing whatever she wanted). Well, no sooner had we taken our seats than she started to “Tallulah,” as she called it. “Danny, you fabulous man,” she shouted across the room. “Bring me a quadruple Gibson and a bottle of onions, this instant!” Of course, she was already three sheets to the wind; she just wanted everyone at Musso to know that Miss Tallulah Bankhead had arrived. That accomplished, she laid her hand on my shoulder and said in that throaty whisper of hers, “Danny is positively marvelous, darling, the perfect man. He not only mixes the most incorrigible Gibsons, he makes Lionel Barrymore look like a eunuch! I couldn’t walk or eat solid foods for a week!” Now I knew for a fact (never you mind how, Mr. Nosey!) that Danny was a flaming queen, so I assumed that Lu was just padding her resume, as she was known to do. On the other hand, I also knew that he was hung like a blue whale (never you mind!), so I couldn’t be sure. When Danny came by with the drinks, Tallulah said, “How’s it hanging, oh Danny boy?” (That was the first time I’d ever heard that greeting, and it certainly wasn't Lu’s only coinage, clever bitch.) Well, wouldn’t you know it, Danny’s face turned redder than RKO's bottom line! “Why, Miss Bankhead,” I said, after he’d left, “I knew you were resourceful, but how did you ever conquer our Danny boy?” “Whatever do you mean, darling?” “Well, honey, he’s a known sodomite! The very thought of pussy makes him ill!” “Oh, I know that,” Lu mysteriously replied, pushing a Lucky into her jadeite holder and putting it to her lips. On cue, Georgey lit her cigarette, and she took a long, slow drag, letting my imagination run wild as the pause grew unbearably pregnant. "Well?!" I said, feeling like a naif before this sybarite, this Dionysus with tits. Lu parted her lips and sent a veil of smoke up across her face, her eyes impenetrable, hooded. “Why, Johnny, I'm surprised you need to ask," she finally said. "I let him fuck my asshole, darling. My asshole!”
Date Written: August 11, 2005
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.66667