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I am going to write about my true feelings. There is no point in further ironic babble, or silly tales of scatological adventure. Instead I have to really attempt to lay out the true shit. And that, I’ll admit as my first act of truth telling, is something I’m not accustomed to. It’s not that I’m a liar (though I do lie when I need to), but that I would normally conceal my inner life, the arguments I have with other people in my head, the sometimes disturbing obsessions, the sentimental reflections. I present instead a regular front, a curious semblance of my inner self that mentions none of the foolishness, admits to none of the private details. So to now divulge them in an open and honest way would really be a revelation, if not for you, who would probably yawn at what you perhaps would consider bourgeois neuroses, then for me. It’s as if by surrounding my secrets and attacking their ramparts with the brutal siege machines of candor and prose, I will not only defeat the criminals within the walls, but set free the rest of me held hostage by those brutes. Sincerity will crawl out from his dark hole like a little boy, smudged and in tattered robes, but now standing free, squinting in the glare of the unfamiliar sun. Beside him honor will be working proudly, unafraid to show her face in public any longer. And with this shift, this open arrival at my inner reality, incarnated now in the flesh of a true man, I’ll take my place in the pantheon of total douche bags.

Date Written: October 14, 2005
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4

10/17/2005 Dick Vomit: moan.
10/17/2005 Will Disney: i want to thank you for publishing, awther.
10/17/2005 qualcomm: yeah, thanks for the sincerity
10/17/2005 qualcomm: how come sincerity is an "it" and honor is a "her"?
10/17/2005 anonymous: mistake. "its" should be "his" to match "him" in the next sentence. I will now change it...
10/17/2005 anonymous: Now I see why I used "its". It's because the idiotic simile doesn't start until later in the sentence, so at the beginning of the sentence, "sincerity" has not yet been anthropomorphized. I’ll change him anyway.
10/17/2005 anonymous: Actually, that's not really true, because even though the simile doesn't start until later in the sentence, the image is already anthropomorphized with the "crawl out from" bit. I dunno.
10/17/2005 Klause Muppet: I do know.
10/17/2005 qualcomm: does honor have a pussy?
10/17/2005 anonymous: Of course. That's only natural. And presumably the reason she was unable to show her face in public until recently is because she all too often showed it instead!
10/17/2005 TheBuyer: Honour.
10/25/2005 John Slocum (4): I enjoyed reading this. Why didn't anyone vote on it; is it because people aren't passing through acme anymore...or because they identify too closely with the character in this short and they can't deal with it???!!!???!!! ANSWER ME.