home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


My cow is a very good cow. She is my milk provider when I am thirsty. And when I am horny, well my wife and I fuck. You shouldn't fuck cows. I know people do it but seriously, don't.

She has big, huge, cow eyes. She also has an udder with teets. Pink teets that feel good. I love her teets and rub them with lotion. I sing her songs while I rub her teets. I sing, "Boopitty poop goopidty teetitty frum pumbledy boop too jangle tangasang gampamba hey!" and squeeze the milk out. My wife is a fine woman. She has given me three fine children, two boys and a girl. She is very good at fucking. Mormons often come to our house and she invites them inside and she pours them lemonade and combs her long dark hair and looks them in the eye and hums. She giggles and crosses her long legs. They prattle on about God while she undoes button after button on her blouse and then her shorts and then she's just sitting there in her underwear. Man, you've never seen Mormons move so fast as the Mormons that run out of our house when my wife gets naked.

I love my wife and my cow very much. You might be thinking about me fucking my cow right now and I think you should knock it off. Good lord, honestly. I am not trying to find her cow clitoris from behind, that is ghastly. Under no circumstances am I making slow circles with my entire left hand on her erect, bovine clit. She would never brace her thick, muscled neck on the fence and twist her head and look back at me, grinding hard into my thighs and pelvis. Why would a cow blink slowly then close her eyes and open her mouth in paroxyms of back arching pleasure?

Honestly, you should get your head checked out by a therapist if you have any of those thoughts in your head. You are sick. You need help. She would scratch deep scratches with her course hair, it would make my entire chest and legs and thighs raw the next day, why do you think about things like that?

Don't even tell me you're onto her cumming? Oh fuck, no, stop it. Go to sleep. Take some drugs. Punch yourself in the crotch. Stop thinking entirely; do something before I shoot my load of hot cum into her ejaculating vagina. She would moo in your mind. You are disgusting.

Date Written: September 03, 2005
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 4

09/7/2005 Will Disney: yes, awther, I *am* disgusting. in any case, i'm confused as to how your cow could be a source of MEAT and still be alive. also, please avoid mentioning the vaginae of large, grazing mammals, as that may cause qualcomm to post that picture again.
09/7/2005 TheBuyer: Milk isn't meat, it's pee.
09/7/2005 The Rid: This short has a certain amount of sick charm. The first three grafs had me laughing here at work, but the last two faltered. Author, is the writing intentionally, um, not great, as the narrator is a farmer and perhaps of feeble brain skills (in your mind)? In any event, this is at least a 3.5.
09/7/2005 Mr. Pony: There was a part in there about eating the meat of the cow when hungry. Seems gone now.
09/7/2005 Mr. Pony: I thought this was actually really funny, but that Mormon part seems odd. Like, really odd; like it's an in joke or a secret message or something. Also, the part about eating a continually living cow, but I understand that the author realized that Disney was right; or looked it up or something, and I accept the edit.
09/7/2005 Klause Muppet (4): 3.7 for you author! I agree with the Riddler about the first 3 grafs. Overall a pleasant read.
09/7/2005 Will Disney: i heard though that you could do that with certain fish(es). that is, that you could cut out a part of them to eat, throw them back in the tank, and then let them re-grow that part.
09/7/2005 Mr. Pony: I don't see why you couldn't do that with a cow, as long as you didn't get greedy.
09/7/2005 Will Disney: yeah, you could do that with a cow. you'd need a vet and stuff, and some patience.
09/7/2005 The Rid (3.5): Yeah.
09/7/2005 TREE: You Americans don't eat cow do you? Sick Bastards!
09/7/2005 itasta090 (4): Ha ha. I liked the author's disoriented thought process. He just can't get that fucking cow out of his mind! Also, an erect cow clit? Eww.
09/8/2005 Mr. Pony (3.5): The Mormon section of paragraph two is a Matza Haircut Towel.
04/26/2006 Master Bates (5): "Them Boobs Are Made for Washin'"