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“Say”, Authors? Evreybudys offull glum because we don’t have enoufh shorts in the cue now aday’s, "right???" But instead of just sitting around waiting for inspuration to bang us on the back woudunt it be so much more out standing if we just wen’t out and found it for ourselfves? “By walking in the park” let say? Or, alturnaivuly, talking to "an old budy you halvent spoke in to like for ever”? Or even just “reading some magazine articals”? You see, by exposing ourselve’s to such stimulus’s we will inevutubully discover pleniful ideas that will enhants creativety. I refur to ideas you can make up storey’s from that will make people stand up and exclaim wow. Storey’s exactly like this one you are reading now (that I imaguned up when I was eating cereal yesterday morning but buleive it or not I dind’t write it down untill later when I had some pens and pensills, at my disposall.) Hey! Don’t get me worng! You’r short doesn’t necussuruly have to be about a big hub-bubble-loo like the title wave that splashed on top of Neworlean’s yesterday, and everybudy got water up they’re nose and begun wraping each other. That’s a mistake so many firstime authors make but in reality it can be about practickly any topic’s. Including; games (like trivial pusuit, which I’m so bad at!); traveling to wiered lands; or howabout a terrubal accident which befell upon you or another fellow and if hi’ll recovur from it. Whats'more your story doesn’t even halve to tell about the secrets you don’t want anybudy to know about. You can simpley put in the parts you feel are the most magnifisant. Like if you went to the barburs to get you’r haircut but you don’t feel like exsplaning the part where they put the towel on your neck. Well, "OK, so then don"t!" In stead, you can just tell about how they cut it with the scissor’s and trimmed your side burn’s with clipper’s and it will still make people exclaim “wow”. Just make certon you tell it with plenty of pizzaz. Now I'm rooting for you to get off your but's and find some inspurratun to use for helping you write incredibile storey's so everybudy will be saying this cites the bomb! “Go for it, guys”!

Date Written: September 02, 2005
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 3.125

09/6/2005 Will Disney: okay i'll go for it!
09/6/2005 Klause Muppet (3): A couple of funny bits here (i.e. trivia pursuit) and I liked all the sic spelling errors. I hope the short accomplishes its goal.
09/6/2005 Mr. Pony: In the grand tradition of Ooh! Oww! Oooh! the author is standing firmly behind the points made in this essay and simultaneously mocking their straightforward simple-mindedness. Or is he mocking us by mocking these simple tips? Is he mocking me?
09/6/2005 Jon Matza: Thanks to this short I predict that by the end of the day there will be seven wonderful shorts in the queue!
09/6/2005 TheBuyer: I'm gonna squeeze one out right now!
09/6/2005 The Rid: He's definitely mocking you, Pony.
09/6/2005 scoop: Hey, maybe should tell this guy about a spell checking program or somehting. I thought it was a good idea, and very creative, but there were too many spelling mistakes to take seriously.
09/7/2005 Litcube (4): I actually just read this, Matza. It's true what you say about leaving out details. I think that's important. For example, yesterday I got out of the car to speak to a vehicle occupant about the use of their horn. In the story I'm just telling you now, however, I won't mention the fact that the sky was slightly overcast, 17c.
09/7/2005 Litcube: Serious question, folks: Am I the only denizen of this website who enjoys Matza's flavour?
09/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Why do you say that?
09/7/2005 Litcube: Well, for starters, this short hasn't garnered nearly the amount of comments that other shorts have in the past while. This is weird, because it is a good short. Also, I've noticed in the past that the general reaction from most authors is a tired groaning noise. Am I misreading his work, perhaps? Is he poking fun at me, and I'm laughing like a retard? Is everyone else seeing his ruse for what it really is?
09/7/2005 qualcomm: i enjoy most of matza's flavours. generally, i don't enjoy the ones where he does the intentionally stupid narrator thing, like here.
09/7/2005 Jon Matza: Now you'r geting it guis! It becalm's even easer the more you practise.
09/7/2005 Mr. Pony: I refrained from voting on this one because I saw it as more of an editorial than a short. I agreed with much of what was said here, and like many others, that point about the towel has given me much to think about. I still say Matza used this tone to give himself license to make some uncharacteristically simple points, although I admit "pizzaz" got a pretty health laugh out of me.
09/7/2005 TREE: wtf? scoop somehting not right here. Is there spelang erirs in tis shart? whet spel chik shud we send ham?
09/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Maybe we should pick a day and all use only our "stupid voices" from morning 'til night.
09/7/2005 TREE: I was told that I only had "one voice"
09/7/2005 The Rid: And it's definitely stupid.
09/7/2005 TREE: Easy there you Fat Fucking Mexican.
09/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Naw, TREE, I wasn't talking about you--we posted our comments at the same time. But that was pretty much in the spirit of what I was talking about!
09/7/2005 TREE: Apologies Rid I forgot Hairy.
09/7/2005 Mr. Pony: Whoa, what's going on here?
09/7/2005 TREE: 's ok Pony I was actuallu tryin' to pick a fight with Rid. I know no value in defeating an unarmed mexican but I was bored.
09/8/2005 Mr. Pony (4): You know what? I think the ideas espoused in this editorial are right on.
09/8/2005 qualcomm (1.5):
09/8/2005 Mr. Pony: Although I can see how some would be afraid of said ideas.
12/14/2005 Litcube: This was osim.