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Dear Digestive System, We've been through a lot together, thank you for always being there for me. We are going to have a situation later today, I can tell. I ate some things I know I should stay away from. Last night it was butter chicken. I put some tobasco on my eggs this morning. Lunch was a delicious taco salad and a pint of beer. See, here's the thing, I need a favor. I'll be working very closely with Janet from sales today. You know how we feel about her. Just ask penis, he's been after her longer than anyone. I need you to not have a repeat of last time I went overboard. You remember, We had a very stressful day that day and you guys, I know you were just doing your various jobs, but you guys really made it difficult to concentrate with all those noises and smells. I couldn't go ten minutes without walking around the office like a crop duster, spoiling out waves of shit on my co-workers. It was kind of embarassing, my fault for putting you on the spot, sure, but still. I know when we're at home it's okay. In fact, I'm very proud of your work most of the time. But today, if you could just please slack off, I'd really appreciate it. And asshole? I'm really, really sorry, this is going to hurt like hell later. I haven't been drinking any water and you seem to really dislike hot peppers but they're just so tasty! Please don't scream. Please don't bleed. I love you, little asshole. I love you all. Best regards, Me

Date Written: October 05, 2005
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 4

10/6/2005 Klause Muppet:
Dear Respiratory System,
Hold your breath no longer.
10/6/2005 TheBuyer: Maybe you'd be more happy at mcsweeneys.
10/6/2005 Dylan Danko: ier
10/6/2005 TheBuyer: Right, sorry Dylan. Maybe you would be happier at McSweeneys. Douche. Not Dylan, you. You, douche, you. Like my commas Litcube? Huh? Nice *lats* dude, those are some nice *striations* you got there. Dude.
10/6/2005 TheBuyer: I'm sorry, I've been up all night. My sleep schedule is all wonky. If you cuddled me more it wouldn't be so hard. By "more" I mean "don't do that anymore".
10/6/2005 Klause Muppet: Hi Author, I'm just not sure this is funny. The content is very juvenile (which can work) but didn't amount to much in this short. I would like to mention that I am a big fan of yours (pending 9pm tonight).
10/6/2005 Dylan Danko: Maybe we'd all be happier at McSweeneys.
10/7/2005 TheBuyer: I have been promoted to Author!
10/7/2005 Streifenbeuteldachs (4): Dear Author,
Maybe we'd be more inclined to behave if you'd quit cramming penises up us.

Digestive System

10/7/2005 TheBuyer: That's a pretty good point, I guess.