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A solitary, glistening pearl unzipped her flowering labia as gravity coaxed it southward toward the curve of her binus. He watched it slip over the crest and come to rest among the radians of her sphincter, Earl did; and his heart sort of sank as it got trapped there. Soon, the surface tension of the pearl would break and then: the inevitable dispersion and evaporation process. Gosh dammit. She was thrown back on the bed in an ecstatic sort of pose, Suzanna was; arms flung back all wild-like amongst the covers, hands gripping stuff, all sort of twisted up, actually. Earl passed his tongue over his black, scummy teeth. Crouched down like a ketcher, like a baby doctor even, Earl laid a palm on her thigh, like for testin' a stovetop. Still warm. Yup. "Huh," Earl goes. "Kin a corpse's cunny git all drippy?" Gary sat on the couch like a lump. "That's residule, dummy. Like when they take shits and so forth. Fartin' corpses. Belchers. What not." "This is diff'ernt." "Nuh uh. Flesh just settles," Gary goes. "Welp, gasses and stuff, okay. But...yeah. I reckon fer a cunny to git drippy, she's gotta be horned up. Ya git me? It's not like there's a like bladder of pussy juice up there and it's just gonna empty it's own self, like what a butt might do upon expiration'." "Fine, man. Yer a real turn on. She's hot fer ya." "Google it, man. I'm for serious, here. I been watchin'. Either this little lady's hot to trot or somethin' ain't right." "You fuckin' google it, man. I ain't googlin' a god damned thing." "Fine, ya lazy god damned couch potater! I'll Web MD it or whatever. Shoot." Earl stomped off toward to the kitchenette. Gary just sat there. "Mr. freakin' Wizard. Why don't you jess pop 'er beave before she gets all stiff and stankin'." "Cock." "You got a frog in your throat, man?" Gary snorted over his shoulder, adding, "WebMD that, dicklicker." "COOOOOCK!" "I'm a go first you keep callin me that." "COOOOOCK!" "COOOOOCK!" "COOOOOCK!"

Date Written: September 13, 2005
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 4.25

09/15/2005 qualcomm: well, it's better than a two. but does it attain the rarefied zoinkenstatz of a four? i just don't know. i liked pretty much all of this except for the first graf, which is pretty confusing - i had to read it a couple times to figure out for sure if you were talking about an actual pearl or not. i think the whole graf could be removed with no ill effects.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: also, the last bit seems vaguely ripoffish of tim's "you're a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock" taunt to gareth.
09/15/2005 Will Disney: qualcomm, didn't you WRITE THIS ONE?
09/15/2005 Will Disney (4): I think really it's a 3.5 but I'm giving an extra .5 for effort.
09/15/2005 Ewan Snow (4):
09/15/2005 anonymous: COOOOCK = BRRRAAINS. Agree first graf is wiggly.
09/15/2005 Mr. Pony (4.5):
09/15/2005 qualcomm (4): ah, i see. that makes it a lot funnier, but i have no idea how i would have known that if you hadn't told me, other than surmising from the title of the short. 's a lot to ask of a reader.
09/15/2005 anonymous: Yes. Agree, qc. This is why I went for the large type title you reacted to so negatively yesterday. Wanted the reader to read this as a zombie short.
09/15/2005 Dick Vomit (4.5): A little sloppy, but good.
09/15/2005 Litcube (4.5):
09/15/2005 Klause Muppet: QC used an "Office" reference. Cool!
09/15/2005 Klause Muppet (4.5): Cool short Author!
09/15/2005 scoop: I think this thing would have been a lot, lot better if it had been a zombie short.
09/15/2005 qualcomm: on second thought, this would have been better if it weren't a zombie short. the idea of the mouth breather tricking himself into thinking the corpse is hot for him is a much better joke.
09/16/2005 Dick Vomit: No, qualcomm. It's not a better joke. It's sick! And wrong! Gross, dude.