home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


"I have procured a small bird," said Daddy Turlus. He held it aloft. It had a faraway look in its eye. "Can we play with it, Daddy?" "It depends on how you behaved earlier." A strange silence followed. Earlier in the day some bad behavior had taken place. It was clear Daddy was making an indirect reference to the boys' discourteous behavior. That's when Daddy tied the boys to the bed. He took off their pants and put worms and crumbs on their ding-a-lings. It hurt something fierce when the bird pecked at the boys' ding-a-lings. Then Daddy murdered them and their mother and ground up their bones for toothpaste because a bird is all the family a man needs.

Date Written: August 23, 2005
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 3.65

08/23/2005 The Foonch (4): Crumbs? Now that is really cruel.
08/23/2005 The Rid: Actually, this is pretty good.
08/23/2005 Cyrus (1): No, no it isn't
08/23/2005 The Rid: That 1-star vote is just incorrect.
08/23/2005 Mr. Pony (4.5): This short made me laugh and think it was funny. Murder is not funny, though. My laughing at this short makes me a bad person. I have let my father down.
08/23/2005 Cyrus: No it is not wrong. It is 100% correct jackass. Are you trying to tell me my opinion is wrong? Listen Sheesh no one gets to tell me what my opinion is! It's MY OPINION!
08/23/2005 The Rid (4.5):
08/23/2005 Cyrus: FU Rid. No wonder Jawbreaker tells us all your disgusting habits/growths.
08/23/2005 Dylan Danko (4):
08/23/2005 Adolf Hitler (3):
08/23/2005 qualcomm: oops
08/23/2005 Ewan Snow (3): Between a 3 and a 4 in my book. If there were half stars, I'd give this a 3.5.
08/23/2005 Jawbreaker: Hey! Leave me out of this one!
08/23/2005 Cyrus: Don't worry JB he is way to scared to talk back to me.
08/23/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4):
08/24/2005 Kenji X (4): Murder is never funny, but as a famed attorney once said, who knows how bad those boys were earlier that day? 4 in uppercase for the quick turn south.
08/24/2005 Litcube (4.5): Oh, Jon.
08/24/2005 The Rid: Hey, Matza, how's about a short on the front page, eh?
08/24/2005 Jon Matza: It is my hope that my detractors will take careful note of the seemingly insatiable demand of late among the guests for fresh matza material...seems cream rises to the top of the pail regardless of the attempts of certain ne'er-do-wells to keep it submerged with their squeegees of unsavouriness!
08/24/2005 Pushups: Rid, quit making sweet love (in the 19th-early 20th century sense) to Matza and get on the floor. Your upper body strength is failing.
08/24/2005 The Rid: Oh, Pushups! I bought a Bowflex. Relax.
08/24/2005 Pushups: Does that shit work your traps? Because I sure as hell do.